


This Time I Know It’s For Real

by KyluxFicHell



Series: This Time I Know It’s For Real [1]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mpreg, Oral Sex, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2019-11-08 17:43:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 61,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17985746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyluxFicHell/pseuds/KyluxFicHell
Summary: “Make sure you’re here on time tomorrow, boys,” Brian says to them all, patting Gwil on the back. “We’ll have a special visitor on set.”Ben turns to Roger, tossing the blond strands of his wig over one shoulder. “Sounds mysterious. Who is it?”“Don’t ask me how he did it,” Roger laughs, shrugging. “But Bri managed to persuade John to come to the set tomorrow.”Joe’s ears prick up.“John who?” Ben asks.“Deacon, obviously,” Gwil says, rolling his eyes, giving Ben a playful shove. He grins at Joe. “Hear that, Mazzello?”“Uh.” Joe swallows, his mouth suddenly dry. “Yeah. That’s...wow. Really? He’s coming here?”“He’s coming here,” Brian confirms. “So make the most of this opportunity. It was a pain in the arse getting him here and I have a feeling he probably won’t come back. So use the time well, Joe.”Joe lets out a choked laugh, barely able to contain his excitement. “Yeah. Yeah, I will.”ORThe story of how Joe Mazzello’s ridiculously inappropriate crush on the man he’s playing develops into something more when they actually get to meet.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go folks...my first feature length Deazzello fic! Thanks to everyone who’s been sending me amazing headcanons for this ship which has inspired me to write a proper fic. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I’ve never met any of the people mentioned in this fic and everything is of course purely fictitious.

Joe starts sliding down a slippery slope long before he even gets cast in  _Bohemian_   _Rhapsody_. 

Well, less like _sliding_ and more like _tumbling_ _as_ _ungraciously_ _as_ _humanly_ _possible._

Joe doesn’t consider himself a method actor as such, but he’s always taken his research seriously, even before he’s secured a role. Of course he’s had people who’ve told him _don’t_ _overthink_ _it_ _too_ _much_ , _don’t_ _spend_ _hours_ _focusing_ _on_ _this_ _one_ _role_ , _don’t_ _let_ _this_ _become_ _an_ _obsession_ \- and he knows that what they’re really telling him is _don’t_ _get_ _your_ _hopes_ _up._  

But Joe knows that it’s often his research and attention to detail that’s landed him the role in the first place. That had been the case with _The_ _Pacific_. And _The_ _Social_   _Network_. And probably every shitty job he’s had in-between. So Joe decides to stick with his tried and tested method because it’s helped him impress producers and casting agents and whoever the hell else snaps their fingers and throws out roles. 

Which means that when he hears that the producers of an upcoming Queen biopic are interested in him playing John Deacon, Joe does as much research as he possibly can.

Joe wouldn’t call himself a _fan_ of Queen, except in the sense that he’d bop his head and sing along if one of their songs came on the radio. His dad had always liked Queen, and while Joe knows little about the band’s background, he also knows that people get excited when you say the name Queen. It’s one of those names that changed the face of music, and Joe knows he’d be stupid to give up this opportunity, so he takes some time to do some reading.

Joe is familiar with Freddie Mercury, of course, ( _because_ _who_ _the_ _fuck_ _isn’t_?), but he’ll admit he knows little about John Deacon. The name sounds vaguely familiar, but Joe wouldn’t be able to picture the man in his head, nor would he really be able to say much about John’s role in the band or what songs he wrote or how he joined Queen-

So Joe decides he needs to do some research pretty fucking fast if he’s going to stand a chance.

He scours the internet for photos from the 70s and 80s; he watches old footage of interviews. The more he reads and the more he watches, the more intrigued Joe becomes. In interviews the youngest member of the band is relatively quiet and unassuming; he comes across as an ordinary guy who just happens to be a rock star (Joe also makes a mental note that he’s going to have to study that accent some more because _that’s_ going to be a new challenge for him).

But when Joe reads more about John’s life after Freddie’s death, things start to get interesting. There’s little for him to read beyond the 90s, and that’s mainly due to the fact that the man retired from music and essentially became a recluse for the next few decades, shying away from the eye of the media while his surviving bandmates played on.

That’s when Joe first starts to build a real sense of respect for John Deacon. He starts to build a picture in his head of a man who simply didn’t feel that Queen could be Queen without Freddie. A man who longs for nothing more than a quiet life and a bit of privacy.

Joe Googles some photos of John from every era, marvelling at how he seemed to rock every hairstyle imaginable. He particularly examines the photos where John is around the same age as Joe is now, and he makes the decision to try to take some photos of himself recreating some of John’s poses on stage. He figures he can send them to the producers in an attempt to highlight that maybe he and John Deacon look possibly _slightly_ similar if you look at the photos side by side and squint.

It’s those photos of John that Joe will eventually blame for sparking the flames of the whole problem.

The longer Joe looks at the images, the more he’s struck by the thought that John Deacon was really incredibly _cute_ in the 80s. The way he smiles at the camera with soft eyes makes Joe’s pulse quicken, and seeing him in those tiny shorts is _obscene_. His bare legs are slim and firm, and Joe can’t help but wonder what it might feel like to have those legs wrapped around his waist.

The more photos Joe looks at, the more he thinks that John Deacon would definitely be the kind of guy he would go for. When he looks at group photos, Joe admits to himself that the band are all gorgeous in their own way, but John is still the one who stands out to him. Roger Taylor is stunningly beautiful but not really Joe’s type, and while Joe could imagine himself being bent over by Brian May or possibly getting on his knees for Freddie Mercury, John Deacon is still the one who intrigues him the most.

Joe tries not to think about it too much as he unbuckles his belt while watching some footage of a Queen concert, his eyes lingering on John’s bare legs and his ass and the way his long fingers dance across the strings of the bass as Joe takes his cock in his hand.

When he comes all over himself and blinks at the concert footage that’s still playing on his phone, Joe bites his lip and thinks the odds are that he probably won’t even get the role anyway. 

*****

When Joe gets a call from his agent a couple of weeks later along the lines of _hey_ , _they_   _loved_ _the_ _photos_ _you_ _sent_ _and_   _if_ _you_ _can_ _do_ _an_ _English_ _accent_ _you’ve_ _got_ _the_ _part_ , he’s so over the moon that he temporarily forgets his little crush.

He records a short video on his phone of himself mimicking John Deacon’s accent, which he promptly sends off to his agent. Three days later Joe gets the call offering him the part and he goes out and gets drunk with some of his friends because he just _knows_ this project will be special. He knows that _Bohemian_ _Rhapsody_ will change his life. This is his chance to shake off his image of being _the_ _kid_ _from_ _Jurassic_ _Park_ and define himself in a completely different way.

And it turns out that all of his expectations for this project are exceeded entirely.

He knows this is going to be the most fun job he’s ever had when he meets his cast mates. Joe would describe himself as someone who makes friends easily, but it only takes a few weeks before they’re eating pizza together and stumbling out of bars and singing karaoke-

Of course it really helps that Rami is there, and his presence makes Joe a whole less nervous about the whole thing. Joe is so psyched to work with his old friend again after such a long time and they soon fall into a familiar rhythm on set, their chemistry obvious as they ad lib and bounce lines off of each other.

Joe’s British castmates are also heartbreakingly perfect in every way. Ben has a similar sense of humour to Joe and they end up falling into a cycle of practical jokes and meme wars, which Gwil initially presides over like an exasperated parent, but then quickly decides he wants to be a part of it. That sparks off a whole other raft of inside jokes about making Gwil jealous.

The four of them gel ridiculously well together, and when they see themselves in costume for the first time, it’s almost frightening. The wigs and outfits not only make them _look_ like Queen, but make them _feel_ like Queen. They _are_ Queen.

They end up meeting Brian May and Roger Taylor fairly early on in the project. Joe knows that the others are fanboying just as much as he is, because these are men they’ve all read so much about and watched on video so many times that they’re all a bit weak in the knees when they meet. In a way Joe is relieved that John Deacon doesn’t want to be involved with the film, because he really doesn’t know how he’d react to meeting the man he has a violent crush on.

For months Joe just allows himself to be happy with his new friends and his amazing job and everything he has. He accepts that John Deacon is a private man and would never want to meet. But it doesn’t matter because Joe is the happiest he’s been in such a long time.

***** 

And then one day the tiny sparks of Joe’s inappropriate crush are suddenly fanned into existence again after months of lying dormant.

Brian and Roger are on set for the afternoon to observe filming, and once they’ve wrapped for the day the older men stroll over to congratulate them. They spend a few minutes chatting as the crew buzz around dismantling lights and set  pieces, and Joe isn’t really paying much attention as he’s still a little hung up on his performance in the scene they’ve just finished, which he isn’t convinced was his best.

“Make sure you’re here on time tomorrow, boys,” Brian says to them all, patting Gwil on the back. “We’ll have a special visitor on set.”

Ben turns to Roger, tossing the blond strands of his wig over one shoulder. “Sounds mysterious. Who is it?”

“Don’t ask me how he did it,” Roger laughs, shrugging. “But Bri managed to persuade John to come to the set tomorrow.”

Joe’s ears prick up.

“John who?” Ben asks.

“ _Deacon_ , obviously,” Gwil says, rolling his eyes, giving Ben a playful shove. He grins at Joe. “Hear that, Mazzello?”

“Uh.” Joe swallows, his mouth suddenly dry. “Yeah. That’s...wow. Really? He’s coming here?”

“He’s coming here,” Brian confirms. “So make the most of this opportunity. It was a pain in the arse getting him here and I have a feeling he probably won’t come back. So use the time well, Joe.”

Joe lets out a choked laugh, barely able to contain his excitement. “Yeah. Yeah, I will.”

That night, Joe can barely sleep. It’s been years since he’s felt this nervous; he can’t even remember any audition giving him butterflies in his stomach quite like this. He lies awake rehearsing all the questions he’s going to ask tomorrow, and at two in the morning he gets up and starts scribbling them down on a piece of paper. He doesn’t want his nerves to make him forget anything important.

Joe is painfully aware that John will be judging him from the moment they meet. He knows he’s being paranoid, but he can’t help but wonder what would happen if John decides that Joe isn’t a good fit to play him. What if John has him fired from the best job he’s ever had? But when Joe imagines the John Deacon he’s seen in interviews on stage, he finds it difficult to imagine the man as someone who would do something like that, which settles his nerves a little.

Joe climbs back into bed around four in the morning, worrying less about John’s assessment of his acting ability and more about all the ways he could possibly embarrass himself in front of the man he’s helplessly crushing on.

He falls asleep imagining a young John Deacon on top of him, smiling sweetly as he leans in for a kiss.

*****

The next morning, Joe can barely keep still on set.

He drinks four cups of coffee before nine because he’s exhausted from his lack of sleep, and the caffeine in his system really isn’t helping his jitters.

“Nervous?” Ben teases. “I get it, you know. I nearly shat myself the morning I met Roger.”

Joe shrugs, knocking back his latest cup of coffee. “It’s John Deacon. Of course I’m fucking nervous.”

He feels like a schoolboy about to meet up with the teacher he has a crush on. The teacher who also happens to be a fucking rock god.

“You’ll be fine,” Rami says gently. “If it helps, I’m nervous too. I’m desperate to meet him.”

It _doesn’t_ help, and Joe can barely focus on his scenes all day. He constantly makes mistakes, messing up his lines and missing his cues. His castmates seem to sense that something is distracting him, and they’re wonderfully patient. Ben holds back on the playful jibes, Rami gives him encouraging praise, and Gwil gives him more hugs between takes than usual. All of this accumulates in the most painful morning of shooting so far. 

The hours seem to drag by, and it’s a little after one in the afternoon when he eventually arrives.

Brian strolls onto set with a man that Joe recognises instantly. He’s older than the pictures Joe is familiar with; his hair is thinner and grey, but the eyes are unmistakeable. It’s definitely him.

If Joe had met this man on the street six months ago, he would have thought nothing of him. John is dressed in a casual sweater and jeans, and he hangs back half a step behind Brian, as if he’s using his former bandmate as a bit of a shield. He certainly doesn’t look like a former rock star.

There’s a strange energy that washes over the set as people start to realise who has just walked in. Brian leads John over to the producers to introduce them, and Joe nervously gathers with the rest of the cast.

“He looks good,” Ben comments, elbowing Joe in the ribs. “For a man of his age. Don’t you think so, Joe?”

Joe blinks. “What?”

“Come on, Joe,” Gwil laughs. “You’re so crushing on John Deacon.”

“What?” Joe can feel himself blush in response to the fact that his secret has been discovered. He feels like a kid on the playground who’s being taunted because the whole school has discovered who he likes.

“Oh come on,” Joe says with a roll of his eyes in response to Ben’s grin. “I mean, you guys thought he was cute in the 80s too.”

“They were all cute in the 80s,” Ben says with a wink. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Joe. Gwil and I talk about how much we fancy Brian and Roger _now_ , and John is really handsome too. There’s nothing wrong with a little healthy attraction.”

Joe wants to point out that his attraction probably _isn’t_ healthy, but decides against it.

His friends do manage to distract him and put him at ease with their joking though, and they end up laughing so much that Joe barely notices Brian and John approach them.

“Hello, boys,” Brian says cheerfully. “I hope you don’t mind if I interrupt. There’s someone I’d like to introduce you to.”

Joe can feel his pulse quicken as Brian leads John to Rami, and introduces the boys to him one by one. When it’s his turn, Joe is sure he’s forgotten how to speak.

When John meets his eyes for the first time, Joe feels his face go _red_. John may be older now, but he’s no less handsome and his eyes are still the same. Soft and kind.

“This is Joe Mazzello,” Brian says. “He’s playing you. Joe, this is John Deacon.”

Joe suddenly feels naked as John’s eyes take him in.

“It’s lovely to meet you,” John finally says, holding out his hand for a handshake. Joe tries to keep his hand from trembling as he allows the older man to grip it. John’s hand is warm and calloused, and his voice is soft and sweet.

“It’s great to meet you too,” Joe says. He honestly feels as though he might faint.

“It’s like a blast from the past looking at you,” John laughs. “Perfect casting, I must say.”

Joe can feel himself flush, and he suddenly feels very hot under all the studio lighting.

“Why don’t the two of you find a quiet corner and have a chat?” Brian suggests with a smile. “I’m sure Joe has a few questions for you, Deacy.”

******

Joe still can’t quite register the fact that he’s having a cup of coffee with _John_ _Deacon_.

He’s sitting on the set of _Bohemian_ _Rhapsody_ with _John_ _Deacon_.

The man he’s spent the last few months studying and researching and slightly obsessing over. A man who he’s masturbated over.

For a moment Joe feels terribly ashamed, as if he’s somehow betrayed John’s trust. This man is giving up his time and privacy to speak to Joe today, and all Joe can think about is how much time he’s spent imagining John naked. He can’t help but already feel as though he’s being disrespectful to a man he’s come to idolise so much.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been on a set,” John comments, interrupting Joe’s thoughts as his eyes take in his surroundings curiously. “It’s a little surreal actually.”

“I’ll bet,” Joe laughs, trying to focus on the moment. “It must be odd coming here and seeing all this.” He gestures at himself. “Seeing me dressed as you.”

John’s eyes scan him again, and it’s like he’s looking into Joe’s _soul_. “When I first saw a photo of you I thought it was quite uncanny. But seeing you now in costume...my god, it’s frightening.”

Joe bites his lip as some of the insecurities from last night return to haunt him.

“In a good way of course,” John adds quickly. “I can’t quite believe they managed to find someone like you to play me. You’re a good match but you’re far better looking than I ever was.”

Joe feels his heart hammer in response to that praise. _John_ _Deacon_ _thinks_ _he’s_ _good_ _looking_.

“So tell me about yourself, Joe,” John says with a smile, clearly trying to put the younger man at ease. “Brian tells me you’ve been in the movie business since you were a child.”

“Yeah.” Joe can feel the blush deepen. “I started quite young, just doing TV commercials and stuff.”

“Have you been in anything I would have seen?”

“Um, well. I guess my first big movie would have been _Jurassic_ _Park_. I, er, don’t know if you’ve seen it?”

John has a big smile on his face. “Of course. I love that film. You were the little boy?”

“That was me.” Joe has no idea why he’s suddenly so shy about something that he’s usually so proud of. Perhaps because it’s a painful reminder that John probably would have been a middle aged man when he saw Joe as a kid in that film for the first time.

Joe ends up telling John about how he’d got involved with the movie and some stories from set, and about how he still keeps in touch with Steven. He ends up going on to talk about some of his other projects too, all of which he can tell John has never seen before, but the older man nods and smiles politely, asking thoughtful questions here and there. John is surprisingly easy to talk to, and Joe soon finds his nerves evaporating. Joe is so overwhelmed by the fact that an actual rock god is taking an interest in him that he completely loses track of time.

They’re laughing at a joke that Joe has just cracked when Joe catches sight of the time on John’s watch.

“Oh my god,” Joe gasps, suddenly embarrassed. “Jesus, me and my big mouth. I’m meant to be learning about _you_ and _I’ve_ done all the talking.”

“Not to worry,” John laughs. “I wanted to learn more about you too. It sounds like you’ve had quite a career.”

Joe still can’t believe that John is making _him_ feel like he’s the star here. He fumbles in his pocket for the scrap of paper he’d been working on last night, smoothing it out in front of him. 

“I do have some questions for you, if that’s ok,” Joe says nervously as the butterflies return. “And you don’t have to answer any of them, if you don’t want to. These are purely to help me with my performance but if you feel uncomfortable, just say so- I want to respect your privacy-“

“Joe,” John says softly. “It’s fine. What would you like to know?”

For a moment John’s smile reminds Joe of that same smile in the photo he’s jerked off to a couple of times, the one where John is in ridiculously revealing shorts-

“Well,” Joe swallows, looking at his list. “Ok. Um, first of all, what was it like joining an already established band? Especially one that had already gone through so many bass players?”

When John starts talking, it’s as if Joe falls under a spell. They talk for what feels like hours, and John answers each of Joe’s questions patiently. They talk about everything. John joining the band, their first album, Munich, his relationships with each of his bandmates, Live Aid-

When they get to discussing the 90s though, John becomes a little hesitant. This is the period where Joe has struggled to find anything of real substance about John on the internet, and what he had managed to find are things that John probably doesn’t want to dwell on- grief over the death of his best friend, his retirement from the music business, depression, an amicable divorce-  

“Of course everything changed after Freddie...” John begins, clearly trying to give Joe _something_ , but he quickly cuts off, suddenly looking a little unsure of himself.

“It’s ok,” Joe says reassuringly, and in a brave moment he places his hand on top of John’s in a gesture that he hopes will appear comforting rather than creepy. “You don’t have to.”

John nods and gives him a grateful smile.

“I can’t thank you enough, John,” Joe says softly. “You’ve been so helpful answering all my questions.”

They’re disturbed by a runner sprinting over and tapping Joe on the shoulder.

“Five minutes, Joe. We’ve nearly finished with the lighting.”

“Sorry,” Joe says sheepishly. “I guess I was getting a little carried away with all my questions.”

“It’s quite alright,” John says gently. “It sounds like you’ve been very thorough with your research, but I’m glad I was somewhat useful.”

Joe can’t help but feel proud when John praises his research, and he’s now very glad that he spent so long learning about this man before he even set foot in the studio.

“Definitely,” Joe says happily. “ _So_ useful. Really, John. Thank you.”

John looks at him for a moment, something unreadable in his eyes, before fumbling in his pocket for his phone.

“Listen, I probably won’t be coming back to the set again.”

Joe’s heart sinks. _Was_ _it_ _something_ _he_ _said_? It must show on his face, because John immediately reassures him.

“Don’t worry, Joe, it’s nothing to do with you, I promise. I’m not a big fan of being places where lots of people know who I am...” 

“Of course,” Joe says, trying to hide how relieved he is. “I understand.”

“But I’d be really happy to talk with you again if it would help.” 

“Really?” Joe’s heart stops.

“Yeah. You’re a talented young man and I know you’ll do a fantastic job, but if you do have any other questions I don’t mind meeting up to talk again.” He gestures at the set. “Somewhere a little quieter, perhaps.”

Joe’s head is spinning from the clear approval he’s just received.

_I_ _know_ _you’ll_ _do_ _a_ _fantastic_ _job_.

“That would be great.” He feels as though he’s just been asked on a date.

“I’ll text you my number,” John says, sliding his glasses on as he squints at his phone, “if you don’t mind giving me yours?” 

“Of course not.” Joe recites his number for John, grinning as he allows the older man to type it into his phone.

A few moments later Joe feels his phone vibrate in his pocket, and sure enough there’s a simple text on his screen that reads-

_Hello_ _Joe_ , _this_ _is_ _my_ _number_.

- _JRD_

It makes Joe’s heart hammer. He has John Deacon’s number.

Someone is calling Joe’s name from the other side of the set, and they both laugh a little awkwardly.

“It’s been lovely to meet you, Joe,” John says softly.

“It’s been great to meet you too, John.”

They stand, and Joe is about to hold out his hand for another handshake when John opens his arms tentatively, and Joe grins as he steps forward into the hug, wrapping his arms around the older man. The hug lasts no longer than two seconds, but it’s enough time for Joe to memorise the scent of the older man and the warmth of his body.

Joe knows that to most people a hug is probably nothing; Brian and Roger hug the boys all the time, but he suspects that for John there’s something a little more to it. It’s a sign of trust, a sign of acceptance.

They say their goodbyes and when Joe rejoins the rest of the cast he watches as Brian leads John away, his eyes lingering on the bassist until he disappears.

Ben notices his gaze, and elbows him in the ribs.

“Good talk?”

“Huh? Um, yeah. Great talk.”

Gwil chuckles and winks at Rami. “Looks like Joe got a phone number.” 

“A phone number!” Ben squeals delightedly. “Well done, mate. You just seduced John Deacon.”

“I did not _seduce_ him,” Joe laughs, but there’s a big part of him that can’t help but wish it were true. 

“John and Joe sitting in a tree...” Ben singsongs.

“Fuck off,” Joe sighs, grinning, but his brain can’t help but fill in the next part of the rhyme.

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

His crush on John Deacon has just evolved into something slightly more terrifying.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe and John start getting a little closer...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who read and commented on the first chapter. I’m really glad everyone’s feeling the Deazzello love!

In the days following his conversation with John, Joe feels as though he’s invigorated with a different kind of energy.

He keeps replaying their conversation in his head, trying to recreate every detail as best he can in his mind: the way John smiled at him, the kindness in his eyes, the thoughtful questions.

It’s been so long since Joe’s met anyone who’s taken an interest in him the way John has. It’s been so long since he’s met anyone who actually _listened_ to him. He can vaguely recall a boyfriend in college who used to feed him chocolate when he was sad and stroke his hair and listen to him bitch about his day. But there’s something different about the way John sat there and absorbed everything he was being told, as if he was genuinely enjoying the conversation and it wasn’t some kind of chore to have to listen to Joe.

Joe acknowledges in his own mind that this is already becoming more dangerous the more he thinks about it. He’s comparing John to his favourite ex-boyfriend, for fuck’s sake. He’s met the man once and he’s already struggling to get him out of his head.

What surprises Joe the most though is the fact that the John Deacon from all the photos and footage that he’d obsessed over has faded from his mind, only to be replaced by the John Deacon he’d met on set. It’s now the older, greyer, slightly softer John Deacon who occupies his mind.

It’s not as if Joe doesn’t find older men attractive ( _hello_ , _George_ _Clooney_ ). Hell, he’d even dated a guy fifteen years his senior back on _Pacific_ (who Rami had constantly referred to as Joe’s _sugar_ _daddy_ ). But he’s painfully aware that John is over thirty years his senior, old enough to be Joe’s father. Older than Joe’s _actual_ father (and doesn’t that make Joe nearly cry with shame because what would his father think if he knew his son was lusting after a man older than him?)

And yet as his John-related sexual fantasies increase in frequency, their content shifts dramatically. No longer is Joe bending a young John Deacon over some equipment backstage at a Queen concert and peeling those shorts down his thighs to give him the fucking of a lifetime. No longer is there a long haired beauty on his knees sucking Joe off. Instead when Joe touches himself he imagines John Deacon as he is now- grey hair and tasteful sweaters and a fatherly smile-

Joe stops that thought right in its tracks, because he most definitely does _not_ have daddy issues. That is _not_ what this is about. Joe has a great relationship with his father and always has. He’s never had to fight for attention and he’s never felt like a disappointment- so daddy issues are off the table.

Joe just happens to be attracted to men who listen to him and make him feel cared about and wanted. Of course he knows that John is probably just a nice guy who treats everyone like that, but Joe can’t help but fantasise that maybe he’s a little bit special. Maybe John really did find him interesting. He did give Joe his number after all, so he can’t have found the younger man that boring.

Joe has probably read that message on his phone a thousand times.

 

 _Hello_ _Joe,_ _this_ _is_ _my_ _number_.

- _JRD_

 

“You should just text him, you know,” Ben comments one afternoon when he notices Joe staring at his phone.

“Text who?” Joe asks nonchalantly.

“You know who.”

Joe snorts. “I don’t wanna bother him.”

“He gave you his number.”

“He’s a private guy; I don’t wanna come across as some crazy fanboy.”

“He gave you his fucking number, Joe. He _wants_ you to call him.”

Joe bites his lip, glances at the message again. “I could use some help with my bass playing. Like I can play fine, but it would be amazing if I could just _watch_ him-“

“Yes,” Ben says with a smile. “There you go. Text him.”

Joe spends ages drafting the text. Rewriting it countless times. He gets Ben to read it. He gets Gwil to read it. He gets Rami to redraft it for him.

“For fuck’s suck!” Ben cries, exasperated. “Just send the bloody thing!”

Joe holds his breath as he clicks send, the final message reading-

 _Hey_ _John_ \- _it_ _was_ _great_ _to_ _meet_ _you_ _the_ _other_ _day_. _Thanks_ _again_ _for_ _giving_ _up_ _your_ _time_. _If_ _your_ _offer_ _of_ _meeting_ _up_ _again_ _still_ _stands_ , _I’d_ _find_ _it_ _really_ _helpful_ _to_ _get_ _some_ _bass_ _playing_ _tips_.

 _Joe_ _x_

 

It had been Ben’s idea to add the kiss, and reading it now makes Joe cringe. It makes him look childish and immature, despite Ben insisting it could be read as a standard way to sign off a text.

Which is why Joe is a bit surprised to receive this reply less than twenty minutes later:

 _Hi_ _Joe_ \- _it’s_ _nice_ _to_ _hear_ _from_ _you_! _It_ _was_ _a_ _pleasure_ _to_ _meet_ _you_ _and_ _of_ _course_ _I’d_ _be_ _happy_ _to_ _help_ _in_ _any_ _way_ _I_ _can_. _If_ _you_ _want_ _you’re_ _welcome_ _to_ _come_ _to_ _my_ _house_ _and_ _I_ _can_ _coach_ _you_ _on_ _the_ _bass_ :)

 _John_ _x_

 

Joe blinks at the screen. John left an _emoji_. And a _kiss_. He knows the older man was probably just copying Joe’s kiss to make sure that Joe wouldn’t feel awkward, but still it’s so sweet that Joe is blushing like crazy.

He feels a lot more confident when he types out his response telling John that _yes_ he’d definitely be interested in coming to John’s house for some coaching.

When he sends the text, he’s grinning.

He’s going to _John_ _Deacon’s_ house.

*****

Joe isn’t sure what he was expecting John’s house to be like, but he supposes he was expecting something more _extravagant_.

Instead he finds himself on a quiet suburban street in South West London, staring up at a rather modest looking house. He knows that John probably lived in a much bigger house when he was married and lived with his family, so the size of it makes sense in that regard. It’s certainly big enough for a man to live comfortably on his own.

Joe hesitates outside for a few minutes, wondering if he’s dressed ok. When he finally summons the courage to ring the doorbell, he only has to wait a few moments before John opens the door. 

The smile the older man gives him makes Joe’s heart hammer.

“Joe!” John says happily, opening the door to invite the younger man in. “How lovely to see you again.”

“Hey,” says Joe. “Thanks so much for having me over. I really appreciate you giving up your time.”

“It’s really no trouble. Can I get you some tea? Or you Americans prefer coffee don’t you?” John asks playfully.

Joe laughs. “I’d love some tea. I’ve become quite a fan, you know.”

They exchange pleasantries as John makes them some tea, and Joe’s initial nervousness quickly disappears as they fall into easy conversation.

“You have a nice place here,” Joe comments, nodding at his surroundings.

“Thanks,” John says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’ve lived here for a few years now. It can get a bit lonely sometimes, but at least it’s inconspicuous.”

Joe can tell just by looking at the place that John is someone who doesn’t enjoy attention.

“Are these your kids?” Joe asks with a grin, pointing at the photos that line the walls.

“Yeah.” John gives a proud smile. “I don’t get to see my oldest children so much because they live all over the place and have children of their own. My youngest two visit quite a lot though.”

Joe’s smile falters a little at the mention of John’s grandchildren, because it’s just another reminder that the man he has a crush on is a _grandfather_. Joe knows from his research that only two of John’s children are actually younger than Joe, which is almost painful to think about.

There are some photos of Queen sitting on a small table in the corner. There aren’t many and they’re not very prominent, but they’re there. The largest photo in the middle is one of Freddie and John which looks like it was taken sometime in the mid-eighties. It isn’t a photo that Joe has seen on the internet, so he presumes it was taken in a private setting. The pair of them look as though they’re at some kind of party; Freddie has his arm around John’s shoulders and John is looking up at him adoringly.

Apart from that though, there’s no other evidence of Queen anywhere else in John’s house. John gives Joe a quick tour, but apart from a collection of bass guitars, you wouldn’t be able to tell that John was a musician at all. It’s almost as if he wants to think about that part of his life as little as possible.

Joe’s thoughts are interrupted when John hands him one of the guitars and asks to hear him play. Joe stares at the instrument, dumbfounded.

“I’m not very good,” he laughs nervously, adjusting the strap, but when he sees John’s encouraging smile he takes a deep breath and strums a few chords, before moving into the riff for _Another_ _One_ _Bites_ _the_ _Dust_.

“You’re better than you think,” John says gently. “That was really rather good.”

Joe lets the praise wash over him. “Wow, what a compliment from the master.”

“Well, I don’t know about that.” John picks up another guitar and starts to play an improvised riff. “I never thought of myself as a great bass player, you know. I never really understood why the others picked me over all those other bassists.”

“Because you were the best,” Joe says, his eyes fixed on John’s long fingers on the strings.

Joe makes a clumsy attempt to copy the riff and curses when he gets it all muddled, but John just chuckles and takes a seat beside him.

“Here,” the older man says gently. “Let me.”

John places his fingers over Joe’s on the neck of the guitar, moving them into position, and puts his other arm around Joe to adjust the position of the guitar.

 _It’s_ _like_ _he’s_ _holding_ _me_ , is all Joe’s mind can muster.

“There you go,” John says happily. “Try now. Slow at first.”

Joe concentrates as he repeats the riff, and he can’t help but feel incredibly affectionate towards John every time he makes a mistake, because not once during the entire session does he feel like an idiot. He makes plenty of errors, but John just smiles at Joe and tells him how well he’s doing, before giving some tips on how to improve. Joe can feel his confidence grow as he plays, and when he gets through the whole riff without making a single mistake, he beams at John.

“Oh my god,” Joe laughs. “Am I amazing or what?”

“You certainly are,” John grins. “Well done, Joe. That was perfect.”

They spend some more time practising a few different tunes, and Joe ends up having the best time. John is a very patient teacher and manages to make the whole thing incredibly fun.

“Have you ever thought about being a musician?” John asks when they retreat to the living room, handing Joe a glass of red wine.

“I used to play a little guitar in college,” Joe says, taking a sip of the wine. “But acting was always in my blood.”

“Does anyone else in your family act?”

“My brother and my sister have done some stuff. My parents run a dance studio.”

“Oh really?” John asks with a smile.

“Yeah,” Joe says fondly. “Or at least...they used to. Not so much now. My dad’s been really ill for a while. Cancer.”

John’s face softens sympathetically. “I’m really sorry to hear that.”

Joe ends up talking about how hard it’s been recently, having to take care of his father. Having to move him, change him, cut his fingernails, all while watching a once proud man break and slowly fade away.

“I know he doesn’t have long left,” Joe says sadly. “And it kills me because I’m basically just watching him waste away.”

John nods solemnly. “I know that feeling.”

Joe gives him a sad smile. “I guess you do.”

“It’s important to have good friends around you,” John says. “I made the mistake of pushing mine away because I thought I’d be better off dealing with it on my own. But you have Rami, and Gwilym and Ben. You have to take care of each other.”

Joe nods. “They’re really good for me. I feel like this job was such a blessing and came along at just the right time. I was getting really overwhelmed with all the stuff going on with my dad, and I went through a really bad break up last year.”

“Oh, Joe, you poor thing. I’m so sorry. Had you been together long?”

“A couple of years,” Joe shrugs, staring into his wine. “It’s fine though. He needed to go. He was an asshole.” He glances up at John. “Sorry. You probably don’t want to hear me complain about my shitty ex-boyfriend.”

“Don’t worry,” John laughs. “I’m very used to listening to people complain about their exes. The boys used to do it all the time. And I have six children who’ve all been through their share of heartbreak.”

Their eyes meet and they share a smile.

They spend a little while talking about John’s kids before drifting onto other topics- their favourite films, favourite vacation spots, where they grew up. Joe ends up learning all about John’s childhood in Leicester and his move to London as a teenager. He can’t help but smile as he watches John’s face light up when he talks about his electronics studies, and John laughs when Joe shares some stories from his own college days.

It’s been a long time since Joe has really clicked with someone like this. He feels so comfortable around John, and he can sense the older man opening up to him more. John seems relaxed and he’s smiling so much more than he did at the studio the other day.

They talk for so long that Joe completely loses track of the time until his phone buzzes in his pocket.

“ _Shit_ ,” he says when he checks his phone.

“Everything alright?” John asks, concerned.

“Sorry,” Joe sighs. “I forgot I was supposed to meet Rami for dinner tonight. I’m half an hour late.”

“Oh,” John says, and Joe is almost sure that disappointment flashes across his face. “Well you’d best not keep him waiting.”

“Thank you so much for having me over,” Joe says with a smile. “The bass tips were so helpful.”

“You’re very welcome.” John returns the smile. “It was nice to have some company. It gets a bit lonely here sometimes.”

“Well if you ever feel like hanging out again, let me know.” Joe can’t help but feeling like he’s asking John out on a date. “Like, obviously it’s great for me to get to know you better for the role and everything, but it’s been really nice spending time with you.”

John beams, and Joe can’t help but think _I_ _did_ _that_.

“I’ve enjoyed spending time with you too,” John says happily. “You really are a good bass player. I would love to jam with you again sometime.”

Before Joe leaves, they share another hug which lasts a few seconds longer than their first hug at the studio. It feels a lot more comfortable too and John seems visibly more relaxed.

“Take care of yourself, John,” Joe says softly.

“You too, Joe.”

As Joe retreats down the driveway, he turns back and gives John a small wave, already wishing he could stay.

******

The next few days seem to pass by in a bit of a blur. The filming schedule seems to be becoming more intense, and Joe finds himself feeling constantly exhausted. His mind is a constant jumble of lines and cues and orders of scenes, and the whole thing is making him incredibly tired.

He perks up a little when he receives a text from John though.

 _Hi_ _Joe_ \- _I’m_ _going_ _to_ _be_ _in_ _the_ _area_ _later_ _and_ _was_ _wondering_ _if_ _you’d_ _like_ _to_ _meet_ _for_ _dinner_? _Let_ _me_ _know_ _if_ _you’re_ _free_ _x_

 

Joe grins, barely able to contain his excitement as he types out his response-

 _Would_ _love_ _to_ _meet_ _up_ _for_ _dinner_ :) _it’s_ _been_ _a_ _long_ _day_... _x_

 

“What’s got you looking so happy?” Ben asks when he sees Joe smiling at his phone. “Hot date?”

Joe rolls his eyes. “No. It’s my mom. She’s gonna come visit for a few days.”

Joe isn’t quite sure why he’s lying. It’s not as if he’s going on an _actual_ date. Sure, he’s going out for dinner with a man he finds attractive, but they’re just friends. (It’s still weird to think of _John_ _Deacon_ as his friend. _John_ _Deacon_ wants to spend time with _him_.) But there’s a part of him that doesn’t want to share this with anyone else yet; he knows John is private and this whole thing feels slightly fragile, and Joe doesn’t want to be the one to shatter it. 

They end up meeting at a quiet restaurant a few blocks from the studio that evening. Joe is glad he decided to wear a nice shirt and a leather jacket, because John turns up looking very smart in a blazer and buttoned shirt.

“You look tired,” John comments as they take a seat. “Long day?”

“Really long day,” Joe sighs. “I’m exhausted.”

John looks a little hesitant. “I can take you home if you’re tired. We don’t have to do this.”

“No,” Joe says quickly (although the thought of John taking him home like a chivalrous gentleman is incredibly heartwarming). “Honestly, this is the only thing that’s kept me going all day.”

John looks really pleased at that. “Well, let’s get you a drink then.”

John asks to hear more about Joe’s day, and Joe proceeds to tell him about all the disasters of today- how his wig had refused to stay put, how he’d messed up most of his lines, how they’d had to change the lighting for one scene which left everyone hanging around on set for two hours.

John’s day sounds as though it didn’t go much better. He’d been to visit one of his sons and they’d had an argument.

“He thinks I’m wasting my life,” John shrugs. “He says I’m not adventurous enough and I’m just a boring old man who never does anything.”

Joe smiles at him sympathetically.

“I’ll admit when I texted you earlier I was being a bit selfish,” John says sheepishly. “I didn’t want to be alone tonight, and you were the first person I thought of.”

“I’m honoured.” Joe holds up his glass with a grin (because he really _is_ ). “I know we’ve only met three times, but I’d like to think of us as friends. I am, after all, Deacy 2.0.”

“Deacy 2.0?” John laughs (and god it feels _good_ to hear him laugh like that).

“That’s what the make up artists on set call me,” Joe says proudly. “Because I look so much like you.”

John grins. “I’m looking forward to watching your performance, you know. I can’t wait to hear your take on my accent.”

“It was difficult to master,” Joe admits. “I spent ages watching interviews you did and I still ended up sounding like a generic Brit. _My_ _dialect_ _coach_ _said_ _I_ _really_ _struggled_ _with_ _the_ _vowels_.” He says the last sentence in his John Deacon accent, and John’s face lights up.

“That was really rather good.” There’s something like genuine amazement in John’s voice.

It makes Joe blush.

“Well you’ll soon be treated to me completely butchering your accent,” Joe grins. “The people of Leicester will hate me forever.”

They spend the evening talking about the movie and what kind of work Joe might like to do next (he’s thinking of directing again). They talk about some music John’s been writing but hasn’t shared with anyone yet (Joe insists that music is meant to be heard and John should play it for _someone_ , but the older man just blushes and goes quiet). They talk about all the things Joe loves about New York (it’s been a long time since John has been but he’d love to go again). They talk about _everything_.

They leave the restaurant a little before midnight (John had insisted on paying), and John offers to drive Joe back to where he’s staying. 

Joe nearly laughs when he sees that John’s car isn’t a Mercedes or a Ferrari; he drives a plain old Volvo. It just seems so _John_.

The sit in comfortable silence during the short drive, and when Joe is about to get out of the car, he quickly gives John a hug. 

“Thank you so much for tonight, John,” Joe says softly. “I really needed something to take my mind off today.”

“Me too,” John smiles. “I hope your day goes better tomorrow.”

They wish each other goodnight, and that night in bed Joe dreams of a sweet smile with a slight tooth gap.

******

Over the coming weeks, Joe and John start to meet on a regular basis.

Usually it’s quite last minute, and will be the result of one or the other of them sending a text asking about drinks after Joe’s finished filming, or meeting up for dinner, or more bass coaching at John’s house.

Joe doesn’t tell anyone else about these meetings, and he’s not sure if John does either. He’s not quite sure why; for some reason he feels as though they’re having some torrid affair, when in reality it’s just an innocent friendship. It’s no different to Gwil hanging out with Brian or Ben going out for lunch with Roger.

Except that it is.

Because Joe is pretty sure that Gwil and Ben don’t want Brian and Roger to bang them.

Joe has come to accept that he’s crushing hard on John, and as long as he keeps spending time with this sweet, kind, gorgeous man, his feelings aren’t going to go away soon. So Joe decides to just embrace his little crush and enjoy it, because he knows nothing will come of it. No matter how much Joe may fantasise about the possibility of John wanting him back, he knows that John is just a lonely man who’s being kind to him.

And then when principal photography for _Bohemian_ _Rhapsody_ comes to an end, Joe’s world comes crashing down. Because the best job he’s ever had has come to an end, and he has to return to another continent and leave his best friends behind.

And John.

He’d known the end would come eventually, but he’d been putting off thinking about it as much as possible.

“I’m going to miss our regular meet ups,” Joe says sadly, the night before he’s due to fly home. They’re in the same restaurant where they ate dinner together for the first time.

“Me too,” John says with a small smile. “It’s been nice to have some regular company.”

“I can’t even tell you how valuable it’s been getting to spend time with you.” Joe knows he’s gushing, but he doesn’t care. “It’s helped my performance so much. And thanks for spending so much time listening to me whine and bitch about work. Despite the way it may have come across, this really has been the best job I’ve ever had.”

“I’m so glad,” John says gently.

They end up saying goodbye in John’s car.

“This isn’t goodbye forever though,” John points out when he can see the miserable look on Joe’s face. “You’ll be back in London soon. There’ll be the press tour and the premiere. And don’t forget you’ve got my number if you ever want to chat.”

Joe tries to blink back tears. He feels like a child. And he definitely doesn’t want to start crying in front of John Deacon.

“Yeah,” Joe says, his voice a little thick. “And listen, if you’re ever in New York, you have a place to stay.”

They share a final hug, and Joe takes the opportunity to memorise every detail he can about the way the older man feels pressed up against him.

“Take care of yourself, Joe,” John says softly. “I’ll see you soon.”

“See you soon,” Joe echoes.

*****

As soon as Joe boards the plane the following day, he throws on his headphones, buries himself under a blanket, and tries not to think about everything he’s having to leave behind.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Joe are reunited under sad circumstances...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who’s read and commented so far! This chapter will be pretty angsty due to a minor character death but I promise the fluff is coming soon...

Joe spends his first few weeks back in New York in a semi-depressive state.

The entirety of his days seem to be spent in bed or moping around the house, desperately missing his friends and wishing he were doing something more meaningful. He feels like complete shit as he slouches around in his underwear, occasionally scrolling through Instagram or checking the silent BoRhap WhatsApp group chat. He has a phone call with his agent that does little to lift his spirits; the promise of more work soon isn’t as encouraging as he thought it would be.

It wouldn’t be so bad if Joe were working on another job. It wouldn’t be so torturous if he had something to fill his days. But instead he’s left with nothing but his own thoughts, and his thoughts consist of Rami and Ben and Gwil.

And, of course, John.

Joe is starting to suspect that this crush is turning into something far more perilous because it’s becoming almost _painful_ to think about John. Never before has Joe actually _ached_ with longing for someone. John’s smile haunts his dreams, and in his spare moments during the day (which make up a _lot_ of the day at the moment), Joe finds himself drifting off and imagining soft kind eyes and long fingers dancing across the strings of a bass.

There’s a part of him that wants to text John, but he doesn’t know what the etiquette is at this stage of their friendship. John had sent Joe a quick text wishing him a safe flight back to New York, but that was the last exchange they had. Joe definitely doesn’t want to come across as too clingy.

Besides, he’s sure John is doing just fine without him and probably hasn’t even given Joe a second thought.

*****

After three weeks of moping, things take a turn for the worse.

Joe is woken in the middle of the night by a call from his sister, who sobs quietly down the phone as she tells him that their father has died.

It’s a moment that Joe knew had been coming for some time, but he’d put it at the back of his mind and tried not to think about it. Even as Mary says the words _Dad’s_ _dead_ , it doesn’t quite sink in.

It only sinks in when he gets to the hospital and finds his mother looking completely broken, sandwiched between his brother and sister on white plastic hospital chairs. His Mom is the strongest person he knows, and seeing her looking as though her spirit has been utterly destroyed is a truly terrifying thing. He holds her and lets her cry against his shoulder, and he knows that right now he has to be strong for her, because his Dad is dead and she needs Joe now.

Joe’s own grief doesn’t really kick in until after the funeral. He’s been so busy running around organising everything, making sure that his Mom is ok and checking in on his brother and sister, that he doesn’t really have time to mourn. It’s only when he gets home the night after the funeral that he finally allows himself to collapse on his bed and _weep_.

His loss suddenly hits him and it’s like someone’s clawed their way into his chest and ripped out his heart. His ribcage heaves as he struggles to breathe, and he wishes he didn’t live alone because he just needs someone to hold him.

Joe scrambles for his phone and scrolls through his contacts with a shaking hand, and there’s one name that immediately jumps out at him- one name that just _looks_ comforting. Joe’s thumb hovers over the name hesitantly, before he takes a deep breath and hits _call_.

Despite the fact that it must be around three in the morning in London, John answers his phone after only five rings, his voice raspy with sleep.

“Joe?”

“I’m sorry,” Joe sobs, knowing how awful he must sound sniffing down the phone with a trembling voice. “I’m so so sorry to randomly phone you and wake you in the middle of the night; I...I just really needed to talk to you.”

“Joe?” John sounds more awake now but also more worried. “Joe, what’s wrong? Are you alright?”

Joe chokes out another sob. “Oh god, I’m so sorry to bother you, I just didn’t know who else to turn to.”

“It’s alright, Joe,” John says gently, his voice firm but soft at the same time. “Don’t worry about it. Try and calm down for me; you’re breathing awfully fast. Count to ten with me, Joe- come on, we’ll do it together.”

“One,” Joe says at the same time as John, his voice trembling.

“Good lad. Keep going now- two.”

They count to ten together, and Joe can feel his heart rate slowly returning to normal and it isn’t such a battle to inhale oxygen anymore. He closes his eyes and reminds himself that he’s safe at home.

“Joe?” John’s voice is still full of concern. “Talk to me.”

“I’m here,” Joe says quietly. “I’m ok. Thanks, John. I’m really sorry if I freaked you out.”

“Well, I was a bit worried about you,” John chuckles softly. “You sound terribly upset. What on earth’s going on?”

Joe rubs his eyes. “My dad died a few days ago. The funeral was today. I guess it’s just hitting me now.”

There’s a short pause on the other end of the line.

“Oh, _Joe_ ,” John says softly. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“Thanks.” Joe rubs a hand over his face tiredly. “I guess I just needed someone to talk to. Someone outside my family, y’know? You were the first person I thought of, I’m sorry. I guess I just thought of you because you’re a great listener.”

“Don’t be sorry,” John says firmly. “I can talk to you. Or listen. Whatever you want. Whatever you need me for.”

Joe doesn’t need further permission, and he finds himself launching into a monologue that he didn’t even realise he’d been composing in his head. He ends up babbling about how much he misses his Dad, even though it’s been less than a week. He talks about how horrible it’s been watching his Mom break down and cry every single day, and the strain it’s put on his siblings. He lets out every dark thought he’s had over the last few days, and as usual John listens to him patiently and asks thoughtful questions and gives kind reassurances.

“He was my best friend,” Joe says miserably. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do without him.”

“I know how painful this must be for you,” John says sympathetically. “My father passed away when I was a child, and even now it still hurts thinking about him.”

Joe had forgotten that John lost his own father so young; he vaguely recalls reading as part of his research that John’s father died when he was eleven. John must be an expert at dealing with grief; he’s had to face painful loss too many times in his life, and Joe reflects that he probably made the best possible decision by dialling John’s number.

They talk a while longer about Joe’s Dad before they stray into other topics and make a bit of small talk around John’s children. It isn’t until Joe glances at the clock that he realises they’ve been talking for over two hours.

“God, it must be like five in the morning in London,” Joe groans. “I’m so sorry to keep you up, John.”

“Don’t be silly,” John chuckles. “I don’t get much sleep these days anyway. It’s been lovely to talk to you again and hear your voice, even under the sad circumstances.”

“Yeah.” Joe smiles for the first time in days. “It’s been good to talk to you too. Thank you so much for listening to me; I really appreciate it. I promise I won’t call you at three in the morning again and freak you out with my crying.”

“Stop apologising, Joe. I really don’t mind at all so please don’t worry about it. If you’re ever feeling upset or lonely or you need someone to talk to, then please call me. Day or night. I want to help in any way I can.”

“Thanks, John.” Joe can’t believe how much better he feels now compared to two hours ago. “Listen, I’m gonna be back in London later this month. My agent has set up a meeting with some producers about a possible job, and I’m gonna spend some time with Ben and Gwil. Do you wanna meet up while I’m over there? If you’re not too busy? Uh, if you want to.”

“I’d love to,” John says quickly. “It would be lovely to see you again.”

Joe feels happy for the first time in weeks.

“Cool. I’ll text you when I’m over and we can sort something out. I’ll let you get back to bed. Thanks again, John.”

“Anytime. Take care of yourself, Joe. And remember, you can always give me a call if you need to.”

“I will. Goodnight, John.”

“Goodnight, Joe.”

After they’ve said goodbye, Joe collapses back onto the bed. It was so good to hear John’s voice again, and the thought of actually getting to _see_ him soon gives Joe something to look forward to as the grief starts to swallow him again.

When Joe eventually drifts off to sleep, it’s the first night since his Dad died where he doesn’t have nightmares. 

*****

Joe had hoped that returning to London would mean he could leave all his problems and overwhelming sadness behind in New York.

In reality, it makes him feel homesick and guilty for leaving his family alone during such a difficult time.

“You _need_ some time away from home,” Ben says when Joe turns up at his flat, pulling the older man into a tight hug. “You need a few days to get your head together.”

“Yeah.” Joe does feel a little better already in the presence of one of his best friends. “It beats moping around at home. I just need to not think about my Dad for a while.”

Ben gives him a reassuring smile. “I can help you with that.”

“I knew you would. Are we picking up Gwil on the way to the restaurant?”

“Er.” Ben bites his lip, blushing slightly. “He’s already here, actually.”

The implication of that doesn’t quite hit Joe until he sees Gwil emerge sheepishly from the direction of Ben’s bedroom.

_Oh._

Joe grins; he knew this trip would cheer him up and help him to forget all the crap that’s been going on.

“Hey, Joe,” Gwil says softly. “It’s good to see you, mate.”

They share a brief hug and then Joe is looking between his two friends eagerly.

“So,” Joe says, feeling more excited than he has in weeks. “Who’s gonna tell me the story?”

Gwil pretends to look confused. “What story?”

“Don’t play coy with me, Gwilym. The story of how you two started banging, of course. You’ve been up to a lot since I left, so give me the details.”

“It’s not a very interesting story.” Ben rolls his eyes.

“Ah-ha!” Joe points an accusatory finger at the younger man. “So you admit it! Come on, guys, _please_. I’ve been feeling really shitty lately and hearing the story of how my two best friends fell into bed together would do me a world of good.”

Ben sighs. “Fine.”

Joe listens intently as his friends recount how they’d ended up having sex the day that filming had wrapped after getting rather drunk, and after avoiding each other for a few weeks had met up for dinner and ended up having sex again. From then on they’d started dating (amongst yet _more_ sex), and now it’s blossomed into something rather affectionate that seems to be going quite well.

“What a cute story,” Joe says with a wink. “Bet your parents will love hearing it at your wedding. Seriously though, guys- I’m happy for you. You two are great together and Rami and I were always saying what a cute couple you’d make.”

Gwil and Ben share a small smile that makes Joe’s heart ache, because he can’t remember the last time anyone smiled at him like that.

Joe is incredibly happy for his friends, but if he’s being honest with himself he’s also a little sad. He’s sad because Gwil and Ben have each other, and Rami has Lucy, and Joe has no one. He knows it’s a petty and jealous thing to think, but he’s been single for so long and his loneliness seems to be even more apparent now that his Dad is gone.

His afternoon with Gwil and Ben does take his mind off things for a while, but seeing the two of them sit impossibly close and share the odd intimate touch makes him long for something that’s so far out of reach for him.

When Joe gets back to his hotel that night, he sends a quick text to John, before pulling up some old Queen concert footage on his phone and unbuckling his belt.

*****

John invites Joe round to his house the following evening.

“I’m so sorry,” is the first thing that John says as he pulls the younger man in for a hug. “Oh Joe, I’m _so_ sorry.”

“Thanks.” Joe hugs John back, closing his eyes as he takes in the older man’s familiar scent. “And thanks for having me over. I really appreciate it.”

Seeing John again instantly makes Joe feel far more relaxed.

“Don’t mention it.” John’s voice is soft as he leads Joe into the living room and hands him a glass of wine.

“Exactly what I need,” Joe says with a smile, taking the glass gratefully. “God bless you, John Deacon.”

They sit and make some brief small talk about John’s kids and the project that Joe’s agent is scoping out for him, before they eventually turn to the topic Joe has been dreading.

“And how have you been coping the last few weeks?” John gives him a sympathetic look.

“Not well,” Joe admits. “It’s like every morning I wake up and forget he’s gone. And when I remember it’s the most soul destroying feeling. I hate it.”

John puts his hand on Joe’s back and rubs soothingly. His hand is warm and large over the fabric of Joe’s t-shirt, and Joe feels as though his skin is on fire just from that one touch.

“It’s the worst feeling in the world,” John agrees. “Time helps numb the pain but there’s always a part of you that will feel like that.”

“Yeah,” Joe sighs, staring glumly at the floor and trying to focus on the feeling of John’s hand on his back.

“What was your dad like?” John asks softly. “I’d love to know more about him. If you’re okay talking about it, that is.”

Joe finds it rather cathartic telling John all about his dad. He tells the older man about how his parents had met as children, and how they’d opened a dance studio together and raised three kids. He tells John about his Dad’s determination and amazing work ethic and what a good example he was to all his children. Joe talks about their road trips across various states, and shows John some of the photos he has stored on his phone. He tells John about how supportive his Dad had been of his acting career, and how he’d cried when Joe got the role in BoRhap.

“He sounds like an amazing man,” John says with a small smile.

“He was the best.” Joe can hear his voice getting thick as he blinks back tears. “I miss him so much.”

Joe feels shame wash over him as the tears slide down his cheeks, and he tries to hastily wipe the tears away because he can’t believe he’s _crying_ in front of John Deacon.

“Oh, Joe,” John says softly. “It’s alright. Come here.”

John wraps an arm around Joe’s shoulders and pulls him close, and for a moment Joe thinks his heart may burst. The gesture is far more intimate than any hug they’ve ever shared, and Joe allows himself to rest his head on the older man’s shoulder as he feels John rub his arm. 

John is _holding_ him.

Joe knows that it’s a gesture which is intended to comfort, but there’s a part of him that can’t help but hope that maybe it’s something more. Maybe John has been having similar feelings to Joe about their close relationship, and maybe there’s a chance that he wants Joe too.

Joe feels incredibly guilty for letting all of this run through his mind while he’s meant to be grieving for his father, and when John is being so kind and accommodating.

“Are you alright?” John asks gently, and Joe can feel the older man’s breath tickling his hair.

Joe takes a deep breath. It’s now or never.

“Yeah.” Joe lifts his head to meet John’s warm eyes, his heart hammering. “I am now.”

He leans forward slowly and presses his lips against John’s.

He’s imagined this moment a thousand times in his head, but John’s lips had never been _this_ soft in any of his fantasies.

Joe closes his eyes and moves his lips gently against John’s, wrapping his arms around the older man’s neck as he finally gets everything he’s wanted for the last few months-

And then there’s a hand on his chest pushing him back gently but firmly.

Joe is a little dazed at first, but his heart stops when he realises that John has pushed him away. The sting of rejection hits Joe like a lightning bolt, and the look of pity on John’s face makes Joe want to crawl into a corner and die.

“Joe,” John says in a tone that’s difficult to decipher, “you’re not in your right mind at the moment.”

“No,” Joe says quickly, trying to diffuse the situation. “No, John, it’s- it’s not like that. This has nothing to do with my Dad.”

“Of course it does.” John smiles sadly. “You’ve just lost your father and you’re finding it difficult to deal with your grief. I’m just a kind old man who listens to you and now you’re mixing those feelings up.”

Joe can’t believe how horribly wrong this is going. John must think the kiss was a result of some daddy issues that Joe is experiencing at the moment, and his longing for some kind of father figure.

“No,” Joe says, and he can feel the tears sliding down his cheeks. “No...listen. I’ve wanted you for a long time. Like, I developed this really embarrassing crush on you before we even met, and then when you came to the BoRhap set you were so kind and sweet and I started developing feelings for you. _Real_ feelings. And as we got to know each other I found myself thinking about you all the time, and I wanted you so badly-“

“Joe,” John interrupts, looking utterly miserable. “Stop. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Yes I do,” Joe whines, and he _hates_ himself because he knows how childish and immature he must look with wet cheeks and red eyes and a trembling bottom lip. How could John ever want him now?

“You don’t, Joe. I understand that you’re feeling vulnerable and upset right now, but we can’t do this. You’ll wake up tomorrow feeling disgusted with yourself and having a huge amount of regret for what you just did. I can’t allow it to go any further.”

_Disgusted_.

_Regret_.

Joe wishes he could sink into the floor and disappear from every dimension of reality.

John doesn’t want him. And what’s more, John thinks that Joe’s confession was nothing more than the result of an accumulation of grief and loneliness.

Joe swallows. “Right. Sorry. I’ll...I’ll just go.”

He’s fucked up big time.

“ _Joe_ ,” John says pleadingly.

“I need to go,” Joe says, because he can’t stand John’s pity anymore. “I’m really sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. Thanks again for listening.”

John doesn’t say anything as he sees Joe out, and Joe can’t bring himself to look at the older man’s face.

They don’t share their usual goodbye hug, but John does give his usual farewell wish.

“Take care of yourself, Joe.”

As Joe glances back up the driveway, he’s not sure if he imagines it but he’s almost sure that he can see John’s eyes wet with tears.

Then again, it could just be his own tears mixed with wishful thinking.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe’s time in London is coming to an end...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you for all the lovely comments, feedback and questions! I’m really overwhelmed by the response this fic has had and I’m so glad you’re all enjoying it.
> 
> Apologies that it’s taking me a week to update (as you can see the chapters are quite long), but I hope the wait is worth it! 
> 
> Come and say hi on tumblr @bohemian-rhapsody-slash

Joe spends the rest of his time in London feeling like he’s falling back into the pit of despair he’s so desperately been trying to escape.

His mind keeps replaying the moment John had rejected his kiss in excruciating detail- he can feel the softness of John’s lips, the warmth of John’s hand on his chest as the older man gently pushes him away; he can see the shock and the pity in the older man’s eyes. The warm eyes that had haunted his fantasies had looked at him as though he was nothing but an immature child who doesn’t know what he wants.

Joe can’t stop thinking about it, his brain playing those few seconds on a loop over and over, and everything that happens in the following days only seems to put him in a worse mood.

Despite his agent’s best efforts, Joe doesn’t get the job he’d been hoping for. They meet with the producers of an independent film who clearly aren’t interested in Joe from the moment they look at him, and it’s a painful 45 minutes as Joe’s agent desperately tries to persuade them that he’s perfect for the role. But Joe knows it’s a losing battle and he leaves the meeting feeling even more dejected.

Joe had thought that meeting up with Gwil and Ben again would cheer him up, but now that they’re a couple seeing them only makes him more miserable. He can’t help but look away when his friends share a very brief kiss, and he wants to scream when Gwil dares to put his arm around Ben’s shoulders. Their public affection isn’t the least bit inappropriate, but it still leaves Joe feeling shamefully irritated. In fact the innocence of it all makes his heart ache more, because he would give anything to be able to share a secret smile with someone the way Gwil and Ben do with each other.

They seem to notice that Joe has been quieter than usual and a little short with them all evening, but when Gwil gently asks if everything’s ok, Joe just blames it on the job that fell through. A part of him wants to talk to them about the real reason he’s upset, but he also doesn’t want to humiliate himself further by admitting to them that he’s been crushing on a man in his sixties who promptly turned him down. His friends don’t press him any further, but he can tell they know something isn’t quite right.

Joe mopes around in his hotel room for the rest of his stay, drinking from the minibar and watching crap on TV. It’s the first time he’s been in London where he actually can’t wait to go home, and he finds himself becoming increasingly homesick. He tries not to think about anything to do with Queen or BoRhap, and tries instead to think about his Mom and his friends in New York.

He does a good job of it too, until his phone buzzes the morning before he’s due to leave. When Joe swipes his lock screen, expecting to see a message from his Mom or possibly Ben, he’s surprised to instead see a text from John.

 _Joe_ , _I’m_ _sorry_ _about_ _how_ _we_ _left_ _things_ _the_ _other_ _night_. _Would_ _really_ _like_ _to_ _see_ _you_ _before_ _you_ _go_ _back_ _to_ _New_ _York_. _Is_ _there_ _any_ _chance_ _I_ _can_ _come_ _and_ _see_ _you_ _at_ _your_ _hotel_ _tonight_? _x_

 

Joe blinks and reads the text a few times. At first it almost comes across as a hookup proposition, but then Joe laughs for even allowing himself to entertain that impossible thought when he thinks of what happened the last time they met. John had made it very clear that he isn’t interested in Joe romantically or sexually, and the sting of rejection hits him in the chest again like a torpedo.

But no matter how much Joe wants to hate John, he can’t ignore the feelings he’s been developing over the last few months. John Deacon is a very difficult man to hate, and despite Joe’s instincts, he still wants to see John, to be _near_ him.

He texts John the name of his hotel and his room number and says he’ll be around from 7, but doesn’t add any more detail than that. 

Joe throws his phone over the other side of the room and burrows himself in bed, desperately trying not to think of John’s smile.

*****

Joe must fall asleep that afternoon, because he’s woken by a soft knock on his door.

He groggily pulls himself out of bed, and having forgotten the text he received earlier, is shocked to find John hovering sheepishly outside.

As always, Joe’s heart beats a little faster when he sees the older man, and the image of John pushing him away forces its way into his brain again, playing over and over as if being projected onto a giant movie theatre screen.

“Sorry,” John says as he takes in Joe’s dishevelled appearance. “Did I wake you?”

“Yeah but it’s fine.” Joe runs his fingers shakily through his messy hair, checking his watch. “Sorry, I should have set an alarm or something.”

John shoves his hands in his pockets and eyes the room behind Joe. “Is this still a good time to talk or...?”

“Sure.” Joe steps aside to let John in, and he really wishes he’d woken up sooner because he knows he must look like shit in an old t-shirt and track pants. John, on the other hand, looks relatively smart in a button up shirt tucked into his jeans, and a suit jacket which he quickly removes and throws over the arm of the sofa. Joe wonders if he’s come from somewhere else, or is perhaps off somewhere after this.

“Do you want something to drink?” Joe asks, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror. “Uh, I’ve got a ton of stuff in the mini bar-“

“I’m fine, thanks.” John gives him a soft smile and gestures at the sofa. “Come and sit with me?”

Joe’s feet carry him over to the sofa, and he sits beside the older man, making sure to leave a reasonable amount of distance between the two of them. He doesn’t want to make John anymore uncomfortable than he has done already.

There’s a moment of awkward silence while John is clearly deciding what he wants to say with a conflicted look on his face.

“How have you been?” John asks eventually.

“Fine,” Joe lies. 

John sighs, quickly abandoning the attempt at small talk.

“I can tell you’re upset,” the older man says quietly. “You have every right to be.”

Joe doesn’t say anything and stares at his hands. He feels the sofa dip as John shifts closer to him, and Joe resists the urge to mirror him, because as much as he hates to admit it he just wants to have John’s arms around him again. It’s only now that he notices the older man is wearing a new cologne, something different to his usual scent.

“Joe, please look at me.”

Joe slowly lifts his head, but he already knows his eyes are wet with unshed tears and once again he feels like an immature child in front of someone he respects and cares about so much. John moves as if he’s going to hug Joe, but seems to stop himself.

“Listen.” John’s voice is impossibly soft. “The reason I wanted to see you was because I need to apologise for what happened the other night.”

“Apologise?” Joe’s voice is thick, and he knows he must look a mess.

John nods sadly. “When you...kissed me...I don’t think I dealt with it in the best way.”

The image of John firmly pushing Joe away once again resurfaces in his brain.

“I probably made things a lot worse,” John continues. “I know I made you feel even more awful when you were already very low, and I hate myself for it. There were a lot of reasons why I stopped that kiss, but I wanted to tell you-“ John cuts off, and glances at Joe nervously. “I wanted to tell you that I didn’t stop that kiss because I didn’t want you.”

Joe feels as though all the oxygen has been sucked out of his lungs.

“I don’t want you to think for a second, Joe, that I stopped that kiss because I don’t find you attractive, or because I’m not interested in you romantically. I stopped that kiss because it was in your best interest.”

Joe is frozen on the spot; the room is spinning. He tries to digest what John has just told him, wondering if maybe he’s still asleep in his hotel bed and he’s dreaming this whole conversation.

“Just so we’re clear,” Joe finally says, “Are you saying that you _do_ find me attractive? And you _are_ interested in me romantically?”

Joe tries not to sound too hopeful.

John smiles shyly. “Well, _yes_. How could I not be? I get on so well with you and we seem to just click, not to mention you’re gorgeous. I guess when we first became friends I was just so flattered that this beautiful young man was taking such an interest in me, and then as we got to know each other I started having all these feelings that I haven’t felt in so long-“

John ducks his head, embarrassed.

“Oh,” is all Joe says, because right now his heart is doing somersaults.

“I was just going to keep it to myself. Admire you from afar.” John gives a soft chuckle. “I didn’t want you thinking I was some pervy old man. But then when you kissed me last week I thought you were just so overcome by grief that you wanted to kiss _someone_. I couldn’t take advantage of you like that. Of course when I saw how upset you were I realised perhaps there was more to it and I’d made everything worse. So I just wanted you to know how wanted you are.”

The tears are sliding down Joe’s cheeks now.

John thinks he’s beautiful.

John has feelings for him. 

John _wants_ him.

Joe tries to move closer to John, but the older man seems determined to keep some distance between them.  

“I don’t understand,” Joe says, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. “I’ve made it clear I want you. If you want me, why don’t you just take me?”

John sighs. “You know why, Joe. No matter how we feel about each other, anything more than friendship could never work between us.”

“Why not?” Joe demands, once again aware that he sounds like a petulant child.

John frowns. “ _Why_ _not_? How about the thirty two year age difference and the fact that we live on different continents?”

“So? Why should that matter? You make me happy and I make you happy and we’re not hurting anyone. Isn’t that enough?” Joe ignores the point about them living on different continents, because right now his brain can only deal with one argument at a time.

“Jesus.” John rubs his face tiredly. “Listen, Joe. You deserve the best. And I’m definitely not the best for you.”

“Not the best?” Joe parrots. “You’re John fucking Deacon. Of course you’re the best.”

“I’m not far off 70 years old, Joe. Old enough to be your father. You’re too young to know what you want-“

“I’m 34, I’m not a fucking child-“

“Listen to me. You have your whole life ahead of you. You should be with someone closer to your own age. Someone you can grow old with.”

Joe swallows. The implication being of course, that he and John could never grow old together. It’s a reality that Joe has been trying to ignore.

“I don’t care,” Joe says, and he knows that once again he sounds like a sulky child as the tears blur his vision. “I _want_ you. I want you so much, John.”

“We could never be public,” John says sadly. “It would ruin your career. It doesn’t matter about me; my career is over. But you’re so talented, Joe, and I’d hate to see what the press would say about you if they ever found out about us.”

“I don’t care,” Joe says adamantly. “I don’t care what anyone says. If I have to choose my career or you, then I’d choose you any day.”

“Listen to yourself,” John groans in frustration. “You will regret being with me. You know how much you love acting. Six months or a year down the line you’ll realise this isn’t really what you want. Do you think this is what your dad would have wanted for you?”

Joe feels his heart drop, and he must flinch a little because John is immediately pulling him into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” John whispers into his hair. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Joe blinks back the tears before meeting John’s eyes.

“My dad would have wanted me to be happy.”

John brushes a tear from Joe’s cheekbone with one thumb. “Your dad would have hated me. A pervy old man trying to take advantage of his son.”

Joe laughs and sniffs, burying his face in John’s shoulder and breathing in his scent. “My dad would have loved you actually. He was the world’s biggest fucking Queen fan.”

John rubs Joe’s back, his hand large and warm through the fabric of Joe’s t-shirt. “I wish I could have met him.”

Joe looks up, his eyes shining. “Please don’t do this to me,” he whispers. “We have a connection and I know you feel it too. I need you, John.”

“Joe,” John says, his voice thick as Joe presses a gentle kiss to his jaw.

“We care about each other. We have feelings for each other. That’s all that matters. I don’t care how long we have together or what other people think about us but I want to be with you and I want to make the most of it.”

“ _Joe_ ,” John says firmly, taking the younger man’s hands in his own. “Think about what you’re saying here.”

“I have thought about it. Every minute we’re together. Every minute we’re apart. I’m done thinking. I just want to be happy.”

Joe looks into John’s eyes, and is about to give up completely until he feels John cup his cheek.

“I’m a weak old man,” John says softly, his thumb brushing across Joe’s stubble. “And I just want to be happy too.”

He leans in and firmly plants his lips against the younger man’s.

Joe’s heart is thumping and he’s sure his whole body is trembling simply from the feeling of John’s lips pressed against his. It only lasts a few seconds but it’s _electric_.

When they part they both look at each other for a moment, smiling shyly before they lean in for another kiss. This one is just as soft but a little less chaste; they nip at each other’s lips gently, and Joe wraps his arms around John’s neck, as he feels the older man place one hand on his waist and use the other to gently caress his cheek. Joe melts into the kiss completely, feeling like a teenager who’s finally getting to make out with his first crush.

Eventually their kiss gets a little more heated when Joe feels John’s tongue probing his mouth, and Joe happily allows him access. John tastes of coffee and cigarettes, and Joe knows his own mouth must taste like shit as he hasn’t brushed his teeth today. But that doesn’t seem to stop John from trying to devour him, and having built up his confidence, Joe manoeuvres himself so that he’s straddling John’s lap.

Joe cups the older man’s face as they pause for breath, taking in the sight of John’s flushed cheeks and his slightly swollen lips. He looks more beautiful than anything Joe has ever imagined in any of his fantasies, and he leans down to seal their lips together again. John keeps his hands respectfully on Joe’s waist, but when the younger man starts letting out soft little moans John boldly slips his hands lower to grope Joe’s ass.

Joe gasps into the older man’s mouth as his brain tries to process the fact that he’s sitting in _John_ _Deacon’s_ lap, making out with him as the rock legend gropes his ass. He’s sure he’s gonna wake up any second now.

Eventually they pull apart after nipping each other’s lips a few more times, and they sit there and look at each other for a moment before laughing gently.

“Oh my God,” Joe giggles, feeling happier than he’s felt in months.“Did that really just happen?”

John smiles up at Joe and kisses his cheek. “It certainly did.” He caresses the younger man’s face gently. “You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe you’re actually letting me touch you like this.”

Joe is aware of what a sight he must look, but he blushes anyway. He leans forward for another kiss, which becomes more desperate, and it’s then that he feels something hard digging into his backside.

“I’m sorry,” John says quickly, face flushed in embarrassment. “I may not be as young as I used to be, but my body still reacts the same way to having a beautiful man in my lap.”

“Don’t apologise.” Joe boldly reaches down and palms John’s crotch, grinning when the older man throws his head back with a moan. The adrenaline is coursing through his veins as he fumbles with John’s belt excitedly.

“Joe.” John grabs the younger man’s wrist, breathing heavily. “This is moving very fast, sweetheart. You don’t have to-“

“I want to. God, I want to _so_ _much_. I’ve thought about this for so long, John, and I’m going back to New York tomorrow and I don’t know when I’ll see you again. Please, let me.”

John looks at him for a moment, a mixture of hesitance and pure want in his eyes, before nodding and releasing Joe’s wrist.

Joe beams and continues his work with John’s belt and jeans. He wriggles himself off the older man’s lap and stands, offering his hands to help John up. When the older man stands, his jeans and underwear fall down his thighs, and Joe pushes them down completely, encouraging John to step out of them so he can toss them aside. He gives John a gentle push so that he falls back down onto the sofa, and Joe licks his lips at the sight in front of him.

John isn’t completely naked, but from the waist down is good enough. His cock is rock hard and it makes Joe’s mouth water; it’s certainly not the biggest Joe has ever seen, but it’s a good size and Joe can’t believe he actually gets to see John like this, to _touch_ him.

Joe falls to his knees between John’s legs and takes hold of the older man’s cock in one hand, stroking gently. It’s warm and thick in his hand, and Joe can’t help but imagine what it would be like to have it inside him, but for now he’s satisfied with watching the pleasure on John’s features as Joe jerks him off. John lets out an appreciative moan, and Joe grins as he strokes a little faster. 

He leans forward and licks a stripe up John’s cock, mouthing at his erection as the older man’s breathing gets heavier. Joe tries to remember the blowjob techniques he’s perfected over the years, but it all goes out the window because he keeps reminding himself that this is John Deacon’s dick he’s sucking. So he decides to just wing it and hope for the best. 

He fondles John’s balls gently as he finally takes the older man’s cock into his mouth, running his tongue along the head before sinking further down. John may not have the biggest cock Joe has ever sucked, but he’s still large enough that Joe struggles a little, so he wraps one hand around the base and strokes as he sucks. Like all other men Joe has done this for, John has his own unique taste- musky with a hint of bitterness.

“ _Fuck_ ,” John gasps, and Joe drools around John’s dick as he’s never heard John swear before. “Joe, oh my God. You’re so good.”

The small amount of praise goes straight to Joe’s dick, but he ignores it in favour of working to give John as much pleasure as he’s able to. He hums happily when he feels John’s hands in his hair, stroking encouragingly.

“Good boy,” John praises throatily. “You’re doing so well, Joe.”

Joe wants to cry with joy. An hour ago he thought John could never want him, and now here he is being told he’s a good boy as he sucks the dick of the man he’s wanted for so long.

Joe pulls off of John’s cock with a _pop_ , looking up at the older man a little nervously.

“Hey,” Joe says gently, his voice a little raspy. “Can I ask you a favour?”

John caresses Joe’s cheek, his eyes soft. “Anything.”

“Could you, um, just let me know when you’re about to...finish? Sorry to ask, I’m just not a big fan of guys, er, you know...in my mouth.”

Joe has never really understood the appeal of having a guy’s spunk in your mouth, and he’s never been fond of the taste. He’d dated a guy a few years ago who “forgot” to tell Joe when he was about to come a couple of times, and it just made the experience degrading and unenjoyable.

“Of course,” John says softly. “I would have told you anyway, but I’m really glad you said something. I completely understand; I’m not really a big fan of it either.”

Joe leans forward to kiss John again, hoping that the older man won’t mind the taste of himself, but John kisses back enthusiastically. Joe feels a wave of affection rush over him in response to this moment of understanding they’ve shared, and when he takes John’s dick back in his mouth he gives it his all.

He uses his lips and tongue and mouth to make John sigh and gasp and moan Joe’s name, and soon the older manis trembling beneath him.

“Joe,” John says breathlessly. “I’m close.”

Joe pulls off, giving one last kiss to the tip of John’s cock as thanks for the warning, before pumping the older man until he spills over Joe’s hand. Getting to watch John’s face while he orgasms is another advantage of this, and when their eyes meet when it’s over they both share a soft laugh. 

“God,” John sighs happily, his face completely flushed. “That was _incredible_. Absolutely incredible, Joe. Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.” Joe grins. “Let me go find you some tissues so you don’t get all sticky.”

They each take turns in the bathroom for a quick clean up, and when John emerges (sadly wearing his jeans again), he cups Joe’s face and kisses him slowly. 

“Your turn?” John asks with a smile when they part.

“You don’t have to,” Joe says with a shy smile, but he’s glad when John insists that he really _does_ want to. 

“Do you mind if we move to the bed?” John asks. “I don’t think my knees can quite take the floor anymore.”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with.” Joe allows himself to be led over to the bed, and he shivers when John dips his fingers beneath the waistband of Joe’s track pants and underwear to pull them down his hips. He can feel himself blushing as he steps out of them; he’s always felt a little self conscious the first time he’s been in any state of undress in front of anyone else. There’s a part of him that wants to remove his t-shirt too, but for now he decides to leave it on. Even though his cock is out, the t-shirt makes him feel a little less exposed. 

“Lovely thing,” John murmurs appreciatively, kissing Joe’s neck as he takes the younger man’s erection in his hand and starts to stroke.

Joe’s knees go weak; John’s hand is warm and calloused and utter perfection. He’s grateful for John’s arm around his waist, otherwise he genuinely thinks he would collapse on the floor.

John guides Joe to the bed, allowing him to get comfortable, and settles himself on his front between the younger man’s spread legs, kissing his right knee.

“It’s been a while since I’ve done this,” John admits nervously, “so tell me if I do anything you don’t like.”

Joe wonders when the last time John did this was, and with whom, although Joe has a pretty good idea about the _who_ part. He doesn’t voice his thoughts though, not wanting to ruin the moment. Instead Joe nods in confirmation, and grips the sheets when he feels John’s tongue on his erection. He’s painfully embarrassed to admit that he’s not going to last long at all, especially when John wraps his lips around his dick and sucks.

Joe curls his toes against the mattress, overcome by the wet warmth of the older man’s mouth and the pleasure building in the pit of his stomach. He runs a hand through John’s thinning hair, biting his lip before gasping the older man’s name. John clearly hasn’t done this in a while; he’s slightly clumsy in a way that might indicate he’s out of practice, but as his confidence grows his technique seems to come back to him, and soon Joe is writhing and panting on the bed.

Objectively speaking it may not be the best blowjob he’s ever had, but the fact this is _John_ doing this to him makes it so much more special. Joe can’t ever remember wanting a man more in his life, or feeling so emotionally connected to a man who’s sucking his dick.

He remembers to let John know when he’s about to come, and the older man kisses his inner thigh as he skilfully jerks Joe off. 

Within moments Joe feels a wave of pleasure wash over him and he’s arching his back as he comes, moaning John’s name as his chest threatens to burst with euphoria.

His head is spinning as his body goes limp, and he feels John’s lips on his thigh.

“Are you alright?” John asks softly, and he looks a little uncertain, as if he’s not quite sure if he’s lived up to Joe’s expectations.

“Incredible,” Joe laughs breathlessly. “Absolutely amazing. Come here.”

John crawls up to kiss Joe on the lips. This all still feels like a wonderful dream.

“Stay the night?” Joe kisses John’s jaw. “Please?”

John nods and holds Joe close.

Joe eventually tears himself away from John to clean himself up and to find John some clothes to wear in bed. The endorphins are still dancing through his brain as he replays what just happened in his head. The earlier loop of John rejecting his kiss from the other night has faded away now, leaving space instead for the image of John sucking his cock.

They slip under the covers together, and Joe feels warmth bloom in his chest when John wraps an arm around his waist and shuffles closer to him.

“Are you alright?” John asks again.

Joe nods. “I’m good.”

“Are you happy?”

Joe nods again, his eyes shining. “Very. Are you happy?”

John’s smile is blinding. “The happiest I’ve been in a very long time.”

They share another gentle kiss, before falling asleep in each other’s arms.

******

It’s of course inevitable that as soon as Joe is starting to feel good again, it has to abruptly come to an end.

When Joe’s alarm wakes them the next morning, Joe groans when he remembers he has a flight to catch, and buries his face in John’s chest. He can hear the steady thump of the older man’s heart and feels the warmth of his arms; it seems almost impossible that he’ll be able to get out of bed. Luckily, John seems to have more self discipline, and after a short and sweet good morning kiss, he gently encourages Joe out of the bed.

They shower and dress separately; as much as Joe would love to shower with John, he wants to give the older man some space after what happened last night. Besides, he knows that if they do shower together he’ll end up doing things to John that will make him late for his flight.

John helps him pack in companionable silence, neither of them acknowledging that they’re not sure when they’ll see each other again. The older man drives Joe to the airport, smiling warmly when Joe briefly touches his thigh when _A_ _Kind_ _of_ _Magic_ comes on the radio. John even walks Joe all the way to security after they arrive at the airport, and insists on wheeling his suitcase for him.

At the point where they need to part, they stand and look at each other with awkward but warm smiles.

“So.” Joe swallows, trying not to cry. “I can come back to London in a few weeks.”

John nods. “I look forward to it. Text me when you get home.”

“I will. God, I’m sorry, I guess this is just hitting me now. We’re finally together and now we have to be apart again.”

“We’ll talk every day.” John caresses Joe’s cheek gently. “And next time you’re here you can come and stay with me.”

Joe nods, already looking forward to it. “I can’t wait.”

He does a quick glance around, but nobody seems to recognise them or pay them any attention, so Joe pulls John into a quick goodbye kiss. John seems to be a little startled at being kissed in public, and pulls away after a moment, but when he does his own nervous glance around to confirm that no one is watching, he pulls Joe back in and holds him close as their lips meet again briefly. 

It’s the best possible way this trip could have ended.

“Take care of yourself, Joe,” John says softly with one final kiss to the cheek.

“You too, John.”

It’s painful to tear himself away but Joe knows he has a flight to catch. He waves to John and watches the older man disappear as he wheels his suitcase through security, his heart feeling a little heavier with every step he takes.

Although they’ve had to say goodbye again, Joe feels happier than he’s felt in a very long time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Joe try to continue their romance while on different continents...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another week, another chapter. I’m thrilled so many people are enjoying this- keep the comments and questions coming!
> 
> Tumblr @bohemian-rhapsody-slash

It still all seems like a wonderful dream.

Throughout the entire plane journey, Joe keeps replaying last night in his head over and over. He smiles to himself as he thinks of John’s lips on his, warm and soft. He has to shift his blanket over his lap a little when he thinks of John’s lips sliding down his dick, but the thing that actually makes him blush the most is thinking about how incredibly intimate it was sleeping next to John. The memory of John’s arm casually slung over his waist makes Joe’s heart pound faster than when he thinks of the older man sucking his cock.

The minute he lands in New York, he sends a quick text to John to let him know he’s arrived safely, and he grins when he gets a reply just a few minutes later.

 _Glad_ _to_ _hear_ _you’re_ _home_ _safely_. _Hope_ _you_ _had_ _a_ _good_ _flight. :)_ _Get_ _some_ _rest_ _and_ _we_ _can_ _talk_ _tomorrow_ _x_

 

The next day, they do end up talking over the phone. For nearly two hours.

It reminds Joe of when he’d phoned John in tears in the middle of the night not so long ago, but this time the conversation is a lot more pleasant.

They talk about the weather in New York and the weather in London. Joe updates John on how his family is doing (his Mom seems to be in better spirits), and a call he had with his agent this morning. John tells Joe about an upcoming visit to see his oldest son and grandchildren, which he seems really excited about. They spend the rest of the time talking about all sorts of random things- stuff that’s on TV, a new movie Joe wants to see, John’s neighbour’s dog that’s been barking at three in the morning and keeping him awake. 

They start to fall into a routine of having these conversations every day, and although most of the time they talk about stupid little things like TV shows and neighbour’s dogs, it quickly becomes Joe’s favourite part of the day. He talks John through using FaceTime so they can videochat instead of just talking over the phone, and Joe loves being able to see John’s face as well as hear his voice.

“I think I can come back to London in a few weeks,” Joe says excitedly when they’re in the middle of a videochat one night. “I need to be here for a while just to help my Mom out with some stuff, but I should be able to come back soon.”

John smiles. “That’s wonderful. It’s lovely to be able to see your face every day but it’ll be even more lovely to see you in person.”

“Yeah. I can’t wait to see you, John.” Joe swallows, deciding to be brave. Their conversations have so far been fairly innocent, and he’s determined to try and push their boundaries a little. “Can’t wait to kiss you again.”

There’s a micro expression that flickers across John’s face, something like shock, but then he’s blushing and smiling. 

“I’m looking forward to that too,” John admits a little shyly. “I can’t wait to hold you again, Joe. Just seeing you makes me think about everything I want to do to you when we’re next together.”

Joe sits up a little. This is starting to get interesting, and is moving a little more into the territory he was hoping for.

“Yeah?” Joe lowers his voice, hoping he sounds at least a little bit sexy. “What sort of things do you think about?”

John’s face gets visibly redder on the screen, and he laughs a little awkwardly, clearly embarrassed. Joe wonders if maybe John isn’t terribly experienced with dirty talk over the phone, and he doesn’t want to lose this moment. He wants to encourage John and build his confidence, so Joe decides he perhaps needs to take the first step.

“Tell you what,” Joe says gently, “I’ll go first.” He takes a deep breath. “I think about you kissing me. I think about you holding me in your arms and touching me everywhere. I think about us being naked together.”

John’s lips part slightly with a sharp intake of breath.

“I want to suck your cock again,” Joe continues. “I wanna take your dick in my mouth and suck you until your thighs are trembling and your knees are weak. And then when you’re rock hard, I want you inside me. I want you to fuck my ass until I’m screaming your name and I want you to screw me so hard that I feel you for days.”

“ _Jesus_ ,” John chuckles, but Joe can see the arousal in his eyes.

Joe grins. “You can touch yourself, if you like.”

John looks as though he really _wants_ to touch himself, but a look of uncertainty flashes across his face on the screen, as if he’s unsure whether Joe is being serious. Joe wants to make sure John feels completely comfortable with this, and he knows that means he’s going to have to allow himself to be a bit vulnerable too.

“ _I’m_ touching myself,” Joe says softly, hoping that will put John at ease as he fumbles with his belt. To prove he’s being truthful, Joe angles his phone at his crotch for a moment so that John can see him stroking his dick, and when he brings the screen back up to his face he can see John appears to be fumbling with his own belt.

“I’m imagining it’s you touching me right now.” Joe’s voice is husky with arousal as he strokes himself slowly, eyes fixed on John’s face on the screen. He can’t see anything below the older man’s chest, but Joe can tell from John’s heavy breathing and the movement of his arm that he’s definitely jerking off too.

“What would you want me to do, John? If I were with you right now?”

Joe almost doesn’t expect John to answer, so he’s surprised when the older man starts talking.

“I’d want you to kiss me,” John says with a slight tremble in his voice. “I’d want you naked in my lap kissing me, and I’d want you to stroke my cock.”

John falters a little on the word _cock_ , and he gazes at Joe a little shyly.

“Sounds good, John,” Joe says encouragingly, stroking himself faster. “That’s really hot. Would you want to fuck me?”

“ _Yes_ ,” John gasps.

“How would you want me? On my back? Me riding you?”

“On all fours.” John’s face is completely flushed now, his pupils blown wide with arousal. 

“Fuck yeah. You’d fuck me from behind, John? Screw me real deep?”

“Yeah.” John sounds really breathless now, the faint sound of him stroking his dick becoming increasingly louder. “I’d fuck you _hard_ , Joe. You’ve got such a nice arse and I bet you’re really hot and tight.”

Joe gasps a little when John says the word _arse_ , because _damn_ , Joe thinks he may be developing a little bit of an accent kink.

He strokes himself faster, and a few moments of silence pass as the two of them touch themselves, occasionally making eye contact.

John is the first to finish, which Joe is glad about, because he wouldn’t want to make the older man self conscious by waiting for him to come. He can feel John’s eyes on him as he strokes himself to completion, and when he orgasms Joe allows himself to let out a guttural moan. 

He takes a few moments to recover before smiling at John on the screen.

“Was that okay?” Joe asks gently, still a little breathless. He’s still slightly worried that maybe he’s pushed John a little too far.

John smiles at him. “That was great. That was...really sexy.”

“Yeah?” Joe grins. “It wasn’t too much?”

“It was fun. I really enjoyed it, Joe.”

“Good. I’m really glad your first experience of phone sex was positive.”

John chuckles. “Very positive indeed. Although, it wasn’t _actually_ my first experience of phone sex. But it has been rather a long time since I’ve done it. And we never had video chat back then, of course.”

“Really?” Joe says with interest. “You and Veronica used to get a little frisky over the phone while you were on tour?”

John laughs and blushes. “Um, not with Ronnie actually.”

Joe pauses a moment, trying to think who else John might possibly have had phone sex with.

“Oh,” Joe says softly. “With...Freddie?”

“Yeah.” John smiles sadly. “With Freddie.”

Joe doesn’t want to pry, and he can already tell that the mention of Freddie is making John upset.

“You okay, John?”

John nods, but he looks a little tearful. “I’m fine. I think I just need some sleep.”

“Probably a good idea,” Joe agrees. “I definitely need to take a shower.”

“Thank you for that, Joe. What we just did. It really was lovely. I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“Yes please.”

John smiles. “Enjoy the rest of your evening and sweet dreams for later.” He blows a kiss at Joe.

“Sweet dreams to you too, John.” Joe leans in to press his lips against his phone screen, smiling when he hears John laugh.

They give each other another quick wave before they end the call, and although Joe’s heart sinks a little when John’s face disappears from the screen, he knows he won’t have to wait long to speak to him again.

*****

Following their first phone sex session, John seems to grow in confidence over the following days and weeks.

They still have their usual phone calls every day to catch up on everything that’s going on in their lives, and they text each other pretty regularly too when they’re too busy for a call, but it all remains pretty innocent. Which is why Joe is surprised to wake up one morning to find that John has initiated a bit of sexting.

 _Had_ _a_ _wank_ _last_ _night_ _thinking_ _about_ _your_ _arse_ _x_

 

Joe actually finds himself blushing, not because it’s the most filthy text he’s ever received (it’s not in the least) but because knowing it came from _John_ makes his heart pound. Ever since their phone sex session he’d been wondering if maybe he’d overstepped a boundary or pushed them too fast, so seeing John actually initiate some dirty talk reassures him that they’re still on the same page. More importantly, it reassures him that John trusts him and feels comfortable doing this with him.

Joe grins as he types out a response.

 _That’s_ _funny_ _cos_ _I_ _jerked_ off _last_ _night_ _thinking_ _about_ _your_ _dick ;)_ _x_

 

The text Joe gets back only a few minutes later makes him nearly drop his phone.

 _You’re_ _so_ _naughty_ , _Joe_. _I’m_ _gonna_ _have_ _to_ _teach_ _you_ _a_ _lesson_ _when_ _I_ _next_ _see_ _you ;)_ _x_

 

Feeling suddenly bold as he gets caught up in this little game of theirs, Joe strips off his clothes and tries to find somewhere in the living room where he can prop up his phone. He manages to find a spot on the mantelpiece, and he taps on the camera app before trying to find the best place to stand so that his whole body is in the shot. Once he’s found a suitable position, Joe sets the camera on timer and tries to strike a sexy pose.

He takes one photo of himself from behind, with him looking over his shoulder at the camera, and another of himself from the front. He’s aware that John is yet to see him completely naked, and he’s a little nervous but also excited as he sends the older man the picture of himself from behind.

Joe smiles as he dresses himself, trying to imagine what John’s reaction will be, before heading to the bathroom to shave and brush his teeth. When he’s finished, he glances at his phone and grins when he sees a text from John.

 _That_ _arse_ _is_ _definitely_ _getting_ _spanked_ _when_ _you’re_ _over_ _here_ _next_ _x_

 

Joe laughs and sends the second photo of himself naked from the front.

He gets an odd thrill from sending photos like this, although it’s been a long time since he’s done it. He’d had an ex who’d once threatened to post all his nude photos of Joe online, which had kind of ruined the fun for him with other boyfriends, but Joe knows John would never do anything like that. 

Joe smiles when a message notification appears on his phone, wondering what John will have to say about his photo. He’s surprised to find not a text, but another photo.

Joe finds the air sucked from his lungs when he opens the picture. His phone screen is immediately filled with the image of a very large, very hard cock. The erection is framed by a pair of strong thighs, balls hanging tight underneath it and a thatch of dark hair surrounding it. Joe doesn’t need to see the owner’s face to know who it belongs to.

He immediately reaches for his belt, tugging his jeans and underwear down to his ankles and frantically grabbing his cock. The photo itself is of course a huge turn-on, but he’s even more aroused by the fact that John trusts him enough to send him this image in the first place. 

*****

They don’t have time to speak on the phone until the following day, as Joe’s sister had made a surprise visit the night before.

“She’s worried about my Mom,” Joe sighs, cradling the phone between his ear and shoulder as he stirs a pot of pasta in front of him. “She’s been really isolated ever since my Dad died.”

“Have you been to see her lately?” John asks.

“Yeah, the three of us take it in turns to go see her. But she used to go out with her friends and do stuff with them all the time. Now she just stays home all day and doesn’t really see anyone apart from me, John and Mary.”

“You need to give her time, Joe. She’s just lost the man she’s known and loved for fifty years. It might be a while before she feels ready to dive back into her usual social calendar.”

Joe sighs. “I know. I just don’t want her to feel so alone. I’m gonna go and stay with her for a few days over the weekend and keep her company.”

“That sounds nice. I’m sure she’ll appreciate that.”

“Yeah, she always perks up when I go over there. I’m sure you’re right and she just needs more time.” Joe searches through his fridge for some cheese. “How has your day been?”

“Really nice actually.” John sounds genuinely cheerful. “Joshua came over with the kids. We took them to the park. It was really lovely.”

Joe smiles at the warmth in the older man’s voice. “That sounds super nice. More exciting than my day.”

“We still have time to make your day exciting,” John chuckles. “Did you like the picture I sent you?”

Joe freezes mid-stir, the image of the photo from yesterday suddenly reappearing in his brain. 

“Or was it too much?” John asks nervously after there’s a pause. “I’m really sorry if I offended you-“

“God, no,” Joe cuts in quickly, smiling. “It definitely didn’t offend me; I started the whole thing after all. It was really hot, John. I was just a little shocked to receive a dick pic from you, if I’m honest. But I really liked what I saw.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. Jerked off as soon as I got it.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the phone. “I’ve been looking at the photos you sent me too. You’re so beautiful, Joe. I think when you’re here next I won’t allow you to wear any clothes. I think you should just be naked all the time.”

Joe grins, arousal starting to pool between his legs. “I’d have no complaints about that.”

John chuckles. “God, I wish I were there with you right now. The things I would do to you.”

“Tell me.”

There’s a pause, and John clears his throat.

“Are you naked?”

The question throws Joe a little. “No.”

“Would you take off your clothes for me? Make yourself comfortable?”

Joe’s never moved faster in his life. He turns the stove off and puts the phone down as he pulls his shirt over his head, unbuckles his belt and pulls off his jeans and underwear. He toes off his socks as he grabs his phone again, before heading into the living room and lying down on the sofa. 

“Okay, I’m naked, John. I’m lying on the sofa in my apartment.”

“Good lad. I’m naked too. And I’m lying on top of you.”

Joe feels himself blush. _Oh_ _yes_. 

Joe sighs and closes his eyes, trying to focus on the game as he takes his cock in his hand. “Your skin feels so good against mine.”

“I’m kissing your neck while I stroke your body. I’m rubbing my cock against yours.”

John doesn’t falter on the word _cock_ this time.

“Feels good to have you on top of me,” Joe sighs, stroking himself faster. “I fingered my ass before you got here. I’m wet and open, ready for you. Want you inside me, John.”

“Impatient thing,” John chuckles breathlessly, clearly also touching himself on the other end of the phone. “But you’re such a good lad, Joe. You definitely deserve my cock.”

“ _Please_ , John.” Joe is stroking himself frantically now, impossibly aroused. “Please fuck my ass.”

“God, yes. I’m pushing into your tight heat. You feel _incredible_.”

Joe wishes he’d kept some lube handy so he could finger himself and pretend it was John. He keeps a dildo in his bedside table which he’s sure could make a good substitute for John’s dick right now.

Joe reaches behind his head to grab the arm of the sofa. “ _John_.”

“I’m fucking you hard,” John says breathlessly. “I’m giving you exactly what you want. Does it feel good?”

“Yeah.” Joe moves himself up and down on the sofa in a steady rhythm, trying to imagine it’s John fucking him so hard that he’s about to pass out, instead of just his own hand on his cock. “Feels _amazing_. I’m so close.”

“Yeah? Are you touching yourself right now, Joe?”

“Yes.”

“Come for me, Joe. Let go, lovely lad, and come for me-“

Joe gasps down the phone as he comes, spilling all over his hand. He’s trembling a little as he comes down from his high, and it takes him a moment to recover from his blinding orgasm.

“Woah,” Joe laughs down the phone. “Just... _woah_.”

John chuckles. “Did you enjoy that?”

“Hell yeah. Did you come?” 

“Yes.” John sounds slightly embarrassed. “When you begged me to fuck your arse.”

Joe giggles. “Amazing. That was so hot, John. Honestly, I’ve had guys say some pretty filthy things to me over the years, but none of that is as sexy as you calling me _lovely_ _lad_.”

“You liked that?” John laughs.

“Oh yeah. And hearing you say it in your accent...god, it does things to me. I’m really lucky to be having phone sex with a British guy.”

“That’s funny, because I was just thinking how wonderfully sexy it was to listen to your gorgeous American accent.”

Joe grins. “I think that’s the first time anyone’s described my accent as sexy.” His face falls a little and his voice softens. “I really miss you. It’s great that we can talk about all this stuff, but I want to actually _do_ it with you.”

“Oh, Joe. You know I feel the same way.”

Joe glances at the calendar on his wall. “How would you feel if I booked a flight for next week?”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. My Mom will be out of town and so will my agent. I have some free time.”

“That sounds lovely. I’m getting rather desperate to kiss you again, lovely lad.”

“Stop it, you randy old man,” Joe laughs. “Listen, it must be like midnight there so I’ll let you get some sleep, but I’ll text you the details once I’ve booked my flight.”

“Sounds wonderful.”

“I’ll speak to you tomorrow. Night, John.”

“Night, Joe.”

Joe smiles to himself as he hangs up and immediately starts searching for flights on his phone.

 _One_ _week_.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe returns to London...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still can’t quite express how overwhelmed I am by the lovely comments and feedback! I’m so glad you’re all enjoying this and would like to thank you for sticking with me :)
> 
> Tumblr: @bohemian-rhapsody-slash

Joe is incredibly restless throughout the entire flight to London.

He can’t remember feeling this ridiculously excited since he’d found out he got the role in BoRhap. The texts and phone calls and video chats that he and John had exchanged over the last few days had only heightened the anticipation. Joe thinks of all the things they’ve said to each other, all the things they’d promised they’d _do_ to each other, and finds himself blushing furiously as he pulls his blanket up to his ears.

The thing is, it’s not even the sex that he’s looking forward to the most (although he is _definitely_ looking forward to that). Joe has missed just being able to _talk_ to John; they’ve talked plenty over the last few weeks but it’s not been the same as being in the same room. Joe wants to be _with_ John, to be near him and see his smile with his own eyes rather than through a screen. He wants to smell John’s scent and feel the warmth of his body; he wants to hear John’s voice without the distortion of a phone speaker.

Joe knows he’s falling, and he’s falling hard. He’s tumbling off a cliff edge with no parachute and strangely enough he finds he doesn’t mind at all.

When his plane lands, Joe sends a quick text to John, who’d offered to come and pick him up from the airport. He can’t keep the grin off his face as he gathers his things and attempts to flatten his hair, which had been completely messed up during the flight. Joe never feels particularly attractive after a long journey on a plane, so he hopes that John won’t mind his stubble and track pants and the fact that his deodorant seems to have stopped working.

Joe can feel the adrenaline coursing through him as he wheels his case through customs, his eyes searching the crowd at the arrivals gate. For a moment he starts to panic, wondering if maybe John has changed his mind and decided that Joe isn’t really worth it; he really is just some dumb American kid who isn’t worth John’s time-

And then Joe sees him.

John is hanging back behind a family holding up a big colourful sign with the words _Welcome_ _home_ _Ashley_ scrawled across it. Joe almost misses him because the older man is wearing a baseball cap, but John smiles when their gazes meet, and the familiar crinkle around his eyes makes Joe feel a little weak in the knees.

Joe meanders his way through the crowd, his grin widening when John opens his arms, and Joe has to stop himself from throwing himself at the older man and wrapping his legs around his waist as if they’re in some cheesy rom-com.

Stepping into those arms is like coming home, and Joe sighs happily as he breathes in John’s scent, nuzzling his cheek against the older man’s.

“Hello, trouble,” John chuckles softly, giving Joe’s waist a gentle squeeze.

“Hi.” Joe presses a kiss to John’s jaw just below his ear. He takes a quick look around, and when he determines they’re not being watched, he presses his lips quickly against the older man’s. 

John flushes, but looks pleased nonetheless. “It’s lovely to finally see you in person again.”

“I’ve missed you,” Joe blurts out. “I know we’ve talked every day but I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too, Joe.” John’s eyes scan his face, and he reaches up to caress the younger man’s cheek. “Let’s get you home so you can get some rest. I’m sure the flight must have been tiring.”

“Yeah,” Joe says happily, pulling John in for another hug. “Let’s go home.”

*****

As soon as they get to John’s house, any thoughts Joe had of freshening up or getting some rest quickly disappear from his head.

John helps him with his bags, and then Joe presses the older man up against the wall of the hallway with a rough kiss. He’s still trying to process the fact that they’re together again; they’re right next to each other, and he wants to make the most of every single moment he can.

“Want you,” Joe says huskily, trailing his lips over John’s jaw. “Want you so badly.”

“Are you sure?” John’s voice is trembling slightly as he grips Joe’s hips. “You must be tired.”

“Not tired anymore,” Joe insists, and it’s the truth. He’s more alert and awake than he’s been in days. “Please, John. I’ve been thinking about this for too long. Need to be with you.”

He can feel John’s erection through his jeans, which implies he’s not the only one who’s been thinking about this.

“Okay,” John agrees enthusiastically. “Yes. _Yeah_. Let’s be together.”

John takes Joe’s hand and kisses the younger man’s knuckles before leading him upstairs. Joe can feel his heartbeat quickening in response to John’s eagerness; it’s good to know that the older man is just as excited about this as Joe is, that John wants him too.

As soon as they reach the bedroom, Joe is pulled into another kiss, and he takes the opportunity to run his hands over John’s chest and shoulders.

Joe pulls his t-shirt over his head, taking a moment to look at his surroundings as John begins undressing as well. John’s bedroom is simple with little decoration- a few photos here and there, but otherwise very plain and modest.

“Come on, trouble,” John says playfully. “Get your trousers off.”

Joe grins and strips himself of the offending clothing until they’re both left standing in their underwear. He licks his lips as he dips his fingers beneath the waistband of John’s boxers, and when he sees a hint of vulnerability in the older man’s eyes he leans forward for another soft kiss. He gently tugs John’s underwear down, and when the older man steps out of them Joe takes in the sight of John naked for the first time.

“I know I probably don’t look much like the pictures you used to fawn over,” John laughs nervously, shifting on his feet self consciously. “Not anymore.”

John’s body certainly shows the signs of his age- his chest hair is grey and he’s carrying a little extra weight around his middle and his thighs, but the sight of him naked still makes Joe painfully hard. Joe has slept with men who have six packs and massive biceps and giant dicks, but he honestly doesn’t think he’s ever been this physically attracted to someone. Not when John is looking so sweetly vulnerable.

“You’re so handsome,” Joe says softly. “You always have been and you still are now. You look amazing, John.”

John looks a little sceptical, so Joe pulls off his own underwear and gestures at his hard cock. “Look what you’re doing to me. I want you _so_ _badly_.”

John smiles with a little more confidence, his own cock quickly hardening at the sight of Joe naked.

“You lovely thing,” John praises, his eyes scanning Joe’s body. “I can’t believe how lucky I am. I’m lucky that you’d even let me _look_ at you like this, let alone _touch_ you.”

“You can touch me.” Joe smiles and presses himself up against John again, his eyelids fluttering as their cocks brush against each other and their naked bodies press against each other for the first time. They kiss and Joe sighs happily when he feels John’s hands cup his ass.

John cups Joe’s jaw with one hand, stroking a thumb over his cheek. “Beautiful. You’re so beautiful, Joe.”

Joe feels himself melt at the praise. “Take me to bed. _Please_ , John.”

John chuckles and kisses him. “Gladly.”

Their lips meet hungrily as John backs Joe up over to the bed, and Joe lets out a laugh when he’s pushed onto the mattress.

John presses a kiss to Joe’s right nipple. “One moment, lovely lad.”

The older man digs around in his nightstand until he fishes out a condom and a bottle of lube.

“Is cherry alright?” John asks nervously. “It was the only kind they had left in Boots.”

“Cherry’s great,” Joe says softly, smiling when he sees it’s a new bottle and realising that John must have bought these supplies recently. A wave of affection rushes over him at the fact that John is so prepared for this moment, and it’s reassuring to know that he wants this as much as Joe does.

There’s a dip in the mattress as John lies down beside Joe, setting the condom and lube to one side.

Joe licks his lips. “Just to let you know, I’m not on birth control at the moment. It used to mess with my mood too much so I came off it a few years ago. Is that okay? Are you cool with just using condoms?”

Joe sort of wishes he’d brought this up earlier, rather than ruining the moment now, but he knows it’s something important that John has a right to know.

John smiles at him warmly. “Of course. I insist on using condoms anyway, so no birth control shouldn’t be a problem. I used to have the same issue when I was on it in the 70s so I don’t blame you.”

They kiss softly, and John’s lips trail down Joe’s neck to his chest. The older man’s tongue circles each of his nipples in turn, causing Joe to arch his back with a moan. The feeling of John’s lips on his skin is so much better than he’d ever imagined, and Joe is afraid he’ll wake up from this incredible dream any moment.

“You can still change your mind,” John says softly. “We can stop any time.”

Joe pulls John close for another kiss, locking his legs around the older man’s waist, moaning when their cocks rub deliciously against one another.

“I want you, John,” Joe says with as much sincerity as he can muster. “So badly. Take me. Make me yours.”

Joe can’t quite believe the words that are coming out of his mouth; he’s not sure who talks like _that_ anymore, but there’s something about being naked in bed with John that makes him want to babble this romantic crap. It makes John beam though, so Joe quickly decides not to hold back when things like that come into his head.

John’s smile is soft, a little tentative. “Just so we’re clear, you want me to, um, be the one...on top?”

“Yes, John,” Joe laughs. “I want you to fuck me.”

John’s eyes turn dark. “ _Fuck_. Okay, right, let’s get you ready. Might be better if you’re on your hands and knees for this part.”

Joe nods and scrambles onto all fours, his heart hammering in his chest because this is _actually_ _happening_.

“Spread your legs a little bit for me, sweetheart.” John strokes Joe’s thighs. “Good lad.”

The combination of _sweetheart_ and _good_ _lad_ makes Joe’s erection twitch.

He takes a deep breath as he feels John’s finger circle his entrance gently, almost tentatively.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve done this. Tell me if anything hurts or feels strange,” John says gently. “Promise me, Joe.”

“I promise. I trust you, John.”

The sound of the bottle cap of the lube clicking open makes Joe shiver a little, and he’s glad to hear John warming the lube between his fingers.

“Is it too cold?” John asks, rubbing his fingers against Joe’s entrance.

“No,” Joe sighs happily. “That’s great.”

There’s a slight burn as John works one slick finger inside Joe, slowly and gently. It’s incredibly intimate and Joe suddenly thinks of all those videos he’d watched of John playing bass, his fingers darting expertly across the strings. It’s incredible to think that one of those fingers is actually inside him now. 

“Lift your bum up for me a bit,” John instructs as he works another finger in. “That’s it, good lad.”

The new angle allows John to hit Joe’s sweet spot, and Joe finds himself crying out in pleasure.

“Good?” John chuckles.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Joe moans. “Amazing.”

John takes the opportunity to add a third finger, twisting slightly inside the younger man. The stretch feels wonderful, and Joe feels pleasure wash over him as John spends a few minutes fingering him open.

“You’ve got such a lovely arse, Joe. Can’t wait to be inside you.”

“Please, John,” Joe finds himself whining. “I’m ready. Want it now.”

“ _Yeah_.” John kisses the back of Joe’s neck and works down his spine until he reaches the top of Joe’s buttocks. “On your back for me, sweetheart; let’s get you comfortable.”

Joe sighs as he feels John withdraw his fingers, and turns over to lie on his back. His heart flutters when John grabs a pillow and places his hand beneath the small of Joe’s back to lift his hips and place the pillow beneath him. Joe reaches out to stroke John’s cock as the older man fumbles with the condom packet, smiling when John moans. Once John rolls the condom on over himself, Joe helps him rub some lube over his erection, and then John is settling himself between Joe’s spread legs.

“Still ok?” John asks gently.

“Yes,” Joe says with a smile, stroking John’s face. “Never wanted anything more.”

They kiss gently, and make eye contact before John takes hold of his erection and pushes against Joe’s hole. It’s a little clumsy at first, and they laugh as it takes a few attempts for John to enter Joe, but once he manages to push inside, Joe closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. It’s amazing to finally feel John stretching him as he pushes forward, and he clenches his thighs around John’s waist.

“Alright?” John asks shakily. “Talk to me, Joe.”

“I’m great,” Joe says breathlessly. “It’s just...been a while for me. Just need a minute.”

John holds still, peppering kisses over Joe’s face while the younger man adjusts to John’s cock. Joe takes a few more deep breaths as he tries to relax, wrapping his arms around his lover’s neck and kissing him again.

They kiss softly for a few moments, smiling at each other.

“I’m ready,” Joe says firmly. “Please, John.”

John nods and pulls out slowly, gently, until just the tip of his cock is inside Joe, and then he pushes back in.

“ _John_ ,” Joe moans when the older man’s cock nudges at his prostate.

John buries his face in Joe’s neck. “You’re so hot, Joe. So _tight_. You feel incredible.”

“Move, John. _Please_.”

Joe is a little embarrassed at the fact that he’s been reduced to begging, but John seems just as desperate as he starts to thrust gently, lifting one of the younger man’s legs to get a better angle.

Joe digs his nails into John’s back as the older man increases the pace, moaning as his sweet spot is hit again and again.

“Not gonna last long,” John says breathlessly, looking a little apologetic. “I’m close.”

“Me too,” Joe gasps. “Fuck me, John.”

John growls, and starts driving into Joe at a punishing pace. Joe spreads his legs wider, smiling when John takes hold of his hand and intertwines their fingers together. The feeling of John fucking him into the mattress is making his toes curl with pleasure, and the intimacy of it all makes Joe feel a sense of euphoria that he’s never experienced before.

It isn’t long before John cries out as he comes, collapsing against Joe. The older man’s chest is heaving as he mouths at Joe’s neck, whispering apologies for coming so soon.

“It’s ok,” Joe says soothingly, stroking John’s hair. “That was fucking amazing.”

When John’s taken a minute to recover, he takes hold of Joe’s cock and strokes firmly, grinning when Joe whimpers and clutches at the sheets.

“Well done, Joe,” John pants. “Almost there now, lovely lad. Come on, come for me.”

Joe is coming as soon as he hears the words _lovely_ _lad_.

His orgasm is almost blinding, and Joe is pretty sure he blurts out something that is a combination of _oh_ _god_ and _John_.

They hold each other for a moment, before John pulls out gently and kisses Joe’s forehead. 

Joe can’t remember the last time someone kissed his forehead.

“Are you ok?” John asks softly, his eyes shining.

Joe nods and blinks back tears, the happiness almost overwhelming him. “That was amazing, John. Incredible.”

“It was, wasn’t it? Let me get you cleaned up, sweetheart. Do you need anything else? Are you sore?”

“I’m fine, John. Thanks.”

John busies himself with throwing the condom away before disappearing to fetch a cloth.

Joe sighs happily and turns his head to inhale John’s scent on the pillow. This has _definitely_ been worth the wait.

John returns a few minutes later with a glass of water, which he places by Joe’s side of the bed, and a damp cloth. Joe shivers a little, feeling a bit exposed now that the haze of arousal is gone and he’s covered in his own cum.

“Tired?” John chuckles as he gently cleans Joe’s softening cock, and then dips between his ass cheeks to clear away the lube. 

“You’ve worn me out,” Joe laughs. “I’m completely fucked out.”

John smiles as he pulls back the covers and ushers Joe beneath them, before climbing into bed with the younger man and pulling Joe close to his chest. 

Joe sighs in John’s arms, happy to finally be where he belongs.

*****

When Joe wakes up the next morning, he temporarily forgets where he is.

He blinks his eyes open, and smiles when he sees John already sitting up in bed, reading a book. The older man has thrown on a t-shirt and a pair of underwear, and Joe shivers a little when he realises he’s still naked. 

“Morning,” Joe says, his voice hoarse from sleep.

John grins and pulls off his glasses, setting them aside with his book. “Morning, trouble.” He leans down to give Joe a gentle kiss. “How did you sleep?”

“Really good.” Joe stretches and yawns. “I was exhausted after all the fun we had last night.”

John smiles, but there’s a sadness in his eyes. It makes Joe’s heart sink a little.

“Are you ok?” Joe asks, sitting up to stroke John’s jaw. “Is something wrong?”

John hesitates. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

“John. Please. Tell me.”

John sighs and rubs Joe’s bare hip. “Are you happy, Joe? I mean...you don’t regret last night?”

Joe frowns. “Of course not! I’m so happy right now. Happier than I’ve been in a long time.”

John bites his lip. “It’s just...I can’t help but think that a lovely lad like you wouldn’t be sleeping with me if I weren’t a rockstar.”

Joe’s eyes soften, his heart breaking a little. “And I can’t help but think that a legend like you wouldn’t be sleeping with me if I didn’t play you in a film.”

John’s eyes widen.

“Listen,” Joe says softly. “We’ve talked about this before. I’ve told you how I feel about you. You make me feel better about everything. Sometimes I forget you’re a rock star, you know. You’re just this incredible kind man who makes me smile every single day and I just want to be with you, and-“

John silences him with a kiss.

“I’ve been so sad for such a long time,” John says quietly. “And now my life is so much brighter with you in it. I’m just worried that you’ll wake up one day and realise you’re sleeping next to an old broken man and you’ll realise it’s just not worth it.”

“Shut up,” Joe says, straddling John. “Shut up and kiss me.”

Somehow John loses his clothes and they end up making love again (and Joe tries to ignore the fact that he thinks of it as _making_ _love_ ), with Joe riding the older man slowly and gently. Joe sighs happily as John’s hands skim over his hips and ass and thighs and cock.

By the time they’re finished, Joe feels thoroughly dirty, and can’t help but smile when John suggests they shower together.

Joe loves the intimacy of being wet and naked with John, and kissing beneath the warm spray soon makes Joe hard again. John gives him a rather incredible slippery handjob, and Joe returns the favour by getting on his knees and sucking the older man off.

John makes them both eggs for breakfast, and Joe spends the day lounging around in a hoodie and his boxer briefs. They don’t leave the house; Joe is still pretty tired from his flight yesterday so they watch crap TV and have a catch up. Joe can’t help but smile when John wraps an arm around him and pulls him close. The younger man is only too happy to cuddle up to John on the sofa, and he loves the domesticity of it all.

That evening, Joe sits on the kitchen counter with a glass of wine as John makes them dinner, occasionally stopping to give Joe a quick kiss or to squeeze his thigh.

“So is there anything in particular you want to do while you’re here?” John asks while they eat together.

Joe pauses, twirling some pasta around his fork. “You know, I never really got to do any of the normal touristy stuff in London while I was here for BoRhap. Never had the time.”

“You want me to be your guide?” John chuckles.

“Absolutely. And then at night you can fuck me into the mattress. Win win.”

They talk about their plans for the next few days, and Joe makes a mental note to text Gwil and Ben.

By the time they make it to bed, Joe has the biggest smile on his face as John peels his underwear down his thighs, lips trailing between his legs.

*****

Joe’s time in London seems to pass by in a blur.

John pretends to be reluctant about taking Joe to all the big tourist attractions, but Joe can tell the older man secretly enjoys it.

He can see the sparkle in John’s eyes in response to Joe’s excitement and enthusiasm about finally getting to ride the London Eye, and visit the Tower of London, and wander around the National Gallery. John pretends to be reluctant about posing for selfies with Joe, but when Joe looks back at the photos later his heart melts a little at the warmth of John’s smile in each picture.

They spend most nights at John’s house, but after a disastrous evening of Joe attempting to cook for them both and nearly burning down the kitchen, John gently suggests that they go out to eat. John ends up taking Joe to a very fancy restaurant, and it actually feels like a _real_ _date_. They dress up and eat ridiculously expensive food (which John insists on paying for even after Joe protests) and drink a lot of wine, and as they leave the restaurant John slips his hand into Joe’s, squeezing gently.

Joe is giddy with happiness as they walk down the street hand in hand like a real couple, and when John hails a taxi Joe can’t resist kissing the older man on the lips. It’s absolute bliss, and they end up fucking in the living room as soon as they get home when they can’t quite make it to the bedroom.

On Joe’s penultimate night, he meets up with Gwil and Ben for dinner at a local restaurant while John visits his daughter.

“So what brings you back to London?” Gwil asks. “You were a little vague in your text.”

Joe smiles when he sees Gwil wrap an arm around Ben’s shoulders. It’s the first time their affection hasn’t sent a bolt of jealousy through him.

“Well,” Joe grins, “I’m...kinda seeing someone actually.”

“Someone _here_?” Ben asks with a mouthful of mashed potato. “A long distance romance?”

“I guess you could say that.”

“Who is it?” Ben presses. “Someone we know?”

“You won’t believe me when I tell you.” Joe bites his lip. He’s a little nervous, but he’s also been desperate to have someone else to talk to about this.

“Try us.”

Joe smiles into his drink. “John Deacon.”

There’s a pause.

Ben drops his fork.

“ _John_ _Deacon_?” Gwil echoes. “As in, John Deacon of Queen?”

“Yep.” Joe grins. It feels good to finally say it out loud. 

“Bullshit,” Ben frowns. “You’ve met him once.”

Joe shrugs. “After he came to the set we met up a few more times so he could help me get in character. When my dad died he was there to comfort me and then one thing led to another...”

Ben scoffs. “This is one of your weird jokes, isn’t it? Where you try to convince us you’re dating a man in his sixties and then laugh when we all fall for it.”

Joe pulls up a photo on his phone- a selfie he’d taken of him and John standing in front of the Tower of London.

“Fuck.” Ben’s mouth hangs open. “Fuck.”

He takes hold of Joe’s phone to study the picture, flicking through a few more of the photos that Joe has taken over the last few days.

“Holy shit,” Gwil says. “Wow....um. I can’t say this isn’t a little weird, but...congratulations, I guess.”

“Wait,” Ben says. “What the fuck is this?”

Ben turns the phone to face Joe, and Joe’s heart stops when he sees the photo that Ben has flicked to.

“That’s a dick pic,” Gwil offers.

Joe snatches the phone back, blushing.

“John Deacon is sending you dick pics?” Ben asks, amazed. He smacks Gwil’s thigh. “Why don’t _you_ ever send _me_ dick pics?”

Gwil rolls his eyes. “You can see my dick anytime you want.”

“Jesus,” Ben says, eyes wide. “So what, you and Deacon are like fuck buddies?”

Joe smiles. “I think we’re more than fuck buddies.”

Gwil and Ben listen attentively as Joe tells them all about the night he and John shared their first kiss, and their phone calls while he’d been in New York, and all the things they’d got up to over the last few days.

“You love him,” Ben says softly.

Joe blushes but doesn’t try to deny it. It’s something he’s been trying to ignore, but hearing Ben say it out loud only seems to make him realise how true it is.

“You _love_ him,” Ben says again, more firmly.

Joe gives a small smile. “I know it’s insane. I know he’s nearly twice my age. I know he’s a grandfather. I know he lives on another continent. But I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

Gwil and Ben grin at each other.

“What?” Joe laughs.

“It’s just nice to see you happy,” Gwil says. “It’s been a while since we’ve seen you like this.”

They spend the rest of the evening laughing and joking and talking about Gwil and Ben’s upcoming trip to France, and Joe feels ecstatic when they suggest he brings John next time they all meet up.

Their acceptance is something he didn’t realise would mean so much to him.

When he gets back to John’s house that night, Joe immediately pulls the older man into a kiss, giddy with happiness.

“Did you have a good night with the boys?” John chuckles.

“The best,” Joe grins, straddling the older man and reaching for his belt.

*****

The day of Joe’s departure seems to come round heartbreakingly fast. 

It doesn’t seem that long since the last time John was driving Joe to the airport, and this time Joe feels just as disheartened.

“We’ll see each other again soon,” John promises as he kisses Joe goodbye before he passes through security. “Perhaps I can come and visit you in New York?”

“Yeah,” Joe says, trying to keep his voice from breaking. The fact they’d had such an amazing time together just makes leaving all the more difficult.

He can tell from John’s face that the older man isn’t finding this any easier, and Joe decides he doesn’t want to drag out their goodbyes any more because it will just make the whole thing even more horrible.

They share a final farewell kiss, and Joe promises to call John when he lands.

Joe’s flight ends up being delayed nearly four hours, and once they’re in the air they hit some turbulence which makes Joe feel really shitty and keeps him from sleeping.

When he finally gets back to his apartment six hours later than expected, Joe collapses into bed after sending a quick text to John, promising to call him in the morning. He dreams of a soft smile and ugly sweaters and a warm voice calling him _lovely_ _lad_.

When he wakes up nearly twelve hours later, Joe picks up his phone to give John a call, and notices he has a text from Ben.

 _Saw_ _this_ _in_ _one_ _of_ _the_ _British_ _tabloids_ _today_ \- _you_ _might_ _want_ _to_ _give_ _John_ _a_ _call_   :(

 

There’s a link beneath Ben’s message and Joe clicks on it, confused.

The link takes him to a news story on the _Daily_ _Mail_ website, and his heart stops when he sees the headline.

 _Millionaire_ _Queen_ _bassist_ _wines_ _and_ _dines_ _34_ _year_ _old_ _toy_ _boy_

Joe feels the breath escape from his lungs when he sees two photos beneath the headline. One is of him and John walking along the street holding hands, happily absorbed in conversation. The other is of John and Joe sharing a kiss, the older man’s arm wrapped around Joe’s waist. These photos were clearly taken on the night John took Joe out to dinner.

Joe can feel his heart sink as he starts reading the story.

_Retired Queen bassist John Deacon has been spotted lavishing his 34 year old lover, Joe Mazzello, with fine food at a high end restaurant in Kensington. The 66 year old grandfather is understood to have been spending time with the young American actor since meeting him on the set of Bohemian Rhapsody, the Queen biopic in which Mazzello portrays Deacon. Sources say that Deacon, reportedly worth £105 million, has spent thousands of pounds flying Mazzello between New York and London and lavishing him with expensive gifts._

_Mazzello is best known for his starring role in Jurassic Park as a child, and is understood to have caught Deacon’s eye after meeting the millionaire during production for Bohemian Rhapsody._

Joe blinks back the tears, his phone shaking in his hand.

 _Shit_. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Joe deal with the fallout of their relationship becoming public...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a bit carried away with this chapter. Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Tumblr @bohemian-rhapsody-slash

Joe tries to phone John six times before giving up.

He can already feel the panic growing in his chest as he re-reads the Daily Mail article. He knows how fiercely private John is, and Joe can only imagine what his reaction would have been to seeing this. He can’t help but wonder if maybe John has finally realised that any kind of relationship with Joe is going to destroy the privacy he’s fought so hard for. Maybe John wants to distance himself from Joe, and that thought makes Joe’s heart _ache_ , because he simply can’t imagine his life without John in it anymore. 

He tries to ring John again with no success, so instead he scrolls through his contacts until he finds Ben’s name.

Ben picks up after two rings.

“Joe?”

“Hey, Ben.” Joe can hear how croaky and shaky his voice is, but Ben is one of the few people who he trusts enough to be vulnerable with.

“Hey, buddy.” Ben’s voice is soft, comforting. “You ok, mate?”

“No,” Joe says honestly, his vision going blurry.

“Is it the article?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry, mate. I wish I hadn’t read it. Have you spoken to John?”

Joe lets out a little sob as the tears finally start sliding down his cheeks.

“ _Hey_ ,” Ben says in an impossibly gentle tone. “Hey, it’s alright. You’re ok, Joe. What did he say?”

“I don’t know,” Joe sobs. “I haven’t been able to get hold of him. He must hate me, Ben. You know what a private person he is. And now after just a couple of months with me his face is all over the fucking tabloids and they’re making him sound like he’s some perverted sugar daddy-“

“Joe,” Ben interrupts. “This isn’t your fault and you know it. _John_ knows it. He’s not going to blame you for this and he’s certainly not going to hate you.”

“But what if he _does_ -“

“Then I’ll kick his arse.” Ben’s voice is so matter of fact that it almost makes Joe smile. “I will literally kick John Deacon’s arse if he turns out to be a fucking twat towards you.”

Joe lets out a strained laugh. “I’m sure the Daily Mail would have a field day with that.”

“Look, you and I both know that John is probably just busy putting out fires at the moment. I mean think about it. His family and everyone he cares about are probably gonna have a lot of questions for him right now.”

Joe bites his lip. “Yeah. Maybe. I’d just feel so much better if I could speak to him.”

“Listen, I’ll get Gwil to phone Brian. I know him and John don’t talk as often as they used to, but maybe a kick up the bum from Brian will get your man moving.”

Joe does smile at that, and wipes away a few tears. “Yeah, ok. Thanks, Ben.”

“Alright, let me go and take care of that. I’ll be right by my phone though so you call me if you need to, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Joe swallows. “Thank you.”

“No problem, mate. Take care of yourself and I’ll call you in a little bit.”

Joe sighs as he ends the call. His conversation with Ben has been a little reassuring, especially since his friend seems to be thinking more rationally than he is. Of course John is probably busy trying to frantically explain his situation to his family. In his heart, Joe knows that Ben must be right, but the irrational part of his brain is still telling him that John hates him and never wants to see him again.

Joe glances at his phone and notices that he has several text messages and three missed calls. His pulse quickens as he checks who they’re from, but his heart sinks when he sees that none of them are from John. 

Two of the missed calls are from his mom, and one is from his agent. He has texts from his brother, his sister, Rami, and a couple of other friends.

He decides he should probably try and get this over with, so he deals with the texts first. He’s relieved to see that they’re all along the lines of _hope_ _you’re_ _ok_ and _let_ _me_ _know_ _if_ _you_ _need_ _anything_ , rather than _what_ _the_ _fuck_ _are_ _you_ _doing_ _banging_ _a_ _66_ _year_ _old_. Joe sends back a standard response to them all, telling them he’s fine and he’ll give them a call when he’s able to.

He phones his mom, who likewise seems more concerned for him than disappointed, although she certainly sounds shocked. They end up talking for over an hour as Joe tells her all about John and this long distance thing they have going on, and her barrage of questions seem to be asked out of curiosity rather than anything else.

“I’ve never heard you talk this way about any of your other boyfriends,” she says softly.

Joe smiles. “I think I love him, mom.”

“Oh, _honey_. Listen, I know you’re probably expecting a lecture from me on whether he’s too old for you or whether he’s the best thing for you. But the truth is, if you're happy...then I’m happy. Your father would want you to be happy too.”

Joe has always known he has the best mother in the world. 

His agent is a little less understanding.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Brad barks down the phone. “John fucking Deacon? The man is a _grandfather_ , Joe. Jesus Christ, do you have any idea what this means for your fucking career? People are gonna say that you only got the BoRhap role because you were fucking Deacon. No one in Hollywood is gonna want anything to do with you-“

Joe hangs up and makes a mental note to find a new agent.

He pulls on a hoodie and settles himself on the couch under a blanket. He ends up flicking through the photos he has on his phone of him and John together in London, and once again his brain jumps to the conclusion that this is all over now. The best relationship of his life is over and he’ll never have this again. He’s not sure how long he spends sitting there moping, but he ends up dozing off when his brain can no longer process the possibility that John won’t want to see him anymore.

Joe is jolted awake twenty minutes later when the phone starts ringing, and when he blinks at the screen he can see an incoming video chat request. His eyes widen when he sees John’s name on the screen.

He takes a deep breath and answers the call.

Joe’s heart jumps when John’s face appears. The older man looks tired, as if he hasn’t had much sleep, but there’s a soft smile on his face.

“Hello, trouble.”

Joe sits up. “John, hey. How are you?”

John sighs. “I’ve been better. Sorry I missed your calls. I’ve been on the phone all day with...various people.”

Joe bites his lip. “Is this about the Daily Mail article?”

John smiles sadly. “You’ve seen it then?”

“Ben sent it to me. I’m so sorry, John. I can imagine how you must be feeling right now. I’m so fucking sorry-“

“Joe,” John interrupts. “Don’t apologise, sweetheart. It’s not your fault. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I’m the one who should apologise.”

Joe frowns. “It wasn’t your fault either.”

“Well, no. But it breaks my heart to read all that crap they wrote about you. If I were thirty years younger...oh god. They make you sound like some kind of gold-digging _whore_ , Joe. I just...I can’t imagine what this is going to do to your career.”

Joe’s chest fills with warmth at the thought that John’s primary concern is Joe, rather than his own privacy.

“I’ve already had that lecture from my agent,” Joe laughs bitterly. “And the truth is I really don’t give a shit. Like you said, this was gonna happen sooner or later. Maybe it’s better that it happened sooner.”

Something that looks a little like fear flashes over John’s face. “Are you having...doubts?”

“No,” Joe says immediately. “God, no. That’s not what I meant. I’m so happy with you, John. And I don’t want something as stupid as this to get in the way of this amazing thing we have. I want to be with you, no matter what people say about us.”

John smiles warmly. “I want to be with you too, Joe. We both knew going into this that we might have to make some sacrifices. Your career, our reputations, our privacy...I just want to make sure that you still want this. I’m willing to let the press talk rubbish about me and photograph me on the streets if it means I get to be with you. But I don’t want to have to ask you to do the same thing when you have so much more to lose-“

“I want to, John. I’m willing to make those sacrifices too. I was willing when we started this and I’m even more willing now.” 

The relief that John actually still wants him has Joe wondering how he could have ever doubted the older man’s feelings.

John is really smiling now. “What on earth did I do to deserve you?”

Joe laughs. “I can think of some things you can do to _keep_ deserving me. On a serious note though...how have people taken it?”

John’s smile falters. “Well, there have been... _mixed_ reactions. Ronnie was the first to call me. She’s been...amazing. I was in a bit of a state when I first read that article and she helped calm me down. When I told her about you and everything that had happened, she was incredibly supportive. She wants to meet you actually. She wants you and I to have dinner with her and her wife sometime.”

Joe smiles. “She sounds awesome. I’d love to meet her. What about your kids? Have you spoken to any of them?”

John’s smile fades completely. “Yeah. Some of them. I haven’t heard from Michael or Laura, so Ronnie said she’d talk to them. Joshua seemed...ok. He asked if I was alright and offered me his support, but he didn’t seem terribly warm about the idea of me seeing someone so much younger. Luke and Cameron came to visit me together this morning. I think they were a little confused at first, but once we’d had a chat they seemed broadly supportive. Cameron said he was happy for me, so I suppose that’s something.” 

Joe nods. “What about Robert?”

John sighs. “Robert was...not pleased. I had a very long phone call with him. He said a man of my age should know better. He kept reminding me that he’s eight years older than you, and he asked me to think about the consequences my actions will have on the family. He said I must know that what I’m doing is damaging to everyone involved because I kept it a secret.” John looks utterly miserable. “He’s very upset with me.” 

“Oh, John.” Joe touches the screen with his fingers lightly, wishing he could hold the older man. “You know how much he loves you. He’s just looking out for you. This wasn’t the ideal way for anyone to find out, so he’s quite rightly very emotional right now. I’m sure he’ll come around in time, especially if Ronnie and some of his siblings are on board.”

John shrugs. “I hope so. It might have been different if he could have found out from me...I don’t know. What about your family? How have they reacted?”

“Honestly, they’ve been pretty cool about it. I think they’re all a bit shocked, because you’re not the kind of guy I usually go for. They were all supportive though. Especially my mom. She said she’s happy that I’m happy.”

John smiles. “That’s great. I think this has probably gone about as well as we could have hoped, considering our big relationship reveal was via the Daily Mail.” 

Joe smiles when John says the word _relationship_. It’s reassuring to have confirmation that the older man is thinking about the two of them in the same terms as Joe. 

“I just wish I was with you,” Joe sighs. “I know we’ve only just said goodbye, but right now I could really use a Deacon cuddle.”

John laughs. “I wish I was with you too. Listen...maybe I could come to New York? I need a few days to sort things out here, but I could get over there later this week maybe?”

Joe sits up, excited. “Really? You mean that? You’d want to come to New York?”

John grins. “We’ve only met up in London so far. It doesn’t seem fair that you always have to fly to me. I haven’t been to New York in years and I think it would be good to get away from London for a bit.” 

“That would be amazing.” Joe can’t keep the excitement from his voice. “I’d love that so much.” 

“I’ll look into getting a flight booked and let you know the plan once I’ve finished sorting things out with my family here.”

“Awesome. I can’t wait.”

“Me neither. Ronnie asked me to call her back so I’ve gotta go, but I’ll speak to you later.”

“Yeah. Speak to you later.”

“Oh and Joe?”

“Yeah?”

“Tell Gwil and Ben they can call off Brian. I got quite an earful from him this morning and I think he’s just about ready to strangle me if he thinks I still haven’t spoken to you.”

******

For the next few days, Joe decides to lay low for a bit. 

When he checks his social media accounts, he’s bombarded with messages and comments and tweets about the Daily Mail article. He tries to stop himself from reading them, but finds he can’t help himself. 

It’s reassuring to see the number of messages of support. There are a lot of people commenting on what a sweet couple him and John make, and how they both look really happy. There are also people asking him to confirm that he’s in a relationship with John. And then there are the less pleasant comments. The ones calling him _gold_ _digger_ and John _pervert_.

Joe decides it’s probably best not to add fuel to fire, and logs out of all his accounts. He doesn’t delete them, but it will probably be a while before he uses them again.

His spirits are most definitely lifted when John arrives in town later that week, knocking tentatively on Joe’s apartment door and looking rather exhausted when Joe’s eyes scan over him.

“Flight was delayed,” John says in explanation after they kiss. “Four hours.”

“You should have text me when you landed,” Joe says with a playful shove. “I would’ve come to meet you at the airport.”

“Didn’t want to bother you,” John yawns as he drags his suitcase in.

Joe had planned to pounce on his lover the minute he walked through the door, but John looks so tired that Joe knows they probably won’t be able to get up to anything naughty until the older man has had some rest.

“Tea?” Joe offers instead, leading John into the living room.

“You have tea?” John laughs.

“I bought some tea bags,” Joe says proudly. “And a kettle. Especially for you.” 

“Look at you, being all sophisticated.” John kisses the tip of Joe’s nose. “Tea would be lovely, thank you.”

Joe busies himself making tea, a little bounce in his step now that he’s been reunited with John. When he returns to the living room, John is examining some of the family photos Joe has up in the corner. 

“Your Dad?” John asks, gesturing to one of the photos. It’s one from a road trip they’d taken about ten years ago.

“Yeah,” Joe says with a soft smile. “That was taken in California.”

John nods and looks around the rest of the room. “You have a lovely home.”

“Thanks,” Joe laughs. “It can get a bit lonely here sometimes, but it’s nice to have my own space.”

They settle down for a cuddle, and Joe sighs happily when John wraps an arm around him. They spend a while catching up on the last few days as they drink their tea, and Joe feels that familiar sense of belonging once again.

“Has Robert spoken to you at all?” Joe asks gently, tracing patterns on John’s chest.

“No,” John says softly. “Ronnie says she’s spoken to him but he hasn’t been in touch.”

“He’ll come around.” Joe squeezes John’s thigh.

“I hope so.” John kisses Joe’s hair. “I’m so glad I’m here with you. I’ve been trying to dodge the bloody paparazzi all week in London. Have you had any trouble here?” 

“Not from the media.” Joe shifts a little. “There have been some random photos of me appearing on various websites which members of the public have taken. So I’ve mostly just stayed home.” 

“Oh sweetheart.” John presses a kiss to Joe’s lips. “Hopefully people will get bored with us soon.”

They talk a while longer about various mundane things as they cuddle sleepily, and by eight thirty John looks as if he’s ready to pass out. 

Joe pulls John up and ushers him to the bedroom. He helps the older man undress, but there’s nothing sexual about his touches. He just wants John to be comfortable. 

They curl up in Joe’s bed together, and Joe sighs happily as he rests his head on the older man’s chest and the stress from the last few days seeps out of him.

*****

When he yawns himself awake the next morning, Joe smiles lazily when he catches sight of John already awake and reading a book.

“Morning,” Joe says, his voice thick with sleep.

“Morning, trouble.” John sets his book aside and leans down to give Joe a kiss. “My body clock is a bit all over the place so I’ve been awake for two hours.” 

Joe grins when he feels something hard press against his thigh. “Looks like other parts of you have been awake a while too.”

“Mm.” John’s voice is deep and throaty as he kisses Joe’s neck. “I didn’t want to wake you, but this is something I’ve been looking forward to for a while.”

“Mr Deacon,” Joe murmurs appreciatively as John cups his hardening dick. “In the time we’ve been apart I’ve almost forgotten what a nice cock you have.”

“Yeah?” John nibbles Joe’s ear, slipping his hand into Joe’s shorts. “And what would you like me to do with it?” 

Joe moans. “Want you to fuck me with it. Right now please.”

“As you wish,” John says with a grin.

Joe ends up on his hands and knees with John drilling into him relentlessly from behind, and it’s the good hard fuck that Joe has so desperately been in need of for the last few days.

It seems that John has needed to release some tension too, because he’s gripping Joe’s hips hard enough to leave marks, and Joe finds himself being almost pushed further up the bed with the power of John’s thrusts. It’s certainly the roughest sex they’ve had to date, but Joe loves the burn of John’s thick cock inside him, hitting his sweet spot over and over again. 

“Fucking tight little arse,” John gasps hungrily, smacking Joe’s ass firmly. “Love how well you take my cock, Joe. You were made for this.” 

Joe can only moan happily as John fucks himself to orgasm, and he’s about to change position when he feels John’s hand on his ass.

“Don’t move,” John says breathlessly, still recovering from his orgasm. “Stay on all fours for me, love.”

Joe’s heart stops a little in response to the word _love_ , but he knows it’s just an affectionate nickname that escaped John’s lips in the heat of the moment.

Joe shivers a little and his dick twitches in response to John’s commanding tone and the anticipation of what might be about to happen. His breath hitches when he feels John’s large hands part his ass cheeks, and then John’s tongue is licking between his cheeks and _in_ -

Joe lets out a scream, gripping the sheets as he feels John lick into him, teasing his entrance in the best way imaginable. The noises John is making are absolutely obscene- loud licks and slurps and moans of appreciation.

“John,” Joe sobs with pleasure. “ _Fuck_. This is- _oh_ \- amazing. Love the way you eat my ass. Yes yes yes-“

John has to hold Joe up by the backs of his thighs so he doesn’t collapse, and as he finds himself nearing the edge, Joe grabs hold of his dick and jacks himself off furiously until he finally comes all over the bedsheets.

He rolls onto his side and laughs breathlessly when John makes an annoyed noise when he lays on the wet patch. 

“Welcome to New York,” Joe says with a grin. 

John kisses him roughly. “And what a welcome it was.”

They have a lazy shower together, feeling each other up beneath the warm spray and wringing another orgasm out of each other as they exchange slippery handjobs.

Once they’re dressed, John insists on making Joe breakfast, but frowns as he hunts through the fridge.

“Joe, where’s all your food?” John asks disapprovingly. “You have a jar of expired mayonnaise, half a lump of cheese, no milk-“ 

“Thanks, _mom_ ,” Joe retorts playfully, rolling his eyes. “I don’t go grocery shopping that often. You’re the first visitor I’ve had in a while.”

“We need to go shopping then,” John says firmly. “You need to be eating proper food.”

They head to the store down the street later that morning, and there’s something so incredibly domestic about going grocery shopping with John that Joe finds himself grinning like an idiot. He can’t quite believe how excited he’s getting over standing in a grocery store watching John look at loaves of bread.

At first this had seemed like a perfectly normal thing to do, and now that they’re here, Joe can’t help but think that this is actually quite a significant step in their relationship. They’re _grocery_ _shopping_. Together. Joe can’t remember the last time he went grocery shopping with someone. 

He feels so ridiculously giddy with happiness in that moment, that he doesn’t notice a man approach him from the other side of the aisle.

“Well well. If it isn’t Joe Mazzello.”

Joe freezes at the sound of that voice, his heart stopping.

 _Shit_.

Sure enough, he turns to find a face he’d hoped he’d never see again. Dark hair frames blue eyes and a handsome face, and although the man is only an inch or two taller than Joe, his thick build and broad shoulders make Joe feel tiny.

“Alex.” Joe swallows, trying to keep the tremble from his voice. “Um...hey.”

John looks up from the loaf of bread he’s holding, frowning when he notices Joe’s unease. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude,” Alex says with a smile. “I just saw you and thought I’d come say hi.” 

“Oh.” Joe clenches his fists by his side, trying desperately to fight his urge to run. “Right. Hi.”

Alex’s eyes shift from Joe to John, who is watching this exchange with interest, and he seems to tense a little.

“Hello,” Alex says, flashing one of his charming smiles. “You must be Joe’s father?”

Joe breathes a silent sigh of relief that Alex doesn’t seem to recognise John and doesn’t seem to have seen the Daily Mail article, but his heart sinks at the mention of his Dad and the anticipation of Alex’s reaction when he discovers their true relationship. 

“No,” Joe says quickly. “He’s not...my dad passed away actually, um, a few months ago.” 

Alex’s eyes soften a little. “Oh. Shit. I’m sorry to hear that, Joe. Really, I am. I never met him but I know how much you loved him and he sounded like an amazing man.”

“He was.” Joe tries to blink back tears, praying that Alex will take this as a cue to leave. 

But Alex’s eyes fix back on John again. “So if you’re not Joe’s father, you must be...?”

He trails off, and John glances at Joe, clearly unsure if he should disclose the true nature of their relationship. But Joe finds himself feeling so overwhelmed and vulnerable in that moment that he takes a step towards the older man, and links their hands together. 

Alex frowns, staring at their joined hands. 

Joe can feel John shift forward a little, as if he’s trying to subtly stand in front of Joe.

“Seriously?” Alex laughs, a tinge of cruelty in his voice. “ _This_ guy? Wow, Joe. I mean, I knew you were really struggling with our break up, but I can’t quite believe your self esteem has sunk so low that you’re willing to let an old man fuck you-“

John takes a step forward, and places a firm hand on Alex’s chest. “I think you should go.” His voice is cold and commanding.

Alex holds up his hands defensively. “Whatever. Listen man, I know you’re like _ancient_ , but even _you_ could do better. Trust me, I know. This little bitch will end up accusing you of things you didn’t fucking do, and being so fucking needy you’ll wish you were doing some of the shit he accuses you of just so he can leave you the fuck alone. Not to mention he gives the worst fucking blowjobs so the sex isn’t even worth sticking around for-“

One minute, Joe can’t breathe, and the next Alex is flat on his ass in the middle of the aisle with John hovering over him menacingly.

“You stay away from him,” John says quietly, his voice full of rage. “Do you understand? I don’t want you going near him again.”

Alex just sits there speechless, still clearly in shock from what just happened, as John puts a hand on the small of Joe’s back and guides him out the store. 

It isn’t until they get outside that Joe feels as though he can finally breathe again. 

***** 

“So,” John says later, when they’re curled up with some tea on the sofa in Joe’s apartment. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

Joe shrugs and leans his head against John’s shoulder. “What’s there to talk about? We ran into my asshole ex-boyfriend. He’s still an asshole.”

John kisses Joe’s hair and tightens his arms around him. “Really? He seemed utterly charming to me.” 

Joe lets out a small laugh. “Thanks for standing up for me.” He presses a kiss to John’s jaw. “It was nice not to have to deal with him on my own.”

John’s eyes are soft as he caresses Joe’s cheek with such tenderness that Joe feels like crying again. 

“He was wrong, by the way,” John says quietly. “There’s no way I could do any better than you.”

Joe pulls John in by his shirt and smashes their lips together.

They end up making love on the sofa with Joe straddling John, riding him slowly and gently, a far cry from the sex they’d had this morning.

Joe’s heart is pounding as he rolls his hips and bounces steadily on John’s cock, gripping the older man’s shoulders for purchase as they kiss softly.

Now is not the time to say it, but Joe is _so_ in love with this man.

***** 

John stays in New York for ten days before returning to London.

Joe makes the most of every second- holding John’s hand and snuggling up to him and kissing him at every opportunity. He wants to burn the memory of John’s touch into his brain. 

After John leaves, Joe immediately books his next flight to London, and less than two weeks later he’s back in John’s arms.

Joe can’t explain it, but London is starting to feel more like home to him now. He’s not sure if it’s because he associates it with all his happy memories of filming BoRhap, or because two of his best friends live here. Or perhaps because he’s just come to associate it with John. Whatever the reason, it feels like a less lonely place than New York.

Although they have to double check for men lurking behind bushes with cameras everywhere they go, Joe feels a certain sense of relief now that they don’t have to hide. They can do things as a couple, and they even get an invitation for a double date with Gwil and Ben.

“Are you sure you want me here?” John asks when they arrive at Gwil and Ben’s shared flat one evening. “I wouldn’t want to intrude.” 

“You’re not intruding,” Joe says reassuringly as he knocks on the door. “They _invited_ you. They want to get to know you.”

Ben opens the door with a grin, immediately pulling Joe into a hug and kissing his cheek. “Good to see you, mate. Your hair’s got more ginger since the last time I saw you.”

“More ginger but more handsome,” Joe says proudly.

Ben turns his attention to John, who nervously offers the bottle of wine he’d been clutching.

“Hello, Ben,” John says with a soft smile. “It’s nice to see you again.”

Ben returns the smile as he gratefully accepts the wine. “Thank you. It’s nice to see you again too, John. I’m really glad you could come.”

Sensing John’s obvious nervousness, Ben takes the lead and wraps his arms around the older man’s shoulders, giving him a kiss on the cheek. John relaxes a little and returns the hug, giving Ben a cheek kiss too, and Joe gives him a thumbs up when their eyes meet.

Gwil is waiting for them in the living room, and he grins when he sees John, immediately shaking the older man’s hand.

“Hey, John. It’s great to see you. Really glad you could make it.”

“What about me?” Joe huffs.

Gwil gives Joe a playful swat on the ass. “Obviously I’m really not interested in speaking to you whatsoever. Your company bores me, quite frankly.”

One of the things Joe loves most about Gwil and Ben is how quickly they can put other people at ease. John had been incredibly nervous about tonight- he’d admitted to Joe that he was worried he wouldn’t fit in with three young men, and that Joe’s friends would disapprove of him. But within minutes John’s body language becomes more relaxed as Gwil makes easy conversation with him about his and Ben’s upcoming trip to France, and from then on the evening flows pretty smoothly.

Over dinner they talk about the plans for the BoRhap press tour, and how Ben may have to miss some of it to work on another project. John asks the boys about how they each got into acting, and where they grew up. Gwil trades opinions with John on rugby and the Six Nations. Ben asks John about where to stay in Leicester, as him and Gwil are thinking of visiting for a weekend break.

Joe is glad that John is getting on so well with his friends, but then things start getting a little _too_ relaxed.

“Joe has fancied you forever,” Ben giggles to John over his fourth glass of wine. “He used to have pictures of you taped up on the walls of his trailer.”

“That was research!” Joe insists, his face turning red. “It was to help me get into character.”

Gwil grins. “I think I walked in on you kissing one of those photos one day.”

“You did not,” Joe laughs. “Jesus. Don’t listen to them, John. They’re unreliable narrators.”

“I don’t know, love,” John says playfully. “It sounds very convincing to me.”

They spend the rest of the evening drinking a little too much wine and laughing over anything and everything, and when John and Joe finally depart at one in the morning, Joe has never seen the older man look so happy.

“They’re nice lads,” John comments, lacing his fingers with Joe’s.

“Yeah,” Joe agrees with a smile, feeling incredibly content. “I think so too.”

*****

Dinner two nights later with Brian and Roger is a little less relaxed.

John has known Brian and Roger far longer than Joe has known Gwil and Ben, but the three older men haven’t spent much time with each other over the last thirty years. It’s only really since BoRhap started filming that John has been back in touch with his old friends and former bandmates.

There’s a slight awkwardness in the air as they make small talk, and Joe is quite glad that they’re in the slightly less stifling environment of a quiet restaurant; he’s sure that a more private setting would only amplify the awkwardness. They all seem to be avoiding the elephant in the room, and it takes them nearly half an hour to actually acknowledge that John and Joe are here as a couple.

“So Joe,” Roger says as he takes a sip of wine. “What do your family think of _this_.” He gestures between John and Joe.

“ _Rog_ ,” Brian says warningly.

John looks a little annoyed, but Joe decides to answer anyway.

“They were quite shocked,” he admits with a laugh. “I’ve never dated anyone who’s so much older than me. But they’ve been really supportive. My mom said it’s the first time she’s heard me so happy since my dad died.”

Roger’s eyes soften a little. “That’s lovely to hear.” He elbows Brian. “See? I wasn’t going to cause trouble.” 

Brian rolls his eyes. “Yes, dear.”

They all laugh at that, which helps ease the tension.

“We were a little shocked to hear about it too,” Roger admits. “From the Daily Mail.” He shoots John a disapproving look. “And at first we wondered if maybe John was having some kind of late life crisis.”

“Roger!” Brian exclaims, exasperated.

“Hang on, Bri, I’m trying to say something _nice_ here! What I was going to say, before my husband so rudely interrupted me, is that it’s been a really long time since we’ve seen John smile like this.” 

Joe can’t help but feel ridiculously proud of the fact that the implication is that _he’s_ the one who’s been making John smile. 

“It’s true,” Brian adds. “When I first spoke to John after the news broke all he could talk about was how crazy he is over you, Joe.”

John turns red very quickly. “Yes, well, that was a _private_ conversation, Brian-“

“You’re a couple now,” Brian laughs, “and there are no secrets between couples. That’s the key to a successful relationship.” 

“Is it now?” John says playfully with a roll of his eyes. “Please do impart your wisdom on us, oh wise ones.” 

“Maybe you could learn a thing or two from us.” Roger sticks his tongue out at John. “After 48 years in a loving relationship and 41 years of marriage, we know a thing or two about what makes couples work.”

“Screaming at each other followed by a lot of sex, in your case,” John quips with a smirk.

Roger laughs and smacks Brian’s arm. “ _Yes_ , he’s back! Our dirty Deaky is _back_! We’ve missed you so much, John.”

Roger’s tone is playful, but there’s something serious in his voice when he smiles warmly at John.

“As much as I’m sure young Joe would love to hear about our sex life,” Brian chuckles, “I think it’s time for a change of subject. Did you know Rog and I have become grandparents again?”

“No,” John says with a smile. “When did this happen? Did Alice have another one?”

“No.” Brian digs around in his pocket for his phone. “It’s Harry’s first.”

They all admire pictures of the baby before they get chatting about John’s own grandchildren, and then they spend a while talking about Joe’s troublesome nephews.

It turns out to be a really pleasant evening, and Joe’s heart bubbles when he sees the warm hugs Brian and Roger give John as they leave the restaurant. 

“Take care of him, Joe,” Roger says softly while Brian and John are engaged in conversation. “We already lost him once.”

Roger’s words don’t fully sink in until Joe is curled up next to John in the back of the taxi. It suddenly hits him that Roger must think that Joe has the power to break John’s heart. It’s a power that Joe hasn’t acknowledged until now, and one he doesn’t really want to think about.

“So,” Joe says, kissing John’s jaw. “ _Dirty_ _Deaky_?” 

John chuckles. “You don’t want to know.”

*****

By the time they stumble in to their bedroom, drunk on wine and the acceptance of their friends, they’re already tearing at each other’s clothes.

“ _Joe_ ,” John moans as he kisses the younger man’s jaw. “Want you to fuck me.”

Joe freezes. “Yeah? You want me inside you?” 

John nods a little shyly, capturing Joe’s lips in a kiss. “I’ve wanted it for a while. Would love to have you in me. If you want to too?”

“Are you kidding me?” Joe chuckles, squeezing John’s rear. “There’s no way I wouldn’t want to fuck this ass.”

They kiss frantically as they finish undressing each other and collapse onto the bed. Joe trails his lips over every inch of the older man’s skin, grinning as he listens to John’s breathless moans.

“How do you want to do this?” Joe asks. “What position would be most comfortable for you?” 

John pushes himself up onto his elbows. “Probably on my back? So I can see you.” 

“Sounds good,” Joe agrees, grabbing a pillow and encouraging the older man to lift his hips so he can place it underneath. “How long has it been since you’ve done this?” 

“A while,” John admits softly. “There were other men after Freddie, and after Ronnie, but not for a long time now.”

“We’ll go slow,” Joe promises, kissing John’s nose. “I’ll make it good for you.” 

Despite it seemingly being a long time since John has done this, he doesn’t have too much trouble taking Joe’s fingers, and when Joe bends down to lick at the older man’s entrance, John practically _begs_ Joe to fuck him.

“You got it,” Joe grins, rolling a condom onto his dick and lubing himself up. “Spread those legs for me.”

“Hang on a minute,” John pants, gesturing for Joe to get into position. “I’m not quite as bendy as I used to be, but I think I can still-“

He hooks his legs over Joe’s shoulders, leaving him completely exposed to the younger man.

“Fuck that’s hot,” Joe moans, positioning himself at John’s entrance. “I’m gonna fucking _give_ it to you, John Deacon.”

“Yeah,” John sighs as Joe’s cock nudges inside him. “Want it so badly, Joe. _Please_.” 

Joe starts off slowly, opening John up and giving him time to get used to Joe’s cock, and then the younger man begins moving at a steady pace.

“You ok?” Joe asks, kissing John’s knee.

John nods silently, the pleasure on his face clear.

“That’s it, baby,” Joe says encouragingly. “You’re taking my cock so well.” 

Joe doesn’t think he’s ever seen such an arousing sight in his life. John’s face and neck are completely flushed as Joe nearly bends him in half as he thrusts into him, and John lets out a sigh when Joe rakes his nails through the older man’s chest hair. 

“ _Fuck_ me, Joe,” John moans. “Please.”

A bout of possessiveness washes over Joe as he grips John’s thighs and thrusts. He trusts John to let him know if it gets too much, so he fucks into the older man as if his life depends on. The sound of John’s breathless moans mixed with their skin slapping together makes Joe feel as if he’s in a porno. _The_ _hottest_ _porno_ _ever_.

John’s cock is flushed and red against his stomach, leaking pre-cum and looking painfully hard.

“Touch yourself,” Joe commands. “Jerk yourself off.”

At first Joe wonders if he’s gone too far, but then John smiles in response and reaches for his cock. Joe’s always found it incredibly erotic watching another man pleasure himself, and with John it’s no exception.

“Come on, John,” Joe gasps, fucking hard and deep. “Come for me now. Come on my cock.”

John squeezes his eyes shut, and with a last few furious jerks he trembles and comes over his stomach.

Joe lifts John’s legs from his shoulders and grips the older man’s ankles, spreading his legs wide so that Joe can watch his cock disappear into his lover-

He flops forward a little ungracefully as he comes, smearing John’s cum between them. He lies there for a few moments, breathing heavily.

“Are you alright?” John chuckles.

“Fucking fantastic,” Joe says, his whole body feeling like jelly. He finds the strength to lift himself off of John though, rolling to the side. “Are you ok? Sorry, I was kinda bending you like a contortionist.”

“I’m fine,” John laughs. “I’m still quite flexible, although my hips will probably ache a bit in the morning.”

“I’ll kiss them better,” Joe promises, nipping John on the lips. “I hope you enjoyed it. Because I thought that was fucking amazing.”

John laughs, his eyes sparkling as he reaches out to cup Joe’s cheek. “I loved it. It’s not often that I want to do that with someone, but I really trust you and you took good care of me.”

They kiss again, and when they part John is beaming, but there’s a hint of vulnerability in his eyes. 

“Joe?” John’s voice is soft as he caresses Joe’s neck.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” 

Joe’s heart stops, blood roaring in his ears.

The vulnerability in John’s eyes takes over a little and he seems to shrink in on himself. “I’m not sure if this is the right place or time to say it for the first time, but I’ve wanted to say it for so long, and I just feel so safe and happy right now, and I realised that’s the way I _always_ feel when I’m with you-“

Joe cuts him off by pressing another kiss to his lips.

“John,” he says softly when they part. “I love you too. I’m _so_ in love with you. I can’t even begin to tell you how much you’ve changed my life. You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep and...I don’t want to hide it anymore. I mean, I know the world knows we’re together, but I want the world to know you’re not just some sugar daddy to me. I want the world to know that I _love_ you and this thing between us is _real_.”

John laces their fingers together and squeezes. “I want that too, love.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I think we can both agree that we’re serious about this. So if you want to shout about it from the rooftops or on your Insta-whatever, then I’d be happy with that.”

“Instagram,” Joe corrects. “And really? You’d be ok with me...acknowledging this? Publicly?” 

John pulls Joe close. “You’re part of my life now. You shouldn’t have to hide that. So as long as you’re not posting dirty photos of us on your social media accounts...yes, I’m happy with that.” 

“Damn,” Joe says playfully. “I was hoping to upload that dick pic you sent me when we first started dating.”

“Don’t you bloody dare,” John laughs, reaching for Joe as the younger man scrambles out of bed, and chasing him to the bathroom.

*****

When Joe wakes up the next morning in John’s arms, he feels like his chest might burst with happiness.

John loves him.

 _John_ _loves_ _him_.

Being careful not to wake the older man, Joe reaches for his phone and sends a quick text to Ben.

 _J_ _told_ _me_ _he_ _loves_ _me!!!_   _< 3_

He then logs into his Instagram account for the first time in weeks, smiling when the first thing he sees on his feed is a burst of photos from Ben’s account of him and Gwil together. 

Joe quietly pulls himself out of bed and wanders down the hall to the room where John keeps his bass guitars, glancing around quickly. He smiles when he spots John’s favourite bass propped up against the wall, and he snaps a photo of it. He uploads it to Instagram, and pauses for a moment before typing out a caption.

 _My_ _boyfriend_ _is_ _better_ _than_ _yours_. @ _benhardy1_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe starts to feel a bit unwell...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok folks, please note that this chapter is where the mpreg tag really kicks in, so if this makes you uncomfortable at all, please read no further. As I’ve mentioned on Tumblr, I don’t really go into the science of mpreg here, but this is set in an AU where men can get pregnant and it’s a societal norm.
> 
> As always, thanks for the love and support!
> 
> Tumblr @bohemian-rhapsody-slash

Despite the fact that Joe spends the next few weeks alone in New York, he finds himself in an incredibly good mood.

New York seems to be having a bout of amazing weather, and the sunshine means that Joe is able to get out of the apartment for a bit. He’s still high on John’s love confession from his last visit to London, and every time he imagines John saying _I_ _love_ _you_ he has to remind himself that’s it’s not just a fantasy; it actually _happened_.

Hearing John say it still takes a bit of getting used to- whenever they say goodbye after a video chat or phone call now, John replaces his signature _take_ _care_ , _Joe_ with _I_ _love_ _you_ , _Joe_. It still makes Joe grin like an idiot and melt a little inside as he returns the sentiment, and over the last few days he hasn’t been able to get the grin off his face.

“You’re looking awfully happy with yourself,” John comments during a video chat one afternoon, when Joe is strolling through Central Park enjoying the warmth of the sun. “You’re not missing me at all then?”

Joe laughs and pushes his sunglasses further up his nose. “ _Obviously_ I’m missing you. And while it sucks that you’re not here, I’m feeling really good right now. The sun is shining and I know you’re flying over here on Saturday...you are still planning to come, right?”

“Definitely,” John says with a smile. “I was hoping to escape the heatwave we’re having in London but it doesn’t sound as though it’s much cooler there. But I’m really looking forward to it.”

“Cool. I can’t wait to show you some of the comments people have left on that Instagram post, John. Honestly, some people are acting as though ours is the greatest love story of all time.”

“Maybe it is,” John chuckles softly. “It certainly is to me, anyway.”

“You old sap. Listen, I wanted to talk about plans for your birthday which is obviously, like, really soon. It would be nice for us to be together, but I know it’s right after you leave New York, so I don’t know if you had any thoughts?”

John’s smile widens. “I was actually going to ask you about that myself. Ronnie wants to do a dinner at her and Lisa’s house- invite the kids and grandkids over, make it a big family thing...and she wanted to know if you’d like to come?”

Joe pauses, a little thrown by the question. “Oh.”

“It’s fine if you don’t want to,” John adds quickly, “I completely understand that it might be a bit weird for you to have dinner with my ex-wife, and meeting everyone so soon-“

“No,” Joe says firmly. “It’s not that. I was just...surprised, I guess? That she would want me there.”

“She’s wanted to meet you from the moment she found out about you, love. She’s my best friend and she knows how much I love you and how happy you make me.”

Joe smiles shyly. “She knows you love me?”

John laughs. “She’s the one who convinced me to tell you.”

“Oh.” Joe grins. “Well, I’d love to meet her. And your kids. It might be a little weird at first, but I guess it’s gotta happen sooner or later.”

Joe’s heart melts a little at the thought of Veronica wanting to include him in John’s birthday dinner. She actually _wants_ him to be part of the family.

Joe decides he likes her already.

“They’ll love you,” John promises. “Who wouldn’t? So if it works for you, maybe you could fly back with me to London when I leave New York?”

“Sounds good. The press tour isn’t until September so I’ve got some free time.”

“Great.” John looks ridiculously happy. “Listen, I’ll call you tomorrow but otherwise looking forward to seeing you in a few days.”

“Can’t wait to see you too.” Joe presses his lips to his phone screen, grinning when John laughs.

“Love you, Joe.”

“Love you too, John.”

Joe sighs happily when he ends the call, and quickly checks Instagram for updates. He grins when he sees he’s been tagged in a post by Ben, and when he taps on the notification it takes him to a selfie that Ben’s taken of Gwil kissing his cheek lovingly while he smirks at the camera. The caption makes Joe laugh.

 _Been_ _surprised_ _with_ _a_ _lovely_ _weekend_ _away_ _in_ _a_ _fancy_ _B &B_ _by_ _my_ _amazing_ _boyfriend_ @ _mrgwilymlee_. _Setting_ _the_ _bar_ _very_ _high_ _for_ _your_ _boyfriend_ @ _joe_ _ _mazzello_

*****

Joe ends up catching a stomach bug two days before John arrives in New York, and spends most of that time curled up on the couch under a blanket watching crap TV. He hopes that if he spends enough time resting now, he’ll recover before John turns up and it won’t ruin their time together.

“Are you sure you don’t need to see a doctor?” John asks with a concerned frown on his face during one of their evening video chats.

“Nah,” Joe yawns, pulling his blanket up to his chin. “I probably just had some bad sushi or something. I’m a little nauseous and tired but I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.”

“Okay,” John says, although he doesn’t sound convinced. “I’ll be there soon to take care of you at least.”

“Mm. Take care of me with your cock.”

“ _Joseph_. I’m not fucking you when you’re ill. You need to rest.” 

“I’ll be fine by the time you get here. So you can _definitely_ fuck me.”

Joe is definitely _not_ fine when John arrives.

He’d been puking all morning, and he knows he must look like shit because John looks visibly shocked when Joe opens the door. 

“You look very pale, Joe,” John says softly once they’ve had a quick kiss. He cups the younger man’s face, thumbs brushing gently against his stubble. “You’re not feeling any better then?”

“Still really nauseous,” Joe sighs. “Been puking all morning.”

John raises an eyebrow thoughtfully, but doesn’t say anything. He takes Joe’s hand and settles him on the couch, before wandering off into the kitchen to make tea.

Joe is grateful to have John there with him, and he feels a little better when he’s able to lie down on the couch with his head in the older man’s lap. John’s fingers carding through his hair are incredibly soothing, and they sit and watch a Disney movie in silence before Joe falls asleep.

Joe doesn’t have the energy for sex that night, so the two of them exchange lazy handjobs in bed before Joe settles himself on John’s chest. He’s annoyed at himself for getting sick when John is here, and while they can’t enjoy the activities that they’re used to, it’s nice to at least have someone to hold him and stroke his hair when he’s feeling shitty.

He’s woken at 5AM the next morning by the familiar churning in his stomach, and he just about manages to get to the bathroom to puke. He doesn’t throw up very much, as he hadn’t really eaten a lot of food the day before, but it makes his chest heave and he feels like the whole room is spinning.

There’s a warm hand on his back rubbing gently, and Joe wasn’t even aware of John getting up to follow him into the bathroom. He’s grateful that John sits there with him though, holding his hand and rubbing his back and whispering soothing words.

Joe pukes twice more that morning, and John is wonderful at taking care of him. The older man strokes Joe’s hair and makes him tea, and even watches yet more Disney movies with him.

“I wish this fucking bug would go away,” Joe groans when they’re cuddled up on the couch. “I thought this would only be a 48 hour thing.”

There’s a pause, and Joe can tell there’s something that John wants to say, but he’s been quieter than usual all day.

“What?” Joe asks, removing his head from John’s shoulder to look the older man in the eyes. “I can hear the cogs in your head turning.”

John sighs. “Look, I’m only asking the question here because it seems logical, so please don’t panic. But do you think...well. Is there any chance you might be pregnant?”

Joe can feel his jaw drop at the mention of the _p_ word. It’s a thought that hasn’t even crossed his mind, but now that John’s mentioned it, he can’t help but mentally try and run through every coupling they’ve ever had to work out if it’s a possibility. It certainly fits with his symptoms, and the more he thinks about it, the more it seems to make sense. He can feel the panic start to settle itself in the pit of his stomach, and he suddenly feels nauseous again.

“We use condoms,” Joe says quietly, his voice a little shaky. “We’ve used a condom every time.”

“I know, love. But you’re not on birth control and condoms can fail. Trust me, it wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened to me. I’m just asking whether it’s a possibility. It certainly seems like it, given your symptoms and the timing.”

Joe swallows, trying to digest this information. “I guess...yeah. Yeah it’s a possibility.” He blinks, his eyes suddenly wet. “What do we do?”

John leans forward and presses a kiss to Joe’s lips. “Well, there’s only one way to be sure. Let me go out and get you a pregnancy test.”

Joe nods, his body numb.

He’s not sure how he feels about this. On the one hand, Joe has always longed for a baby. He loves kids and he’s always known he wanted some someday, but when he started dating John he assumed that wouldn’t be an option for him anymore. He assumed that John wouldn’t want more children at his age, and Joe would have to choose between the man he loves or starting a family. He wonders how John will feel about it if he _is_ pregnant- whether he’ll be happy or upset. Joe knows that John would never ask him to get an abortion if he didn’t want to, but Joe can’t help but wonder if John would forever feel obligated to him because of their child.

“I won’t be long,” John promises softly, kissing the younger man’s forehead. “And I know the thought of this must be a bit scary, but I’m here for you. Whatever happens, I’m going to be right here. Understand?”

Joe nods, but can’t bring himself to say anything.

John is only gone for about twenty minutes, but it feels like an eternity. Joe is left with all those thoughts running round his head- _what_ _if_ _John_ _doesn’t_ _want_ _it_ , _what_ _if_ _he_ _hates_ _me_ , _what_ _if_ _I’ve_ _ruined_ _his_ _life_ -

But then in his mind he sees himself holding a baby, and his heart _aches_. Because in his wildest fantasies he knows he lives in a world where John wants a child with him and they start a family together.

When John eventually gets back, he presents Joe with a whole carrier bag of pregnancy tests. “I thought I’d get a few different brands for you to choose from. So you could be sure.”

“Thanks,” Joe says, his voice still a little shaky.

He disappears into the bathroom and picks three of the tests to use. He deals with each of them as quickly as possible and leaves them on the countertop, sinking down to take a seat on the floor with his back pressed up against the bathtub. John appears a few minutes later, and silently takes a seat beside Joe on the floor.

“I know how you must be feeling right now,” John says softly, taking Joe’s hand in his own. “I’ve been in this boat myself, you know.”

“Really?” Joe asks, surprised. “You’ve taken a pregnancy test?”

“Yeah. When I was quite young, in my early twenties.” John stares at his lap a little sadly. “I remember it seemed to take forever, and I spent the whole time panicking about what I was going to tell my mum, and what was going to happen to Queen. Freddie waited with me, and he was really supportive but I could tell he was worried. I’d never seen him so quiet. But I think there was a part of both of us that secretly wanted that test to be positive. I definitely briefly imagined what it might be like to have a child with Freddie’s warm brown eyes...but it didn’t matter. It was just a scare and it came back negative.”

Joe doesn’t know what to say to that, so he kisses John’s jaw.

“I was relieved,” John continues, “but I was surprised to find a bigger part of me was disappointed. I’ve always loved children and there was a part of me that always felt like Freddie and I were meant to be. But that whole episode made Freddie realise that we didn’t want the same things. I wanted a family. Children and a marriage and a house in the suburbs. He didn’t want that. The commitment scared him.”

“That’s when you split up,” Joe supplies softly.

John nods sadly. “We loved each other but we wanted very different things. It was because we loved each other so much that we remained amazing friends and Queen was able to go on. A year later I met Ronnie, and Freddie later met Jim, and we were happy for each other.”

Joe wraps an arm around John’s chest and squeezes gently.

“If this test _is_ positive,” John says gently, “I want you to know I’ll support whatever decision you make. If you don’t want to keep it, I’ll be there to help you through that. And if you do want to keep it, I’ll support you through that too.”

“Yeah?” Joe meets the older man’s eyes. “You wouldn’t be...upset? If I wanted to keep it?”

John kisses Joe gently. “Like I said, I’ve always loved children. I’d never intended to have any more at my age, and it might cause us difficulties, but that certainly won’t stop me from loving this child in the same way I love all my other children. You are my family now, Joe. And if we’re surprised with another addition to our family, then I can only be happy about it.”

Joe presses his lips to John’s again, tears falling down his cheeks as affection for the older man washes over him. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Joe’s phone suddenly buzzes as the alarm goes off, and he shakily wipes his eyes as he silences it.

“Okay,” Joe says, taking a deep breath. “Here goes nothing.”

John stands up with him, and together they approach the countertop.

Joe glances quickly at each of the three tests laid out before them, before studying them in more detail. He blinks, glances at them again, before turning to look at John.

John laughs softly as he stares at the tests, before giving Joe a warm smile. “Well then. I guess we’re having a baby.”

Joe nods, and he’s surprised to feel a smile creep onto his own face. “Yeah. I guess we are.”

And then they’re both _laughing_ as they pull each other into a hug, their lips meeting in a furious kiss.

Joe had always thought that getting to his age with a string of failed relationships would mean that having a baby just wasn’t meant to be for him. But here he is, pregnant with John Deacon’s child.

He’s _pregnant_.

He’s finally going to have his own _family_.

*****

John suggests that maybe they stay in New York for a little while longer while Joe’s nausea subsides, but Joe insists that the older man is worrying too much and that he’s fit to fly.

He starts to regret that though the minute they take off, when he’s reaching for one of the paper bags. John makes sure he has a steady supply of paper bags and water throughout the flight, stroking his hair sympathetically whenever he has to puke. Being in first class doesn’t really make Joe any more comfortable, and he’s grateful when they finally land and John manages to guide him seamlessly through customs and baggage claim into a waiting taxi.

Joe collapses into bed when they get to John’s house, and he sleeps for a solid 14 hours.

He spends the next few days lounging around in sweats and not really doing very much, but thankfully his nausea starts to subside and to become more predictable; he seems to only feel ill very early in the morning and very late at night now, which leaves the rest of his day relatively undisturbed. Joe does notice however that his appetite seems to increase, and John seems more than happy to feed him bowl after bowl of pasta and whatever sauce Joe requests.

By the time John’s birthday rolls around, Joe is feeling much better and is actually quite excited to meet the Deacon family.

He wakes John up with a long blowjob that morning, swallowing the older man’s dick and allowing John to fuck his mouth, before insisting he cooks them breakfast.

“How are you feeling today?” John asks as he stabs at a piece of bacon with his fork, looking rather blissed out after his morning orgasm, but still eyeing Joe with concern.

“Not bad,” Joe says with a smile, shovelling egg into his mouth. “Feeling better now I’ve eaten. I’ll be fine for later.”

“Are you sure?” John asks with a frown. “I wouldn’t want you over-exerting yourself-“

“It’s _dinner_ , John. It’ll be fine.”

“I know, but I just worry. You’ve been getting sick in the evenings. Do you want to come up with a code word or something to signal to me that you want to leave?”

“I’ll be fine, John. Honestly, if it gets too much I’ll just tell you. No need for a secret code word.”

“ _I_ used to have a secret code word,” John laughs. “For when I wanted to get out of Queen parties.”

“That’s super cute.” Joe puts his fork down with a sigh. “I regret not making more eggs.”

“Have the rest of mine, I’m done.”

“Yeah?” Joe says, already reaching for the older man’s plate.

“Yeah. You are eating for two now, after all.”

Joe pats his flat stomach happily. “This baby is gonna be a great excuse for so many things.”

They have a pretty relaxed day in which Joe attempts to bake John a birthday cake, which goes horribly wrong. He doesn’t keep it in the oven for long enough and it collapses in on itself, but he still covers it with blue icing and writes _Happy_ _Birthday_ _John_ in sloppy writing, before sticking a candle in the middle. John loves it though, and gives Joe a big kiss before blowing out the candle.

Joe snaps a photo of the cake on his phone, before uploading it to Instagram and typing out a caption.

 _Wishing_ _a_ _very_ _Happy_ _Birthday_ _to_ _the_ _most_ _amazing_ _man_ _in_ _my_ _life_. _As_ _many_ _of_ _you_ _know_ , _I’ve_ _been_ _through_ _some_ _difficult_ _stuff_ _in_ _the_ _last_ _few_ _months_ _and_ _I’m_ _so_ _lucky_ _to_ _have_ _someone_ _who’s_ _been_ _so_ _patient_ _and_ _kind_ _and_ _taken_ _such_ _good_ _care_ _of_ _me_. _I_ _can_ _only_ _thank_ _him_ _with_ _this_ _half_ _baked_ _cake_.

The photo quickly becomes Joe’s most commented on post to date, and throughout the afternoon an onslaught of well wishes are sent to John via Joe’s Instagram page. Joe grins when he scrolls through the comments and sees some familiar names.

 _benhardy1_ _I_ _thought_ _I_ _was_ _the_ _most_ _amazing_ _man_ _in_ _your_ _life_?? _Happy_ _birthday_ _John_ ( _I_ _will_ _fight_ _you_ _to_ _the_ _death for Joe’s love)_

 _mrgwilymlee_ _your_ _cake_ _looks_ _more_ _like_ _a_ _pancake_ _mate_ _but_ _good_ _effort_. _Happy_ _birthday_ _John_!

 _brianmayforreal_ _Wishing_ _a_ _very_ _happy_ _birthday_ _to_ _a_ _dear_ _old_ _friend_. _Hope_ _you_ _have_ _an_ _amazing_ _day_ _John_! _Lots_ _of_ _love_ _from_ _Bri_ _and_ _Rog_ _x_

The smile on John’s face when Joe shows him the comments is probably the highlight of Joe’s year.

“Look how many people love you,” Joe says softly, scrolling through the comments beneath the photo. “Look how many people are thinking about you today.”

John doesn’t say anything, but he’s smiling and he looks a little tearful.

They’re both in a good mood for the rest of the day, but when the time comes for them to head to Veronica’s, Joe suddenly feels incredibly nervous.

“What’s her wife’s name again?” Joe asks as he fiddles with the bouquet of flowers he’s clutching in the passenger’s seat of John’s car.

“Lisa.” John takes one hand off the steering wheel to pat Joe’s knee. “It’s going to be fine, love. They’re lovely people.”

Joe nods, but he can’t help feeling a little terrified. He desperately wants this to go well. Now that he’s pregnant, he knows it’s more important than ever that John’s family like him, since they’ll be seeing so much more of each other.

It turns out though that Joe really had nothing to worry about.

Veronica Tetzlaff is a slim woman with shoulder length blonde hair, and kind eyes which sparkle when John and Joe turn up at her front door.

“Happy birthday, John! It’s so lovely to see you,” Veronica says with a smile as she hugs John and kisses his cheek. “We mustn’t leave it this long again.”

John smiles and kisses her back. “I know, and it’s probably my fault we haven’t had a chance to catch up in person. Thanks for arranging this.”

“Oh don’t mention it!” Her eyes drift to Joe. “And this must be Joe?”

“Yes,” John says happily. “Joe, this is Ronnie.”

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Joe says politely, offering Veronica the flowers. “These are for you. Thank you so much for having us.”

“Oh how lovely.” Veronica takes the flowers gratefully, admiring them with a warm smile. “It’s so wonderful to finally meet you, Joe. I’ve heard so much about you.”

She pulls Joe into a hug, kissing his cheek.

They’re ushered into the living room and Joe has to concentrate very hard as he is immediately introduced to various members of the family.

Veronica’s wife, Lisa, is a short stocky woman who nearly squeezes Joe to death with a tight hug.

Michael and Joshua, John’s middle sons, politely shake Joe’s hand and introduce their partners and children. Joe finds it difficult to gauge their first impressions of him, but their kids seem to like it when he offers a high five to them.

John’s daughter, Laura, studies Joe for a moment when they’re introduced, a thoughtful look on her face.

“You’re not quite as young as I was expecting,” she says with a grin. “Then again, I could only picture you as the little boy from Jurassic Park.”

Joe laughs at that, and quickly decides he’ll get on just fine with Laura.

It’s a bit overwhelming being introduced to so many people in one go, but John is a comforting presence at his side, keeping one hand on the small of Joe’s back or on his arm. The older man smiles at him after every introduction, as if to say _that_ _went_ _rather_ _well_.

John’s youngest sons are sat in the corner drinking beer together, and when Joe is brought over to them he finds himself immediately pulled into a hug by the youngest, Cameron.

“I’ve been wanting to meet you for so long,” Cameron says happily. “Before you and my dad were even going out, actually.” 

“Really?” Joe laughs.

“I follow you on Instagram and Twitter,” Cameron says proudly. “I’m a big fan. I can’t wait to see the movie. I know you’ll be amazing.”

There’s something so sweetly innocent about Cameron and his genuine compliments that makes Joe feel oddly protective of him, as if the younger man were his own son. 

His older brother, Luke, also goes for a hug. “It’s good to meet you, man. I’ve heard lots about you.” 

Luke’s demeanour is very relaxed, and it definitely helps to put Joe at ease. He finds himself feeling a lot calmer as Veronica eases him into a seat between her two youngest sons.

“Can I get you a drink, Joe? We have just about everything. We could practically run our own bar.”

“A beer would be great,” Joe says with a smile, but he hesitates when he sees John’s expression. “Actually, uh, water is fine.” 

Veronica fixes him with a quizzical gaze for a moment, before smiling warmly. “Water it is. John, would you mind giving me a hand?” 

Joe watches the two of them disappear to the kitchen and turns to Luke, ready to use some of the conversation starters he’d rehearsed earlier. “So I hear you’re a musician too?” 

Luke shrugs. “Something like that. I write a little, play a little. Runs in the family I guess.”

Joe starts to feel a lot more relaxed as he chats to the two younger boys, and he even joins in with playing with their nephews. 

“You’re good with kids,” Cameron notes softly as he watches Joe construct a mini castle out of building blocks. “Are there lots of children in your family?”

“I have a couple of nephews,” Joe grins. “They’re both little tykes.” His heart bubbles a little at Cameron’s compliment, because the truth is he’s already starting to doubt his ability to look after a child.

Robert Deacon arrives with his wife and children about twenty minutes later, and Joe finds himself shifting a little closer to Luke. He can’t help but think back to how John had described his oldest son’s reaction upon finding out about their relationship. 

 _Not_ _pleased_.

“He hates me, doesn’t he?” Joe whispers.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Luke says quietly, watching John and Veronica hug their oldest son. “He’s just very protective of our dad. Rob sort of sees himself as head of the family, now that mum and dad are getting older. He thinks it’s his role to protect them. I wouldn’t worry though. After he spends thirty seconds with you, he’ll see you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to dad.”

Joe blushes a little at the compliment, but quickly composes himself when he sees that John is leading Robert over to him. 

“Joe,” John says softly, “I want you to meet my oldest, Robert. Robert, this is Joe.” 

Robert scans Joe quickly from head to toe, before holding out his hand. “It’s nice to meet you.” 

“Good to meet you too, man,” Joe says, taking Robert’s hand and cringing when he sees the older man raise an unimpressed eyebrow at being addressed as  _man_. 

“Hm.” Robert shakes his hand and turns back to John. “I need to talk to you alone for a minute. I have some papers I need you to sign.”

John gives Joe a look as if to say _that_ _could_ _have_ _gone_ _a_ _lot_ _worse_.

Despite a bit of a frosty start with Robert, dinner is actually rather enjoyable. Joe is sat with John on his right and Joshua on his left, who he’s surprised to learn is an avid video gamer. Of all of John’s children, Joshua is the one closest in age to Joe, and the two of them have a surprising amount in common.

He gets a lot of questions from everyone around the table, particularly Veronica, but it doesn’t feel like a grilling at all. They all seem curious about him, and they ask a lot of questions about BoRhap. The only one who stays rather quiet is Robert, who observes the conversation as if he’s trying to make up his mind about what he thinks of Joe.

Joe is glad when Veronica distracts them all with a cake, and he grins as he watches John turn red when everyone sings a chorus of Happy Birthday to him.

After dinner, Joe and Laura volunteer to do the dishes, chatting quietly as they work. John’s daughter has a very dry sense of humour, which Joe rather enjoys, and they exchange comfortable banter until they’re interrupted by someone clearing their throat behind them. 

Robert is standing there a little awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other. “Sorry. Joe, I was wondering if I could have a word?” 

Joe glances at Laura, who raises her eyebrows. “Um. Sure.” 

Robert gestures at the open kitchen door which leads to the large back yard. “I thought we might enjoy the evening sunshine and take a stroll around the garden?”

“That sounds nice,” Joe says, a little taken aback by the change in attitude, and suddenly feeling as though he’s a man on death row being led to his execution. 

The two men set out at a leisurely pace across the grass, neither of them saying anything for a minute or two. Eventually, Robert speaks first. 

“I just wanted to apologise.” Robert keeps his hands in his pockets as they stroll, and makes brief eye contact with Joe. “I’m aware I might have come off as a little... _short_ earlier. And I’m sure my father has told you some of the things I’ve been saying to him.”

“Some of them,” Joe says a little warily.

Robert nods. “Well I shouldn’t have said them and I’m sorry. I like to look out for my dad, you see, and I think I got a bit carried away. He’s had some real personal problems in the past...ever since Freddie died really and he divorced my mother. And there have been plenty of people who have tried to take advantage of him. I hope you can understand why I thought you might be one of those people, and I hope you can forgive me? Because now that I’ve spoken to both my parents and had a chance to meet you, I’m starting to realise you’re not one of those people.”

Joe smiles, relief flooding through him. “I can understand why you would think that. I’m glad you’ve changed your mind though and I’m glad John has someone looking out for him like that.”

“I take my duty as the oldest son very seriously,” Robert says with a playful smile. “And as I think it’s quite likely that I will soon be your stepson, I will be offering you that same protection as well.”

Joe bites his lip. While Robert’s tone is mostly playful (especially since he’s several years older than Joe), Joe can also sense the seriousness there. The implication that John might be thinking about marriage momentarily shocks Joe a little, but then he remembers that he’s pregnant with the older man’s child.

“He’s besotted with you,” Robert says softly, as if he can read Joe’s mind. “I’ve never heard him talk this way about anyone before. I’m quite certain it’ll only be a matter of time before he’ll want to make you an official Deacon, so I thought perhaps I should get to know you a little better.”

They’ve reached the end of the garden, and there’s a small steep hill in front of them with a wooden bench at the top. Robert holds out his arm, which Joe accepts with a smile, and the older man chivalrously helps him to the top. As the sun sets they sit and talk for a while- about Robert’s children, about Joe’s dad, about what John was like as a father when Robert was growing up. It gives Joe a whole new insight into the man he loves.

When the sun has almost set completely, they make their way back down the hill and across the garden, and Joe feels as though he now knows Robert almost as well as he knows John. They re-enter the house, and John gives them both a suspicious look when the two of them arrive arm in arm, but Joe just shoots his lover a reassuring smile.

Joe feels as though he’s really accomplished something today; he’s managed to make every member of the Deacon family _not_ hate him.

He wonders whether that will change when they find out about the pregnancy, but decides not to worry about that for now.

Baby steps.

*****

When they get home that night, they’re both in a very good mood, and Joe insists that now is the perfect time to give John his birthday present.

“I don’t need anything more from you, love,” John says gently as Joe guides him to the sofa. “You’ve given me everything I’ve ever wanted.”

“That’s sweet,” Joe chuckles, kissing the older man’s lips. “But it’s your birthday, and I want to do something special for you. Wait here, okay? I’ll be back in a minute.”

He leaves a confused looking John sat on the couch as he scurries upstairs to the bedroom, and quickly strips off his clothes. He digs around in his suitcase until he finds the items he’s looking for- a lacy pair of black panties, matching stocking and suspenders, and a pair of high heels. Joe hasn’t worn lingerie in a very long time, but he thought John’s birthday would be the perfect occasion to try it out again.

He pulls the panties up his legs, adjusting himself so that everything is concealed (for now). They’re really more of a thong; the panties barely cover his ass, and while they’re not the most comfortable underwear in the world, he’s not planning on wearing them for long and he’s sure it’s a look John will love.

Next he pulls on the stockings and suspenders, fiddling with everything to make sure it’s in the right place. He’s always loved the way that stockings make his legs look; his thighs always look a lot more shapely when covered with lacy material.

Lastly he steps into the high heels, and he paces a little around the bedroom to practice walking in them again. It doesn’t take him long to regain his confidence, and when he turns to look at himself in the mirror, he’s actually really pleased with what he sees. Joe runs a hand over his flat stomach, knowing that he won’t look this way in a few months time. He briefly wonders if John will still want to see him in lingerie when he gains weight, but he pushes that thought to the back of his mind for now.

Joe grabs his phone and carefully makes his way downstairs, and takes a deep breath as he enters the living room. John is still sat on the sofa, but seems to have started reading a magazine to pass the time.

Joe leans against the doorframe in as sexy a pose he can manage, before clearing his throat. 

John looks up, and his eyes _widen_ when he sees the younger man. He tosses the magazine aside and sits up straight.

“Fuck,” John says, his eyes drinking in the sight of the younger man. “Joe. You look... _fuck_.” 

Joe grins. “You still want your birthday present?”

John nods eagerly. “Yes. Yes please.”

Joe saunters over to the sound system and plugs in his phone, bringing up the song he needs and pressing play.

A steady beat fills the air, and Joe gyrates his hips slowly in time to the music, before walking towards John as the lyrics start. 

 _I’m_ _a_ _boss_ _ass_ _bitch_ _bitch_ _bitch_ _bitch_ _bitch_ _bitch_ _bitch_

 _I’m_ _a_ _boss_ _ass_ _bitch_ _bitch_ _bitch_ _bitch_ -

It’s been a long time since Joe has given someone a lap dance, so he tries not to show how nervous he is. He’s been practising in his apartment over the last few weeks to build his confidence; he’d watched numerous YouTube videos to try and pick up some moves and cobble a routine together. Ultimately Joe knows it doesn’t really matter if he screws up; John is looking at him with such adoration that Joe feels as though he can do no wrong.

John has the biggest smirk on his face as he makes himself comfortable, leaning back on the sofa and spreading his legs wide so that Joe can dance between them. 

Joe concentrates on working through his routine, bending down to run his hands down the older man’s chest as he gyrates his hips again. He starts feeling a lot more natural and comfortable as the song progresses, and he can see John getting more and more excited. At one point, the older man leans forward and grabs Joe by the hips, pulling him forwards so that John can mouth at the younger man’s crotch through his panties. Joe loves how into this John seems to be, but he teasingly frees himself from his lover’s grip, winking at him and mouthing _later_.

About halfway through the song, Joe turns so that his back to John, and bends forward, crouching a little to rest his hands on his knees so that his ass sticks out and is almost in John’s face. He turns his head to shoot a sexy smirk over his shoulder as he shakes his ass from side to side, grinning when he sees John’s eyes fixed on his rear.

John seems to be struggling to contain himself, and he reaches out to run a hand down Joe’s right ass cheek. Joe lowers himself so that he’s sitting in John’s lap facing away from him; he can feel John’s erection pressing against him, and Joe rolls his hips, making sure his ass brushes against John’s cock with every movement.

“ _Joe_ ,” John gasps, and it’s only then that Joe realises the song has finished. “This is incredible, but if you keep doing that my cock is going to fucking explode.”

Joe looks over his shoulder and bats his eyes innocently. “Would you like to fuck me instead?”

John answers in the form of a firm slap delivered to Joe’s ass.

They end up sprinting to the bedroom, and although John immediately peels the panties down Joe’s thighs, he asks the younger man to leave the stockings, suspenders and high heels on.

After John has stripped and given Joe a good fingering, he reaches for a condom, pausing when Joe’s hand clamps around his wrist.

“We can go without if you’d like,” Joe says gently. “I’m already pregnant, after all.” 

John’s expression softens, and he nods as he puts the condom away.

It turns out to be the hardest fuck Joe has received in his life.

Joe spreads his legs wide as he lays on his back and lets John drill into him. The fact that he’s dressed like a whore makes him feel so _dirty_ and it makes the whole thing incredibly hot. The feeling of John inside him is also amazing- it’s the first time they’ve had sex without a condom, and the additional sensation is so incredibly intimate that Joe wants to cry. 

The lack of a barrier also seems to be having an impact on John, because it only takes a couple of minutes of hard thrusts for him to come inside Joe. John wastes no time in jerking Joe off though, still on a high after his own orgasm.

“Happy birthday, Mr Deacon,” Joe sighs as John rolls off of him.

“Best birthday ever,” John says breathlessly, giving Joe a quick kiss. “That was better than any fantasy I’ve ever had.”

They clean up and get ready for bed slowly, and by the time they cuddle up under the covers, Joe is exhausted.

“I love you so much,” John says softly, caressing Joe’s stomach. 

“Love you too.” Joe places his hand on top of John’s. 

“I just have one question.” John kisses Joe’s neck.

“Mm?”

“Where the hell did you find that song you were dancing to?” 

*****

The next few days pass by in a pleasant blur, and Joe finds himself spending any spare time reading pregnancy articles on his phone. 

He knows he shouldn’t let himself get too excited so early on, but he can’t help it. The baby is all he can think about, and while he knows it’s currently only a tiny ball of cells inside him, he’s still already starting to think about clothes and diapers and cribs and baby food-

Which leads him to start to wonder about how him and John are going to make this work. He knows that John isn’t going to want to be apart from the baby, which means one of them is going to have to move continents. And while he hadn’t broached the subject with John yet, Joe knows he can’t ask John to leave his family in London.

Joe decides not to worry about it for now, and concentrates instead on how he’s going to tell everyone. 

“Ronnie already knows,” John says as they’re discussing it over breakfast one morning. “She took one look at you at dinner the other night and guessed.” 

“That woman has superpowers, I swear. Well I guess that’s your family taken care of,” Joe laughs. “Will she tell your kids?”

“I’ll tell them. She’s promised to keep it a secret until we’re ready.” 

Joe decides to wait until he returns to New York to tell his family in person, which just leaves his friends.

Luckily, an opportunity presents itself a few days later, when Rami sends a message in the BoRhap WhatsApp group chat saying that he’s in town and suggesting that they all meet for dinner. Rami says that he’s bringing Lucy, and asks Joe to invite John too.

Having already had dinner with Gwil and Ben, John is a little less reluctant but still quite nervous. Joe can tell that the older man feels as though he won’t fit in, but he also seems rather touched to be included. 

They end up meeting up in a quiet restaurant in South London, and Joe almost has tears in his eyes when Rami pulls him into a hug. It’s been a while since he’s seen his old friend, and getting to hug him reminds him of just how much he’s missed Rami. It’s nice to see Lucy too, who looks stunningly beautiful as always.

John seems to visibly relax when Rami shakes his hand and Lucy kisses his cheek, and they make easy conversation until Gwil and Ben arrive.

“Sorry we’re late,” Gwil says, sliding into the booth next to Joe. “Had to wait half an hour for this one to finish primping his hair.”

Ben rolls his eyes. “I would’ve been ready on time if I didn’t have to iron your shirt. I refuse to be seen in public with you if you insist on wearing creased shirts.”

He slides into the opposite booth next to John, smiling when he sees the older man.

“You’re here!” Ben says excitedly. “Glad we didn’t frighten you off after last time.”

“Definitely not,” John says with a smile, exchanging kisses with Ben.

The six of them engage in small talk until the waitress comes to take their drinks order.

When Joe orders a coke, Ben frowns at him.

“A coke?” the blond laughs. “What, are you pregnant?”

Joe must flinch, because Ben’s expression immediately turns serious.

“Um,” Joe says, glancing nervously around the table.

The waitress hastily excuses herself, and everyone immediately focuses their attention on Joe.

“ _Are_ you pregnant?” Lucy asks softly.

Joe smiles weakly, glancing at John, who gives him an encouraging look. “It was a bit of a surprise...but yeah. I’m pregnant.”

“Wow,” Rami says, clearly shocked.

“John, you sly dog.” Ben gives John a friendly punch on the arm. “Congratulations on knocking up my best buddy.”

John turns red but smiles. “Thanks. Like Joe says, it was a bit of a surprise, but we’re both very happy.”

“That’s great,” Gwil says, pulling Joe in for a hug. “I’m really happy for you both.” 

“Thanks, man,” Joe chuckles, hugging him back. 

Joe is glad that all his friends take the news so well and seem to be happy for him. They talk for a few minutes about the pregnancy, but Joe is grateful they don’t dwell on it for too long, and instead they move on to talk about Ben’s new work project, Rami’s new apartment in LA, and how John spent his birthday.

It’s a really nice evening, and by the time they leave Joe is almost certain that John won’t hesitate to come out with his friends again.

“Well that seemed to go very well,” John says as they’re getting ready for bed that night. 

“Trust me, it did,” Joe yawns. “I knew they’d be cool with it.”

“I’m going to tell the kids next time I see them. What about your family?”

“I’ll talk to them when I’m back in New York.” 

John climbs into bed beside Joe and settles himself next to the younger man, pulling him close. “How do you think they’ll react?”

Joe chuckles. “No idea. I’m sure my mom and sister will be fine with it. My brother, on the other hand, might want to cut off your balls. He threatened to do that to my college boyfriend when he broke up with me.”

John nods and squeezes Joe gently. “I’ll be on the alert for possible castration then.”

Joe laughs and reaches for his phone to do a quick pre-bedtime check of Instagram, and scrolls through the most recent posts until he sees a photo posted by Ben. He chuckles and shows it to John, who smiles warmly.

It’s a photo of six empty plates from after their meal earlier this evening, with the caption: 

 _Amazing_ _evening_ _with_ _the_ _best_ _people_. _Love_ _these_ _guys_ _to_ _the_ _moon_ _and_ _back_ @ _mrgwilymlee_ @ _ramimalek_ @ _lucyboynton1_ @ _joe_ _ _mazzello_ _and_ _JRD_


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Joe enjoy the first few months of Joe’s pregnancy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who don’t follow me on Tumblr, you’ll have noticed that this fic will now be 11 chapters long. This is because this chapter turned out to be so massive that I wasn’t happy with the pacing, so I decided to split it into two chapters. So this fic will run for an extra week, which I’m hoping you won’t mind! 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Tumblr: @bohemian-rhapsody-slash

For the first few months of his pregnancy, Joe attempts to split his time evenly between New York and London, but the travelling makes him so unwell that he has to start staying put in one city for longer periods.

Luckily, John seems less willing to be apart from Joe now that he’s pregnant, and they agree that where possible they’ll stay together and simply alternate spending time in each city. It’s means they both get to spend longer periods at home while getting to stay together, but Joe knows it’s only a temporary solution. He knows that when the baby is born they won’t be able to live like this; they’ll have to settle in one place. Joe hasn’t had the courage to bring it up yet, and the truth is he wants _John_ to be the one to bring it up. Joe knows that he wants to live with John, but there’s still a small part of him that questions whether John wants the same thing.

Joe also knows that leaving New York to live half way around the world probably wouldn’t be received well by his family.

He has to admit he’s a little surprised by how excited his Mom and his sister are for the baby. He’d been worried that he’d receive a stern lecture about being irresponsible by having a child with a man who he’s known for less than a year and who’s so much older than him. But the women in his family seem to take the news rather well. When Joe and John have dinner with them for the first time at his Mom’s house, neither of them can keep their hands off Joe’s stomach.

“You’ll start showing soon,” his Mom says proudly, patting his stomach gently. “People who don’t know you probably can’t tell, but it’s obvious to me that you’re expecting.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Joe laughs with a roll of his eyes. “I’m looking fat already, huh?”

“You’re _glowing_ , honey. You look beautiful. Don’t you think so, John?”

Both Joe’s lover and his brother look up at the mention of their name, neither of them sure which of them is being addressed.

“He looks knocked up,” John Mazzello eventually says, his tone a little clipped.

Joe frowns at him. He’d known his brother definitely hadn’t been as pleased for him as his Mom and his sister, and John had been sitting there with a sour expression for most of the evening, irritation radiating from him.

Mary elbows her brother in the ribs. “Say something nice, please.”

John sighs and rubs his eyes. “What do you want me to say? That I’m _happy_ to see Joe pregnant with the child of a man he met ten months ago? A man who’s older than our own late father-“

“ _John_ ,” Mary says warningly.

“Sorry,” John sighs, standing and grabbing his plate. He glances at John Deacon. “I’m sorry, man. Look, it’s nothing personal. You seem really nice, but I’d be this way with any seventy year old who got my brother pregnant-“

“He’s 67,” Joe interjects through gritted teeth, his blood boiling. He can take disapproval from the media, from the public, but from his own brother- it fucking _hurts_.

“As if three years makes any difference, Joe. Have you thought about the fact that you’re probably gonna be a widower by the time you’re forty?”

“We’re not married,” Joe says, his voice getting weaker. Because despite the fact they’re not married, it _is_ something he’s thought about.

“That’s not the fucking point, Joe. You’re having a kid. A kid you’ll have to raise alone. You know I love you and I’ll support you, but I’m not gonna sit around and pretend to be happy about this.”

John grabs his plate and storms off to the kitchen, leaving the four of them sitting in stunned silence.

It’s only when Joe feels a warm hand on his that he realises he’s shaking.

“He’ll come around,” his Mom says softly, squeezing his hand. “You know much he loves you.” She reaches over to pat John’s knee. “I’m sorry about that, John. It’s been a very difficult few months for him, with his father-“

“I know,” John says softly, squeezing Virginia’s hand. “I understand. It’s a lot to take in. I’m really grateful for how supportive you’ve been.”

“You’re part of the family now,” Mary chips in. “Which means you get to see baby photos of Joe.”

“No,” Joe says firmly, but John is already grinning as Mary excitedly hunts for the photo albums. “Mary, no way.”

Mary is smiling innocently as she settles herself between John and Joe, opening up the thick book in her lap.

“These look very interesting,” John chuckles, pointing to some photos of a five year old Joe naked in the bath, as Joe groans and buries his face in John’s neck.

Despite the horrifying embarrassment he feels, Joe is grateful for the distraction from his brother’s outburst. Flicking through photos from his childhood and watching the smile on John’s face makes him feel a little better.

When they leave, Joe is at least heartened a little when his brother comes to say goodbye to them. He shakes John’s hand and apologises for his behaviour, and although Joe can sense how forced it is, he decides it’s a tiny step forward nonetheless.

His Mom’s smile as she kisses his cheek and rubs his stomach makes the thought of leaving New York even more heartbreaking.

******

They’re in London when Joe has his first scan.

He’s been looking forward to this for _weeks_. Ever since he found out he was pregnant, all Joe’s been thinking about is the first time he would get to see his child. He’d excitedly asked John whether they could visit the doctor a little before the twelve week mark, but the older man had just chuckled at Joe’s eagerness and told him there wouldn’t be much to see before twelve weeks.

“It will still be very small,” John says gently as Joe undresses and pulls on a flimsy hospital gown. “And the scan might take a little while, so you’ll have to be patient.”

“I’m always patient.” Joe sticks his tongue out as he lets John help him up on to the examination table.

“Of course.” John pecks Joe on the lips. “You’ll need to take your underwear off, lovely lad. The doctor will want to examine you.”

“Oh, right.” Joe shimmies out of his underwear. “You really know how to get a guy out of his underpants, huh? Maybe I should ask _you_ to examine me.”

“Later,” John promises, kissing Joe’s ear.

By the time the doctor finally arrives, Joe’s impatience has manifested itself in him biting his fingernails. John gently takes hold of his hand and squeezes it as the doctor introduces himself.

“Hello, Joe. I’m Dr Fielder,” the man says with a smile, pulling on some latex gloves. “Are you excited to meet your baby?”

“Very,” Joe says eagerly.

“Lovely. Well we’ll get started with your scan in just a minute- I just need to examine you first and check everything’s as it should be. Can you lie down and put your legs in the stirrups for me, Joe?”

Joe does as he’s told, the excitement overriding any embarrassment or awkwardness he might usually feel in this kind of situation.

“It’s nice that you managed to bring someone with you,” Dr Fielder says as he drizzles lube over his fingers, smiling at John. “Your dad?”

Joe sees John’s smile twitch.

“Not _my_ dad,” Joe laughs awkwardly, reaching out to squeeze his lover’s arm reassuringly. “This is John, _the_ dad.”

“Oh.” Dr Fielder turns red. “I’m terribly sorry. My mistake.”

“It’s okay,” Joe laughs. “I get why you would think that.”

Dr Fielder gives John a warm smile. “Congratulations, John. You must be very excited.”

John’s smile returns. “I am, yes. We both are.”

“Well, let’s get this part over with so you can meet your baby. Joe, I’m just going to gently put my finger inside you and have a feel around to check everything’s as it should be, ok?”

“Sure,” Joe says, taking a deep breath.

Dr Fielder takes a seat between Joe’s open legs, and Joe squeezes John’s hand as he feels the familiar burn of intrusion. There’s nothing remotely sexy or erotic about it, unlike when John does this to him.

“Any issues so far?” Dr Fielder asks, moving his finger gently. “Unusual pain or bleeding?”

“No,” Joe says. “A little spotting, but John says that’s normal?”

“It is. Some light spotting in the first few months is perfectly normal.”

“He’s also been sick a lot,” John adds. “My ex-wife never had morning sickness this bad during any of her pregnancies.”

“That’s also quite normal,” Dr Fielder says reassuringly. “It really varies from person to person. Everything feels and looks normal down here though, which is good news.”

The doctor gently removes his finger, before changing his gloves for a fresh pair. “Alright, Joe, lets have a proper look at your baby now.”

Joe can barely feel himself breath as the doctor helps him lift his gown and places a sheet over his waist. He shivers a little as some cool gel is squirted on his stomach, and John gives him an encouraging smile.

They make comfortable small talk as Dr Fielder runs the probe over Joe’s stomach to build the image. Joe gets more and more impatient with each passing minute; he hadn’t realised that building the scan would take so long. He listens as the doctor asks John what he does for a living, smiling when John simply says he’s retired. Dr Fielder clearly isn’t a Queen fan. 

It seems to take forever to finish the scan; the doctor tells them that the baby is in an odd position which is making it more difficult, but finally Dr Fielder smiles at the screen.

“Okay, here we go. Are you ready to meet your baby?”

Joe finds himself holding his breath as the the doctor pulls the monitor forwards and turns the screen towards them.

“Look, Joe,” John says softly, pointing at the fuzzy image. “There’s our baby.”

_Our baby._

Joe can hear his own heartbeat thumping in his ears as he looks at his child for the first time. The thing on the screen is so tiny but already so beautiful. It’s his _child_. His child who isn't even here yet and he already wants to protect them, he already wants to keep them safe-

“Are you alright, love?” John asks gently, and it’s only then that Joe realises he’s crying.

“Yeah,” Joe laughs, wiping his tears. “Oh my god. That’s our baby.”

Joe is still grinning from ear to ear when they get home later that afternoon, and he can’t stop staring at the picture the doctor had given them. He sticks it to John’s fridge with a magnet, taking a seat at the breakfast bar to stare at it in awe. He must sit there for about twenty minutes, memorising every shape, every curve, every fuzzy line.

_That’s his baby._

He snaps a photo of it and sends it to his Mom and the BoRhap WhatsApp group. He wants the entire world to see his beautiful baby.

“How would you feel about me putting this on Instagram?” Joe asks when John kisses the back of his neck.

John chuckles. “You know, if you’d asked me six months ago if I wanted a scan of my baby on social media, I would have said no. But I suppose sooner or later the media are going to find out about this, and I’d rather we were in control of telling the world. I don’t want the Daily Mail announcing your pregnancy.”

Joe turns his head to kiss the older man on the lips. “Is that a yes?”

John laughs. “That’s a yes, cheeky thing.”

Joe pulls John into a deeper kiss as he feels the older man rub his stomach, marvelling at the life that’s growing inside him. The life they created together.

They end up making love on the kitchen floor, despite John protesting about his back, and when they’re done, Joe uploads the photo to Instagram with a simple caption.

_Looking forward to dirty diapers, sleepless nights, and endless love. Can’t wait to meet Baby Deacon <3_

*****

Of course, despite the fact that John and Joe don’t even _attempt_ to keep the pregnancy secret, the press still have a field day with the announcement.

Joe glances through a few of the articles that appear online the next day, but he can barely get through the Daily Mail’s report without rolling his eyes at every other sentence.

_Jurassic Park actor Joe Mazzello, 34, announced on his Instagram account yesterday that he is expecting a baby with former Queen bass guitarist John Deacon, 67._

_Mazzello is understood to have met the millionaire musician in late 2017 on the set of Queen biopic Bohemian Rhapsody, in which he portrays Deacon. The pair were spotted kissing outside a lavish Kensington restaurant in June, and shortly afterwards Mazzello confirmed their romantic relationship on social media. Deacon has since been seen treating his toy boy lover to expensive meals and gifts, and has frequently been spotted with Mazzello in both London and New York._

_This will be Deacon’s seventh child after Robert (43), Michael (40), Laura (39), Joshua (35), Luke (25) and Cameron (24). He also has several grandchildren._

 

Joe gives up reading halfway through because it’s only making him progressively more angry, and decides to actively avoid any media articles reporting on his pregnancy. He does, however, read through some of the comments on his Instagram post, smiling as he sees all the messages of congratulations. As usual, the ones from his friends make him smile the most.

_mrgwilymlee Ready for godfather duties! Congratulations mate :)_

_brianmayforreal Congratulations Joe and John! Rog and I are very excited to meet Baby Deacon and the newest addition to the Queen family x_

_benhardy1 When are you gonna tell John that I’m really the father? ;)_

 

There are, however, other comments that catch Joe’s eye for a different reason.

_elliosaym Gross wtf John is a grandfather_

_kiraallard This poor kid is gonna have to deal with one of his parents dying at a really young age, I hope you’ve thought about that_

_frieeedchickken hm I wonder why you are dating this 67 year old MILLIONAIRE?_

_rogerinalives When your sugar daddy accidentally gets you pregnant WHOOPS_

 

“Joe? Are you alright?”

The sofa dips as John takes a seat next to Joe, and it’s only then that Joe realises he’s crying.

“Yeah,” Joe lies, wiping his eyes and tossing his phone to the side. “Sorry. Hormones.”

“You look like you could use a cuddle,” John says softly, wrapping an arm around the younger man and pulling him close.

Joe buries his face in John’s sweater, feeling comforted by the familiar scent and the warm arms around him. When he closes his eyes though, all he can see is those comments dancing across the backs of his eyelids.

“You poor thing.” John strokes the younger man’s hair gently. “We’ll have to make sure you get plenty of cuddles over the next few months, won’t we?”

Joe nods, already feeling safe and warm and protected.

“I love you,” Joe says, but it comes out as a muffled mumble against John’s chest.

John chuckles and kisses Joe’s hair. “I love you too, sweetheart.” He strokes the gentle curve of Joe’s stomach.

Joe doesn’t know why he even let those comments get to him.

He knows this is the man he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

******

Just two weeks later, Joe finds himself in a sadly familiar situation, saying goodbye to John at the airport.

Instead of going back to New York though, Joe is heading off on the BoRhap press tour. He’s been looking forward to the press tour for months; it’s the first real opportunity for him to spend quality time with his friends since filming ended. That doesn’t make leaving John any easier though, and now that the moment’s here, Joe finds himself feeling surprisingly anxious.

“It’s just a few weeks, love,” John says softly, caressing Joe’s cheek. “We’ve been apart for this length of time before.”

“Yeah, but I’m _pregnant_ ,” Joe whines. “Who’s gonna rub my back or get me the snacks I’m craving at 3AM?”

“The boys will take care of you.” John nods at Gwil and Ben, who are checking their luggage in. “I’ve already briefed them on your favourite snacks. Gwil has reluctantly volunteered to take on back rub duty.”

“I’m still gonna miss you like crazy.”

“I’ll miss you too.” John gives the younger man a chaste kiss on the lips. “Both of you.” He gently rubs one hand over Joe’s small bump, barely noticeable beneath the large hoodie he’s wearing.

Joe isn’t sure if it’s the hormones or if it’s because he knows he’s about to be separated from John, but he buries his face in John’s shirt, squeezing the older man tightly. Gwil and Ben eventually manage to gently ease Joe away from his lover, consoling him by showing him all the snacks they bought for the plane journey.

Joe waves to John sadly as his friends guide him towards security, and tries to focus instead on all the amazing places he’s going to get to visit.

The tour, as Joe predicted, turns out to be utterly exhausting. He would find it tiring even if he weren’t pregnant, but being constantly sick and dizzy every day just makes the whole thing so much more difficult. He enjoys getting to spend so much time with Rami, Gwil and Ben, and he does enjoy himself, but it’s fucking hard work.

He speaks to John every day, reassuring his lover that he’s eating properly and getting enough sleep.

“You look tired, love,” John comments worriedly one night over FaceTime when Joe calls him from Madrid.

“It’s hard work,” Joe yawns. “But the boys are taking good care of me.”

“Here’s your damn ice cream,” Ben says, planting a tub of Rocky Road in front of Joe. “Do you know how hard it was to find that particular flavour? Nearly impossible. The things I do for you, preggers. Hey, John!” He bends down and waves at Joe’s phone.

“Hello, Ben. How are you?”

“Great! Yeah, we’re having a great time. Just been doing a late night snack run for your boyfriend.”

The three of them chat for a little while, and once they say goodnight to John, the loneliness suddenly hits Joe again.

Joe tugs Ben’s sleeve when he gets up to leave, pulling him back into the bed. “Ditch Gwil and stay with me tonight?”

Ben rolls his eyes. “You want me to spend the night with you instead of my hot boyfriend who's promised me a good dicking?”

Joe pouts and bats his eyes.

Ben rolls his eyes again. “You and your pregnant charm, Mazzello. You know I can’t say no to a pregnant person.”

He texts Gwil to let him know his plans, and Joe is glad he has someone to cuddle up to in bed, even if it isn't his first choice.

The constant stream of interviews over the next few days is just as draining as the travel. At first Joe enjoys talking about his time making the movie, but it starts to get _very_ repetitive very quickly. He finds himself answering the same questions about how he felt getting the role, what it was like learning to play bass, what his first memory of Queen was-

He’s actually surprised that they manage to get through most of the European leg of the tour without him being asked about the baby or his relationship with John. Joe wonders whether the producers have briefed the interviewers not to mention it, as the first time he’s asked about it isn’t until they get to France.

They’re about ten minutes into an interview, the four of them squashed onto a tiny couch together. They’ve done a few introductory questions, and they’ve now moved on to what it was like to meet the members of Queen. Gwil ends up gushing about Brian for nearly ten minutes, until the interviewer turns to Joe.

“Now Joe, would it be fair to say, that out of everyone here, you were the closest with your real-life counterpart?”

There’s a noticeable tension that suddenly fills the air; Joe can sense Ben stiffening next to him, and there seems to be a feeling of awkwardness radiating from the couch. But the interviewer is smiling warmly, and her tone seems genuine, so Joe decides to take the question in good faith.

He laughs and strokes the noticeable curve of his tiny bump. “Yeah, I think it would be fair to say we became pretty close.”

The interviewer and the rest of the boys laugh, and Joe can feel some of the tension start to disappear as his friends see how relaxed he is.

“What was it like meeting John? I understand he was less involved with the movie than Brian or Roger, but did he still support you with the role or with your bass playing?”

“He did, yeah.” Joe smiles at the memory. “John actually only came to the set once, quite late into filming. So I met him later than Gwil met Brian or Ben met Roger, but we sat down and had a really nice long talk, and he was amazingly helpful with answering all my questions. He did offer to help me with my bass playing, and we actually met up at his house a couple of times for some coaching, which was invaluable.”

“Helped you with your bass playing?” Ben laughs. “Is that what they’re calling it these days?”

There’s another round of laughter, and Joe finds himself blushing.

“I wouldn’t possibly know what you mean by that,” Joe quips back, stroking his bump again.

The interviewer smiles. “Was he what you expected when you first met him?”

Joe grins. “Yes and no. It’s funny you know, when you’re playing someone who’s real, you do all this research and you watch footage of them and interviews with them and you build up this picture in your head of what they’re like. But of course that’s only half the picture. That’s their public persona. So when I actually spoke to John and spent time with him, I saw all the things I expected to see, but he also constantly surprised me. I have a far better idea of who he is as a person now.”

The interviewer nods. “Well, it’s great to hear that you managed to get that insight for your performance. And congratulations, by the way.” She smiles and gestures at his stomach.

“Thank you,” Joe says softly. “We’re very excited.”

“This will be the first Bohemian Rhapsody baby?”

“It will be,” Joe says proudly, grinning at his cast mates. “I’m the winner in that field.”

Gwil pats Ben’s thigh. “We’ve got some catching up to do.”

The interviewer laughs. “You guys aren’t planning on having a baby anytime soon?”

“Not for the time being.” Ben grins at Joe. “We’re just waiting for the inevitable invitation to be godparents to Baby Deacon.”

“What about you, Rami? Any plans for you and Lucy to start a family?”

Rami laughs. “Not right now. We’re very focussed on work at the moment.”

The rest of the interview passes comfortably, and it’s actually ends up being Joe’s favourite interview from the tour so far.

He rubs his hand over his stomach, mentally counting down the days until he’ll get to see John.

******

Before they embark on the US leg of the press tour, they’re given a couple of weeks off, which Joe is incredibly happy about because it means he gets to spend his birthday in London with John.

John greets them at the airport when they arrive at Heathrow, grinning when Joe throws himself into the older man’s arms.

“Hello, trouble,” John chuckles, kissing Joe firmly on the lips. “You're definitely looking bigger.”

“I _feel_ bigger,” Joe laughs. “And it’s all your fault, Mr Deacon.”

“It’s a little my fault too,” Ben chips in, giving John a quick hug. “I fed him a lot of ice cream.”

“And crisps,” Gwil adds, also giving John a hug. “Don’t worry, we made him eat lots of fruit and veg too.”

John smiles at them affectionately. “Thanks for looking after him, lads. I appreciate you keeping an eye on him.”

“Anytime.” Ben claps Joe on the shoulder. “Have a good birthday, mate. See you soon.”

Joe’s been _really_ looking forward to his birthday because it’s the first birthday in years he’s been able to spend with a boyfriend. He’d told John he’d be really happy to have a quiet day at home, but John seems to have other plans when Joe’s birthday actually rolls around.

John wakes Joe up by tugging the younger man’s underwear down his hips, throwing Joe’s legs over his shoulders, and proceeding to eat out his ass in a rather enthusiastic manner. The older man fucks him slowly, leaving Joe writhing and gripping the sheets as the pleasure washes over him. They don’t get out of bed until gone noon, and they end up taking a lazy shower together.

“Put something nice on,” John grins as he slowly jacks Joe off under the warm spray. “I’m taking you out this afternoon.”

“Where?” Joe asks excitedly, letting out a loud moan as John swipes his thumb over the head of the younger man’s dick.

John chuckles and kisses Joe’s neck. “You’ll see.”

Joe’s discovered that he’s started to struggle to fit into most of his clothes as of late, but he manages to find one of his larger sweaters that he’d bought fairly recently, and a dark pair of jeans that look smart but are still comfortable.

John gives him an appreciative look, and Joe can’t help but think the older man looks ridiculously handsome in a button up shirt and a suit jacket.

Joe can barely contain his excitement throughout the entire cab ride, desperately trying to prise clues from John about where they’re going, but the older man remains tight-lipped. When they pull up outside The Shard, Joe is practically scrambling to get out of the taxi.

“ _The Shard_? Oh my god, John, is this where we’re going? Are we going up to the top? I bet the views are spectacular-“

“You’ve never been, have you?” John asks as he guides Joe into the lobby.

“Never,” Joe says excitedly, taking in his surroundings as they climb into an elevator. “Ben always said it’s got the best views in London.”

As the elevator starts to speed towards the top, Joe can only look out in awe as they climb above the London skyline. New York will always have a fond place in his heart, but there’s something about London that just sends shivers down his spine. When they exit the elevator, John guides him towards a restaurant at the other end of the floor.

“I hear you’re quite the fan of afternoon tea,” John whispers in Joe’s ear, rubbing the small of his back.

Joe’s eyes widen and he can feel himself grinning from ear to ear. “Is that what we’re here for? Afternoon tea? Oh my god, it is, isn’t it? We’re having afternoon tea at The Shard! This is so incredible. Who told you I love afternoon tea?”

“Ben,” John chuckles. “I asked him what you might like to do for your birthday, and he said you used to try and convince everyone to go out for afternoon tea all the time during filming.”

It’s the most wonderfully peaceful and relaxing afternoon that Joe’s had in ages.

They have the most incredible view of London, and Joe can barely take his eyes off the city below them as they enjoy finger sandwiches and scones and delicate cakes.

“This is the best thing about the British,” Joe sighs happily, rubbing his bump and feeling wonderfully full. “You guys know how to make stuffing yourself with cake super civilised.”

John laughs. “Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it. Are you ready for your presents now?”

“ _Presents_? Plural?”

John smiles nervously, before fumbling in his pockets and pulling out two small square boxes, wrapped neatly in purple wrapping paper. He slides the slightly larger one across the table towards Joe. “Open that one first.”

Joe takes hold of the box, giving it a gentle shake, before delicately tearing the paper off. He opens the box carefully, and stares at the contents, confused.

“It’s a...key?”

John nods. “It’s a key to my house. I mean, we’ll probably want to think about moving somewhere slightly bigger when the baby is born, but for now I was hoping you might consider living in Putney with me.”

Joe stares at the brass key for a moment, his blood roaring in his ears, before meeting John’s eyes. “You want me to live with you? Now?”

John bites his lip, the nervousness returning. “You being away for the press tour reminded me of how much I hate it when we’re apart. I know that these days we tend to stay together and just commute between London and New York, but we won’t be able to do that when the baby’s here, and I want to be there to support you as much as possible. I want us all to be together. You’ve always said how much you love London and how it feels like home for you, so I thought maybe...you might want to live here with me? I know you’d have to leave your mum and your siblings, so if you’d prefer to stay in New York, we can talk about how we can make that work-“

“Yes,” Joe says quickly.

John raises an eyebrow. “Yes?”

“Yes, I’ll stay here with you in London. I want to be with you too and I want our baby to be part of a family.”

John smiles. “Are you sure?”

Joe reaches across the table to squeeze John’s hand. “Yes, I’m sure. It’ll be tough leaving New York, but I love London, and I couldn’t ask you to leave all your kids and grandkids here. Living here with you would make me really happy.” Joe’s smile falters a little. “Although, we’ll have to think about how we do this legally. As a US citizen my visa only lets me stay in the UK for six months in any twelve month period.”

John squeezes Joe’s hand back. “You can apply for indefinite leave to remain in the UK.” He slides the second, smaller box towards Joe. “If you’re married to a British citizen.”

Joe stares at the box, his heart pounding in his chest.

_Oh shit._

“Open it,” John says softly.

Joe pulls it towards him slowly with trembling fingers, his hands numb as he attempts to unwrap it. It’s a gorgeous velvet box, and his stomach is full of butterflies as he opens it.

The ring is gorgeous. It’s a simple silver band with a beautiful diamond set in the middle; big enough to make Joe’s heart skip a beat, but small enough to still be tasteful.

Joe feels as though he can’t breathe.

“This isn’t just about getting you legal rights to live here,” John says gently, carefully removing the ring from the box, and taking Joe’s hand in his. “I’m in love with you, Joe. I know we’ve only known each other for just under a year, and we’ve been a couple for less than five months, but I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I feel so much happier when I’m with you. I’ve started writing music again because of you. I’ve spent the last 25 years wasting away and being so lonely...and you’ve shown me how to be happy and live life again. And now we’re having a baby and I feel like this is a fresh start for me.”

Joe blinks through his tears, and smiles at John warmly. “Ask me the question.”

John smiles back and takes a deep breath, squeezing Joe’s hand. “Joseph Francis Mazzello, will you marry me?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Joe says immediately. “Yes I will.”

He’s crying as John slips the ring onto his finger, and they lean forward to share a soft kiss. They’re in a fairly intimate corner of the restaurant, so no one seems to be paying them much attention, but Joe is desperate for them to be somewhere more private.

“Let’s get out of here,” Joe says quietly. “I want to thank you properly for my incredible birthday presents.”

When they get home, they end up fucking enthusiastically in bed, and despite feeling painfully full and obviously pregnant, Joe actually _feels_ sexy as he bounces on John’s cock while the older man’s eyes rake over him. John’s hands caress the curve of Joe’s stomach, and Joe places his left hand on top of John’s, marvelling at the way the diamond glints against their naked skin.

They lay in each other’s arms afterwards, exchanging soft kisses and talking about their plans for Joe moving in.

Joe snaps a photo of his left hand, and sends it to the BoRhap WhatsApp group, his mom and his sister, with the following message:

_Best birthday ever!!!! <3_

*****

Joe wakes up the next morning to a flood of messages and congratulations on his phone, grinning as he holds up his left hand to admire his ring again.

It still feels like an amazing dream. He presses a kiss to John’s jaw, careful not to disturb his sleeping lover. It still hasn’t quite sunk in that this man wants to spend the rest of his life with Joe. This man wants to be his _husband_.

Joe grabs his phone and scrolls through his messages again, smiling as he reads them properly.

His mom and sister are thrilled, already insisting that they want to be involved with the wedding plans, and his friends also seem incredibly excited. He laughs out loud when he reads Ben’s message in the WhatsApp group.

_Ben J OMFG congratulations buddy!!! So happy for you :D Gwil- look at the size of that diamond and take note please_

Grinning, Joe uploads the photo of his ring to Instagram and types out a caption:

_Thanks for all the birthday wishes- I had the most incredible day. Something feels different today, but I can’t quite put my finger on it... #FutureJosephDeacon_

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Joe work through the final few months of Joe’s pregnancy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies this is a day late, but hopefully it’s worth the wait! 
> 
> Warning for depictions of childbirth (no complications though). 
> 
> Tumblr: @bohemian-rhapsody-slash

“You lucky bastard,” Ben says in awe, his eyes wide as he examines the ring on Joe’s left hand. “Look at the size of that fucking diamond! Are you looking, Gwilym?”

“Don’t go getting any ideas,” Gwil snorts as he flicks through a magazine. “I’m not a rockstar millionaire, remember. You’ll get a pebble if you’re lucky.” He clears his throat. “ _I’m just a poor boy from a poor family_ -“

Ben throws a packet of peanuts at his boyfriend to silence him, before adjusting his plane seat to make himself more comfortable. “Now Joseph, I want the whole story. Don’t leave anything out. We’ve got a nine hour flight ahead of us and I want all the juicy gossip.”

Joe adjusts his blanket over himself and kicks off his sneakers so he can deposit his feet in Ben’s lap. “You can have the story, but I’m getting a foot rub.”

He sips on a bottle of orange juice as he talks them both through the events of his birthday, glancing down at his engagement ring every now and then. The words sound funny coming out of his mouth- _and then John asked me to marry him_ \- as if he’s telling his friends about a dream he had last night instead of something that _actually happened_. He still can’t quite believe that John asked him to _marry_ him. He knows he’s rambling and probably focusing on minor details far too much, but Ben listens intently, interrupting to ask questions and make comments here and there.

“So have you set a date?” Ben asks when Joe finishes his monologue, rubbing the heel of Joe’s foot.

“Not yet.” Joe strokes his bump. “We talked about it briefly, but I don’t think we’ll get married until after the baby is born. I don’t really wanna be all pregnant and uncomfortable on my wedding day. The baby’s due in April, so at the moment we’re thinking maybe summer? That gives me a few months to lose some baby weight.”

“I call Best Man,” Gwil says, not looking up from his magazine.

“Piss off.” Ben grabs the magazine from his boyfriend and tosses it aside. “I’ve done loads more ice cream runs for him than you have.”

“Guys,” Joe laughs. “That’s still a little way away yet. I don’t even know how I’d begin to choose from all the important men in my life.”

Gwil and Ben spend most of the rest of the flight playfully bickering about which of them would make the better Best Man. Joe ends up sticking his headphones on after twenty minutes and attempts to get some sleep, but this soon becomes impossible when he has to get up and use the bathroom every half an hour. By the time they land, he’s utterly exhausted, and he only manages to have a very brief catch up with Rami when they get to the hotel before he collapses in bed.

The US leg of the tour is a lot more exhausting than the European leg. Joe seems to be throwing up every day again, and it gets to the point where he’s so unwell that he has to miss a couple of interviews. In the interviews he _is_ able to attend, he’s tired and irritable and the others can clearly sense he’s not himself. He tries his best to put on a cheerful face when people congratulate him on the engagement and the baby, but it all seems like so much _effort_ , and answering the same questions over and over is incredibly draining.

Joe’s castmates are wonderfully patient with him. They take it in turns to stay with him in his hotel room each night, and Rami manages to find some dry potato snacks which Joe can keep down and settle his stomach a little. There are days when Joe feels too shitty to even call John, and he’s grateful when Gwil or Ben offer to call John for him to update him so that he doesn’t get worried. Joe feels completely taken care of, and he knows the only reason John hasn’t demanded to speak to him is because he trusts how well the boys are taking care of Joe.

Joe is disappointed in himself for not being able to give the press tour his best, but the truth is he really just wants to be back home. The hormones are making him miss John and London, and the smallest thing that reminds him of home can set him off crying.

The rest of the tour seems to pass by in a blur of sickness and exhaustion, and by the end of it Joe is absolutely miserable. He spends most of the flight back to London with his head in Ben’s lap while Gwil strokes his hair, but the thought of seeing John again makes his cock twitch. He’s spent the majority of this trip sexually frustrated too; his hormones seem to keep him semi-aroused most of the time, and that’s just made being away from John all the more difficult.

So he perks up a little when they land, andGwil gently guides Joe through customs and the arrivals hall into John’s waiting arms.

“Hello, trouble,” John says gently, stroking Joe’s hair sympathetically as they share a chaste kiss. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” Joe sighs. He leans forward to whisper in John’s ear. “Also horny.”

“I heard that,” Gwil says teasingly as he stacks his and Ben’s luggage on a trolley.

John turns slightly red. “Well we can take care of that when we get home.” He places a hand on Joe’s bump. “And how is Tiny Trouble?”

“Keeping me awake all night and generally being a pain.”

John chuckles. “Sounds like someone I know.”

Joe feels physically and mentally exhausted but that doesn’t stop him from tearing off his clothes the minute he gets home. He can feel John’s eyes studying him in more detail than usual- they linger for a little longer on his small bump, and on his ass (which Joe knows for a fact has _definitely_ gotten bigger). For a split second it makes Joe want to put his clothes back on- he knows his usually slim figure is gone and he’s only going to get bigger. But then John licks his lips, and there’s a hungry look in his eyes, and Joe knows he doesn’t have to worry about what his husband-to-be thinks of his appearance.

The way John kneads his ass and gently strokes Joe’s bump as the younger man rides him erases any doubts from his mind.

When they’re lying in each other’s arms afterwards, sweaty and exhausted, Joe decides to use John’s good mood as an opportunity to broach the subject of the premiere.

“It could be fun,” Joe says softly, stroking John’s chest and pressing kisses to his collarbone. “Everyone will be there. People would be so thrilled if you were there, John. I know it would mean a lot to Brian and Roger.”

 _And me_ , Joe thinks.

John sighs and strokes Joe’s back. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, love.”

Joe kisses the older man softly. “People have missed you so much. Your fans have missed you. This will be such an important night for Queen. You should be there. Don’t you think that’s what Freddie would have wanted?”

John stiffens, and Joe instantly regrets saying that last sentence.

“Please don’t say that,” John says, voice impossibly soft. “Please don’t use him against me.”

“I’m sorry.” Joe squeezes John’s middle. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” John replies, kissing Joe’s hair. “But I’m just not ready. This is nothing to do with our relationship. I just can’t face being in the public spotlight again.”

“Of course,” Joe says, trying to hide his disappointment.

They lay in silence for a few minutes, and Joe feels as though there’s a heavy weight in the air between them. The weight of Freddie Mercury.

John lifts Joe’s left hand and gazes at his engagement ring for a moment. “Did I ever tell you that Freddie asked me to marry him once?”

“No.” Joe blinks, unsure of how to respond. “I didn’t know that.”

“Not many people do. He asked me after my pregnancy scare. He bought me a ring and everything, which was a big deal, because we weren’t making much money back then. He thought asking me to marry him would solve our problems. He thought he could talk himself into wanting what I wanted- a marriage and children and a quiet life.” John’s voice is thick, and he doesn’t meet Joe’s eyes.

Joe strokes the older man’s jaw. “You said no, though.”

John nods. “I said no.” He looks at Joe now, his eyes wet with tears. “I know that saying no to Freddie is the reason I have an amazing family and my wonderful kids. I know that the reason I have you and the baby is because of Bohemian Rhapsody, which would never have been made if it weren’t for Freddie dying.” John chokes a little on the word _dying_. “But sometimes I wonder...”

John hesitates, wiping his eyes.

“What?” Joe encourages gently. “Tell me.”

John bites his lip. “Sometimes I wonder if Freddie would still be here if I agreed to marry him. Maybe we could have had a happy marriage together and raised a family.”

“Don’t do that to yourself,” Joe says immediately. “Don’t torture yourself over what could have been. Yeah, maybe there’s a universe out there where you and Freddie have a long happy marriage and grow old together. But you wouldn’t have any of your kids.”

John smiles sadly. “Everything good in my life that I have now, I only have because of Freddie’s suffering.”

“He loved you, John. So much. You know that all he ever wanted was for you to be happy. He would be proud to see you now- living life and being happy.”

John pulls Joe close, nearly suffocating the younger man in a death grip against his chest. Joe lays his head on John’s chest and rests his left hand above the older man’s heart, staring at his engagement ring until he falls asleep.

*****

The premiere still turns out to be a fun night, despite the fact that John refuses to come and Joe thinks he looks awful in his suit (and contemplates the fact this will probably be the last time he can actually _wear_ a suit). John of course tells him he looks beautiful though, stroking the curve of Joe’s bump before sending him on his way.

Joe is incredibly excited, but he still can’t help but feel disappointed that he’s the only one there without his partner. Brian and Roger are happily posing for the cameras side by side when he arrives with Gwil and Ben, as are Rami and Lucy. Gwil holds out his arm for Ben as they’re about to walk up the purple carpet together, and Joe is half-contemplating trying to avoid the carpet altogether, when Gwil holds his other arm out for him.

“Come on, preggers,” Gwil laughs, his eyes soft. “You didn’t think we’d make you walk up the purple carpet on your own, did you?”

Joe has never felt such affection for his friends as he happily takes Gwil’s arm and allows the taller man to lead him up the carpet. The three of them stop and pose for photos as they go, occasionally diverting to talk to reporters. Joe is grateful that Gwil and Ben stay close to him, and while he does get a few odd questions about the baby, and his engagement, none of them stray into inappropriate territory. He also gets a few questions about why John isn’t there with him tonight, to which Joe simply gives his standard line about John being _supportive from afar_.

Overall though, it’s an amazing night, and when Joe watches himself onscreen he can’t help but feel proud. Its the first time he’s seen his performance in full, and he knows it’s definitely the best work he’s ever done. Watching himself as John seems rather bizarre now that they’re a couple though, and he can’t help but think he’s nowhere near as attractive as the real John Deacon.

He grins when the Another One Bites the Dust scene comes on, and he’s just about to nudge Ben and make a remark when he feels a little flutter in his stomach. He pauses, and as onscreen Joe starts playing the riff, the flutter returns, more persistent.

_His baby is kicking._

Adrenaline rushes through him as Joe silently grabs Ben’s hand with a grin and presses it against his bump. It’s difficult to see Ben’s expression in the dark, but he can tell the younger man is confused at first, and then he’s smiling as he realises what’s happening.

The two of them sit there for the rest of the movie with a hand each on Joe’s bump, feeling the movements of the baby in response to the music onscreen.

As they’re all pouring out of the movie theatre afterwards, Joe can’t stop grinning. He’s practically bouncing on his heels when Brian and Roger come over to see them all to congratulate them.

“You were amazing,” Brian grins, giving Joe a kiss on the cheek. “We’ll make sure Deaky gets a copy of the film so he can see how incredible you are.”

Brian’s praise is the cherry on top of a perfect night, and Joe spends the whole car ride home bouncing with energy.

The minute he gets home, he rushes to find John, smiling when he finds him watching Doctor Who on TV.

“Hey,” John says softly. “How was-“

He’s cut off by Joe’s lips on his as the younger man guides John’s hand to his bump.

John frowns for a moment, and then he freezes, his eyes widening. “Is that...?”

“Yep.” Joe beams. “That’s our baby kicking.”

John sits up excitedly and places his other hand on Joe’s bump too, feeling his stomach gently as the baby kicks.

“That’s our baby,” John says, his voice full of awe.

_Their baby._

Joe curls up beside John, and they sit there in silence with their hands on Joe’s bump.

It’s all starting to feel rather real now.

*****

They wait until December to start moving Joe’s things to London.

October and November are filled with more press interviews, and Joe ends up watching Bohemian Rhapsody enough times to last a lifetime.

The producers send John a copy of the movie to watch, but they don’t end up actually watching it until early December when they’re clearing Joe’s apartment out. They cuddle up on the sofa together, the only piece of furniture left in the living room, and watch the movie for the first time together surrounded by cardboard boxes and eating Chinese.

Joe resists the urge to make comments throughout; to tell John funny anecdotes about filming particular scenes or learning certain songs. He lets John take it all in quietly, squeezing the older man’s hand as he watches back moments from his life. Joe’s heart melts a little at the way John’s eyes fix on Rami in every scene.

“What do you think?” Joe asks softly when the movie finishes.

John looks at him, eyes wet. “It was perfect. Absolutely perfect.” He kisses Joe softly. “You were amazing. It was a bit eerie watching you because you were just so... _me_.”

“Mostly down to your help,” Joe giggles, kissing John’s cheek. “I couldn’t have been you without you.”

They make love in Joe’s apartment for the last time on the sofa, and it saddens Joe a little to see his home so bare the next morning, but it fills him with excitement for his life ahead with John.

They have dinner with Joe’s family before they leave New York, and he’s pleased when his brother decides to sit next to John and spends most of the evening talking to him. Joe can’t hear what they’re whispering about from the other end of the table, but the two men appear to have a very serious conversation at first, frowning and muttering quietly. It worries Joe a little, but after a few glasses of wine they’re laughing and joking, and it almost makes Joe forget about his brother’s outburst the last time they were here.

His mother and sister admire his engagement ring and ask him about the wedding plans, but he just tells them that he wants to wait until after the baby is born.

“I can’t believe my baby is leaving New York,” his mother says sadly. “You’ll be so far away.”

“I’ve been in London most of the time for the last eighteen months,” Joe laughs. “We’re just making it official now. Don’t worry, Mom. We’ll talk every day. I’ll come back and visit all the time when the baby is born.”

His Mom nods. “I’ll come and stay in London in the spring. I want to be around when my grandchild is born.”

Even though it’s really no different to when Joe has said goodbye to his family any other time he’s left to stay in London for a while, it definitely _feels_ different. He knows he’s not saying goodbye to New York forever, but he knows that the next time he’ll be back, he won’t be coming _home_. New York won’t be his home anymore.

It does make him a little sad as he hugs his family goodbye, and it breaks his heart when his mother starts crying. John has to gently peel him away, and on the plane the next day Joe barely says a word as he settles himself in John’s arms and avoids watching any in-flight movies that are set in New York.

*****

Joe hadn’t thought that living with John would be all that different to staying with him as a guest, but the added domesticity of it gives their whole relationship a very different feel.

Joe wakes up in John’s arms every morning without the countdown of his return to New York looming over him. He gets an odd thrill from doing grocery shopping and stocking John’s cupboards- _their_ cupboards- with food. He enjoys doing laundry and seeing his underwear tangled with John’s. He likes looking around the house and seeing his own belongings mixed in with his lover’s, as if Joe has always lived here. They fall into their life together so easily, and Joe just knows this is where he’s always meant to be.

Moving to London before Christmas does Joe some good in the sense that it keeps his mind off the fact that this is his first Christmas without his dad. He’s able to bake Christmas cookies and decorate the house and watch Elf without breaking down in tears every five minutes.

Veronica invites them both to dinner on Christmas Day, and Joe is grateful for the distraction of being around so many people.

Joe spends the entire afternoon being fawned over by the Deacon family- the whole family waits on him hand and foot and ask him questions about when him and John will get married, how he’s finding living in London, whether the baby is keeping him awake all night yet. Even Robert offers Joe a quiet _congratulations_ , and at dinner he jokingly refers to Joe as _mother_.

Cameron spends the whole afternoon plastered to Joe’s side, happily stroking Joe’s bump and feeling the baby kick.

“I’ve seen Bohemian Rhapsody six times,” Cameron says proudly. “It’s my new favourite film. I love it more than any Disney film I’ve ever seen.”

“That’s a big compliment coming from you,” John laughs, patting his son’s leg fondly.

Cameron smiles. “I think Joe deserves an Oscar.”

Joe feels so overwhelmed by the genuine compliments that he pulls Cameron into a hug. “Thanks, buddy. I’m really glad you liked it.”

The younger man pats Joe’s bump and grins when he feels the baby kick again. “I can’t wait to not be the youngest anymore. And I can’t wait to be your favourite step-son.”

Luke throws one of his nephew’s stuffed toys at Cameron’s head. “I think you’ll find I’ll be the favourite step-son. Isn’t that right, Mother Joe?”

Joe rolls his eyes playfully. “Not you too. I guess Robert’s nickname is gonna stick, huh?”

“Mother Joe,” Cameron giggles. “That’s cute.”

“Ugh.” Joe shoves Cameron gently with a laugh. “Traitor! Just don’t let the kids call me Grandmother Joe and I think I can live with it.”

Despite the fact Joe misses his dad terribly, it’s a really nice way to spend Christmas.

He doesn’t even resist when Joshua insists they all watch Jurassic Park, and allows himself to be sandwiched between Cameron and three of John’s grandchildren.

London is definitely starting to feel a lot more like home.

*****

Despite the fact that Joe is incredibly proud of Bohemian Rhapsody and thinks it’s a great movie, he’d honestly never thought it would pick up traction during awards season. It’s a fucking fantastic movie, but it didn't strike Joe as one that is traditionally loved by critics and snobby film academies.

Which is why he’s surprised when the nominations come flooding in. He’d had no doubt, of course, that Rami would receive a heap of nominations for his performance, because Rami is really at the top of his game here. But for the movie itself to be recognised in such a way is incredibly overwhelming, because Joe knows he was a part of creating that.

“I’m only going to LA if Rami gets an Oscar nomination,” Joe tells John after the Golden Globe nominations are announced.

He wants to go to the awards shows and celebrate with his friends, _of course_ he does, but he’s seven months pregnant, and the idea of travelling to LA and sitting through a series of four hour ceremonies fills him with dread. Besides, he’s done the Globes, and the SAGs, so he’s had that experience. So he tells himself that only an Academy Award nomination will get him to LA, because going to the Oscars _is_ kind of a dream of his.

Of course, Rami does get the Oscar nomination.

And so does the movie.

And when he speaks to Rami on the phone later that day, he somehow ropes himself in to going to _all_ the awards shows. Because he’s a supportive friend.

He does feel sorry for Gwil and Ben though, who have to listen to him complain and grumble throughout the whole flight to LA, _and_ when they land, _and_ when they get to the hotel.

The whole experience should have been incredible, but Joe ends up feeling miserable.

“I’m not gonna be able to wear a tux,” Joe sighs at dinner one night. “I’m gonna have to rent a maternity gown.”

The idea of wearing a dress to the awards shows had initially made Joe a little uneasy; men tend to only wear gowns to such functions when pregnant, and Joe would really rather _not_ draw attention to how huge he currently is. But Ben and Gwil insist he’ll look amazing, and they even come with him to talk to a couple of designers.

“You’ll get to be a lot more creative this way,” Ben says with a smile. “If you weren’t pregnant no one would notice what tux you wore to which event. You can wear a different gown to each show and you’ll look stunning.”

Joe still isn’t sure about it, and he’s full of nerves on the day of the Golden Globes when Ben helps him to get dressed into the long sleeved dark blue gown he’d chosen for this particular occasion.

He stares at himself in the mirror. It’s certainly way more comfortable than any tux would be, but Joe honestly hadn’t expected himself to look _good_ in it. He’s surprised by how well the gown seems to fit; it sweeps down to the floor to cover his feet, accentuating his bump without making him look humongous. It’s the first time in his pregnancy he’s actually felt somewhat attractive, _sexy_ even.

“You look beautiful,” Ben says gently, squeezing Joe’s hand. “Just think, John will be watching and he’ll see how gorgeous you look.”

Joe smiles and strokes his bump, his engagement ring standing out against the dark fabric.

He snaps a photo of himself in the mirror and sends it to John, who sends a message back two minutes later with simply a series of heart emojis.

It turns out that Joe actually _enjoys_ the attention on the red carpet. He’s grateful that Gwil once again chivalrously offers his arm and walks with both him and Ben. When they stop to talk to journalists, Joe finds himself blushing whenever his gown is complimented or he’s told he’s _glowing_. Gwil and Ben always remain close, and Joe is again grateful for their protective hovering.

The rest of the night seems to drag by though; the show is ridiculously long, and he has to go to the bathroom about ten times. Gwil has to help him out of his seat and help ease him back into it, and the baby starts kicking after the first hour. Of course it’s worth it though to see both Rami and the movie win.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Rami says at the after-party, looping an arm around Joe’s waist to pull him close, his award bumping against Joe’s hip. “I know you must be really uncomfortable right now, but it means so much to me that you’re here."

“Of course,” Joe says with a tired smile. “I’m so proud of you. I wouldn’t miss it for anything.”

The whole evening is utterly exhausting, and Joe finds himself settling into a quiet corner with Brian while Roger and Ben disappear to drink champagne, and Gwil and Rami busy themselves with talking to to members of the BoRhap crew.

“You look lovely this evening, Joe,” Brian says softly. “That gown is beautiful.”

“Thanks.” Joe smiles tiredly. “It’s super comfy. I was a little worried I’d be the only guy in a gown here tonight, but I saw a couple of other pregnant guys earlier.”

Brian chuckles. “Rog always used to worry about that too. He wore a few maternity gowns in his time to various music award shows when he was pregnant. He’d walk in with the biggest scowl on his face but he’d soon be joking and flirting the minute people started complimenting him.”

Joe sits and talks with Brian for a while, and when it gets to the point where Joe is struggling to stay awake, the older man offers to take him back to his hotel.

“You know that John not being here isn’t a reflection of his love for you?” Brian says when they’re outside Joe’s hotel room. “He’s always hated these kinds of public functions, even before he retired.”

“I know,” Joe says tiredly.

Brian pulls the younger man in for a hug. “Perhaps he’ll change his mind though. Maybe when he doesn’t have to travel so far. You might be able to persuade him to come to the BAFTAs, eh?”

“Maybe,” Joe says, not allowing himself to get his hopes up.

John definitely _can’t_ be persuaded to come to the BAFTAs though.

A few weeks later Joe finds himself batting his eyes and stroking his bump and twirling in his gown, but nothing can be done to change John’s mind.

“You’d make a pregnant man walk the red carpet alone?” Joe pouts.

John rolls his eyes playfully. “Gwil and Ben will be plastered to your side. You’ll have plenty of people looking out for you.” His eyes drink in the sight of the younger man. “And I’ll be waiting here for you- ready to help you out of that dress when you get home.”

The BAFTAs are slightly more enjoyable than the Golden Globes in that the baby doesn’t seem to be on a mission to kick Joe’s organs out of his body, but it’s still a rather exhausting night. He gets asked more questions on the red carpet about John’s wherabouts, and Gwil has to gently steer him away before he loses his temper. He starts to feel nauseous halfway through the ceremony, and he looks so miserable by the end of it that Gwil and Ben offer to take him home.

It doesn’t even cheer him up when John greets him by kissing him and lifting up his gown, rubbing one hand up his thigh.

“Mm,” John chuckles when his fingers reach Joe’s underwear. “Love it when you wear your maternity knickers.”

“They’re not _knickers_ ,” Joe says, flushing. “They’re maternity _briefs_.”

“Still love them.” John attempts to tug the underwear past Joe’s hips, but the younger man bats him away.

“Not tonight,” he says tiredly. “I’m not in the mood.”

John immediately backs off, but Joe can tell he’s hurt. He hadn’t intended for this to be a punishment for not coming with him tonight; he genuinely is tired, but he can understand how John might interpret it as such.

John gives him his space in bed, and Joe sighs and stares at his engagement ring as the baby starts kicking again.

*****

Three days before the Oscars, Joe has a mini breakdown.

The baby had been kicking all night, leaving him painfully exhausted and in the most foul mood.

“I’m not going back to LA,” Joe announces dramatically over breakfast, tears in his eyes. “I feel fucking awful and I’m not going back to sit through four hours of boring shit.”

“Four hours of boring shit?” John squeezes Joe’s hand. “It’s the _Oscars_ , Joe. You’ve been talking about this for weeks. You’re so excited; you’ve got to go. When will you ever get this chance again?”

“Are you saying I’m never gonna work on another Oscar nominated movie again?”

“You know that’s not what I’m saying, love. This is your last proper chance to be with your castmates as a big group and celebrate what you’ve achieved together. You deserve this, Joe.”

“Come with me,” Joe blurts out, blinking back tears.

John frowns.

“You don’t have to come to the Oscars,” Joe says softly. “But I really need you with me in LA. I’m all big and fat and the baby’s kicking me all the time, I’m so exhausted, I feel like shit... _please_ John. I need you there.”

John pulls the younger man close. “I’ll come with you to LA. But I’m not setting foot on any red carpet.”

Joe squeezes him gratefully. “Thank you.”

Joe tries to convince John to look at it as their first vacation together; their first stay in somewhere that isn’t New York or London.

But the minute they arrive in LA, they’re met by a swarm of photographers at the arrivals gate, and John immediately pushes his sunglasses on and pulls his baseball cap lower as he guides Joe through the crowd. A part of Joe feels guilty for subjecting John to this; this life that he’d tried so desperately to get away from. But he does feel a lot better having the older man with him, and he can tell that everyone is glad to see John.

They all meet in the hotel bar the night they arrive, and Joe sips orange juice with Gwil and Ben and Rami, while he watches John have a rather animated conversation with Brian and Roger.

“So what did you have to do to get him to come here?” Ben asks, elbowing Joe. “All kinds of kinky shit, I suppose?”

Joe rolls his eyes. “I just asked him. And he said yes.”

“Seriously?” Ben raises an eyebrow disbelievingly. “You didn’t have to dress up in a naughty French maid’s outfit and suck his cock until he was too brainless to do anything other than agree?”

“No,” Joe laughs. “Nothing like that.”

“French maid’s outfit,” Gwil murmurs to himself, licking his lips as he gazes at Ben.

“He must really love you,” Rami says gently.

Joe smiles and his heart skips a beat when he catches John’s eye from across the room.

“Yeah.” Joe strokes his bump. “I think he must.”

The next day, the combination of jet lag and the baby kicking throughout the night means that Joe ends up sleeping in until noon.

When he groggily blinks his eyes open, he’s surprised to find a tux hanging on the back of the door.

“John,” Joe calls into the bathroom, where he can hear running water. “Why the hell did you get me a tux? You know I can’t wear one right now.”

John strides out of the bathroom, phone in hand. “It’s not for you, love.”

It takes Joe a moment to process that, and his eyes widen. “You mean...”

John smiles shyly. “Yes.”

“But I thought you hated awards shows? Public functions? Cameras? Places where there might be people-“

“I do hate those things. But I love you more.”

Joe feels as though he might melt into the mattress.

“This is the biggest night of your career,” John continues, taking a seat on the bed beside the younger man. “And I want to be there to support you.”

Joe grabs John’s shirt to pull him into a kiss, affection rushing through him.

“Are you sure?” Joe asks breathlessly. “You’ll have to walk the red carpet.”

There’s a flash of nervousness on John’s face, but it quickly disappears as he caresses Joe’s cheek. “Then I’ll walk the red carpet. I want to do this. For you. For Freddie.”

John of course looks outrageously handsome in a tux. His shoulders are broad beneath the jacket and he smells of ridiculously expensive cologne.

“ _Fuck me_ ,” Ben says in awe when John and Joe join him and Gwil downstairs in the lobby. “You’re looking very dapper, John. If I didn’t have a boyfriend and if you weren’t engaged to my best friend, well-“

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Gwil chides, before smiling at the other couple. “Looking good, John.”

“Hello?” Joe exclaims, gesturing down at his gown. “What about me?”

“Yeah, you look okay.” Gwil grins and gives Joe a kiss on the cheek. “In fact, if I didn’t have a boyfriend and if you weren’t engaged-“

“Okay, I get it,” Ben interrupts, taking Gwil’s hand and tugging him towards the waiting limo outside the hotel entrance.

Joe can tell that John spends the whole limo ride fighting his nerves, and he’s grateful that Gwil and Ben are there to distract the older man. He takes hold of John’s hand and squeezes reassuringly, smiling when John squeezes back.

When they arrive at the Dolby, Rami and Lucy are nowhere to be seen, and John’s eyes immediately fix on the outline of Brian’s hair, who is a little further up the red carpet with Roger on his arm.

Gwil holds out his arm for Ben, and he almost offers his other arm to Joe before stopping himself. Instead he gives Joe a handsome smile before starting to lead Ben up the red carpet. John watches them silently, before holding out his own arm for Joe.

Joe takes it and feels like a blushing schoolboy all over again. John’s arm is warm against his, and it suddenly hits him that he’s at _the Oscars_. On _John Deacon’s_ arm. Selfishly he’s glad that John is here with him because it means he doesn’t have to do this alone; he hasn’t been looking forward to the prospect of being a bit of an add on once again for all his other friends who are coupled up.

John even stops to pose for the cameras with him, albeit very briefly, and Joe can’t help but feel this is a really significant milestone in their relationship, despite the fact they’re already engaged and having a baby together. John wants them to be public. He wants the world to know that Joe is _his_.

“They’re going to say some things about me in the papers tomorrow,” John sighs as they turn their backs on the flashing cameras.

“They can say what they want,” Joe grins. “I love you. Your fans love you.”

Deciding to be brave, Joe leans in and kisses John’s cheek, and he hears the flash of cameras behind him as their intimate moment is captured for millions of people to see.

The whole evening is like a dream. John holds the bottom of Joe’s gown for him as he climbs the steps of the Dolby, and waits patiently while Joe speaks to members of the BoRhap crew who are also up for awards tonight. When they head to the auditorium, John gently guides Joe to his seat beside Gwil and Ben.

"I need to speak to Brian and Roger quickly," John says with a smile. "I'll be back shortly."

Joe thinks nothing of it as John disappears, and tries to make himself comfortable as he listens to Gwil and Ben bicker over where they'll go on vacation next month. Joe only starts to get worried when the lights dim to signal the start of the show, and he realises John still isn't back yet.

He starts to panic; he wonders if maybe the reality of all this has started to sink in for John. Maybe John has realised that this is a world he simply can't return to no matter how hard he tries; maybe the red carpet and the cameras and all the eyes on him have caused him to panic and he's left. Joe twists his engagement ring nervously on his finger, worrying that maybe he's pushed John over the edge and broken him all over again. Joe can feel himself struggling to breathe, but then Ben is holding his hand and telling him to _look at the stage_.

The familiar beat of We Will Rock You fills the auditorium as the audience cheers, and Joe can make out the silhouette of Roger on the drums at the back of the stage as the smoke clears and Brian steps forward to the front to the sound of applause. People start clapping and stamping to the beat as Adam emerges, and it's only as the smoke completely clears and Joe hears an almighty _roar_ from the audience that he realises who has appeared next to Brian.

"Oh my God." Joe grips Ben's hand and feels his jaw drop as he takes in the sight of John on stage as part of Queen for the first time in over twenty years. John looks nervous, as if he's on the verge of deciding that he's made a terrible mistake, but then Brian shoots him a reassuring smile, and John smiles back. For the first time since Joe has known him, John looks like the man who Joe used to watch in all those concert videos; the man who loved sharing his music with the world and performing with the people he cared about most.

Joe is half laughing and half crying as Ben helps him to his feet and they join in with stamping to the beat. He's too deliriously happy though to really enjoy the music; all he can focus on is John's shy smile. John clearly isn't as comfortable at being a showman as Brian or Roger, and Joe can tell that he's a little rusty, but the audience loves it, and John honestly looks as though he's having fun. He seems to get into his stride a little bit more during We Are The Champions, and by the end of the performance there's a massive grin on his face. When they play their final note, the applause and cheers from the audience is deafening, and as Brian and Roger take their bows, John's eyes scan the crowd until he finds Joe, before blowing his lover a kiss. Joe can feel people turning to look at him, and he knows the cameras must be on him for his reaction, so he smiles and blows a kiss back at John.

Joe can't stop smiling as Queen retreat offstage, and he doesn't miss the way John gazes up at the giant image of Freddie onscreen.

He's full of adrenaline for the rest of the show, and as soon as John takes his seat next to Joe about twenty minutes later, Joe immediately pulls him in for a quick kiss.

"I'm so proud of you," Joe says against John's lips. "Freddie would be so proud of you."

John doesn't say anything, and simply smiles at Joe, clearly too emotional. He sits beside Joe quietly for the rest of the show and holds his hand. He cheers with the rest of the BoRhap cast and crew when Rami wins Best Actor, and at the after party he keeps his arm around Joe’s waist and drinks with the boys, toasting Rami and giving him a hug. Joe can sense that something has changed in John tonight; it's like a switch was turned off inside him when Freddie died, and now all of a sudden it's been turned back on again.

When they get back to the hotel room, they slowly undress each other and fall into bed, their bodies and lips and limbs melding together-

“Thank you for being a part of this,” John whispers as he fingers Joe open. “Thank you for helping make this film so incredible. He would have loved it.”

Joe doesn’t need to ask who _he_ is.

“Thank you for your support,” Joe gasps as the older man enters him. “I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you for being there with me tonight. I'm so _proud_ of you, John. I'm so so proud of you.”

As John fucks him slowly, burying his face in the younger man's neck, Joe reflects on how he owes everything great in his life to this film. His career, his friends, his lover.

Queen has given him everything, and Joe is just glad he could give Queen something in return.

*****

There’s a part of Joe that feels incredibly sad that his Bohemian Rhapsody journey is finally over. The Oscars were an incredible way to close the whole thing off, and while he’s upset that it’s come to an end, he’s also glad to take a little bit of a break.

“I’m taking some time off,” Joe mumbles into the pillow as soon as they get home. “I’m so fucking exhausted. I’m gonna take a year off.”

John kisses the back of Joe’s neck. “Are you sure about that, sweetheart? You get restless very easily. Not to mention you’re probably going to get lots offers of work now that Bohemian Rhapsody has a few Oscars under its belt.”

Joe yawns. “I think I’ll do a John Deacon and retire at a nice ripe age. And then make an incredible comeback twenty years later.” He rubs his stomach. “Besides, I’m already signed up for my next big project.”

John grins softly. “Only six weeks to go now. We should probably start thinking about names.”

“Mm.” Joe doesn’t mention he’s already made a list.

“Why don’t you pick the name?” John asks, rubbing Joe’s belly.

Joe opens on eye. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ve already named a few kids. You should get a turn.”

Joe laughs. “I’ll take the first name. You can take the middle name.”

“Deal. Although I’ll have to put my foot down if you want to name the baby Optimus Prime.”

“Optimus Prime Deacon has a nice ring to it!”

Joe does spend the next few weeks pouring over his list of names, slowly scribbling them out as he eliminates them one by one. He has a column of boys names and a column of girls names, and it’s a difficult task because there are so many he likes.

“I don’t see _Ben_ anywhere on here,” Ben frowns as he peers over Joe’s shoulder when the two of them are hanging out at John and Joe’s house one afternoon.

“That’s because I’m not naming the baby Ben.” Joe sticks his tongue out. “I love you man, but I’m not a huge fan of your name.”

“Ouch. Well that fucking hurts. You could have lied and said John vetoed it to spare my feelings. Where is the old rascal anyway?”

“He’s gone to see Brian and Roger.”

Ben raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yep. He’s being very secretive about it, but I think there might be something going on. The three of them were talking for ages in LA.”

“Shut up. What, you think they’re planning a Queen project together?”

Joe shrugs. “Dunno. He still says that the Oscars performance was a one-off and he doesn’t want to return to Queen permanently. But he’s been playing the bass a lot more over the last few weeks, and I know he’s definitely songwriting again.”

Ben smiles thoughtfully. “Hm, I wonder. How’s he feeling about becoming a father again?”

“He’s very excited. I’m glad he’s so experienced with kids actually because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I started having Braxton Hicks in the middle of sex the other day, and I panicked because I thought I was going into labour. But John knew exactly what was happening and managed to calm me down.”

“With his cock out.”

“I have his cock to thank for many things.” Joe pats his bump.

“Are you starting to get excited now?” Ben asks softly. “It’s not long to go.”

“Excited but nervous.” Joe chews on his pen cap, scribbling out another name on the list. “I’m shitting myself about giving birth. And then when the baby is actually here I have no idea how I’m gonna navigate this whole dad thing.”

“You know every person who’s ever given birth has been shitting themselves about giving birth at one time or another, right? And you’re gonna be an amazing dad. I know you are. I know how you are with kids. And John is gonna be right there beside you the whole time.”

Joe does feel a little more confident after his conversation with Ben, but as his due date gets closer, he finds himself becoming more and more anxious.

They’ve set aside a room for the baby, decorated in gender neutral colours, which is already filled with toys and tiny clothes and a crib. Joe had explicitly told both John and Ben that he didn’t want a baby shower, which has resulted in everyone sneakily passing presents on to Joe anyway via John.

It’s not that Joe _hates_ baby showers; it’s just that with his own baby, he doesn’t want to tempt fate. There’s a part of him that still worries about everything that could go wrong, and he doesn’t want to look at clothes and teddy bears and boxes of diapers until his baby is safe and healthy in his arms.

John seems to sense Joe’s anxiety growing, and he starts insisting they take long walks together to keep Joe’s mind off the impending birth. The older man takes over all cooking and cleaning responsibility, and he also develops a habit of giving Joe twice daily blowjobs.

“Orgasms are good for you,” John says firmly in bed one night from between Joe’s thighs. “Good for the baby too.”

Joe doesn’t argue, and just lays back to let John do his thing.

They’ve stopped having penetrative sex for the time being; most positions are too awkward and Joe has been so uncomfortable the last few times that they’ve agreed they’ll take a break from fucking. Even when John’s offered to bottom it’s just been too much work for Joe. But John seems more than happy to utilise other ways to pleasure the younger man, and Joe is incredibly grateful to have someone who puts so much thought into making him feel good in bed.

“I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep tonight,” Joe sighs tiredly, rubbing his bump. “The baby has barely stopped moving at all today.”

John kisses Joe’s lips and then his stomach. “Try and behave yourself, Tiny Trouble,” he says softly to the baby. “We’re eager to meet you too but your dad needs some rest.”

Joe smiles and cards his fingers through John’s hair as his lover settles his head on Joe’s stomach and quietly babbles to the baby. John’s voice always seems to soothe the baby, and Joe feels himself drifting off as the baby’s movements become softer, and eventually stop altogether.

*****

Any hope Joe has of getting a good night’s sleep goes out the window at two thirty in the morning.

He’s woken by a sharp pain in his stomach, and for a moment Joe starts to panic, wondering if there’s something wrong with the baby. He scrambles to turn on the bedside light, and in his panic he wakes up John.

“Joe,” John says groggily, voice thick with sleep. “Calm down, love.”

“Something’s wrong,” Joe says shakily. “Fuck, I think somethings wrong-“

“Nothing’s wrong,” John says calmly, sounding a little more awake as he pulls Joe close. “You’re just going into labour, sweetheart. Look.”

He lifts the covers and gestures at Joe’s side of the bed, where a wet patch has formed.

Relief seeps through him, as well as a huge sudden bout of fear.

“ _Shit_ ,” Joe says, trembling. “Shit shit shit-“

John squeezes Joe gently. “It’s alright, love. It’s all going to be fine. Our baby’s on the way.” He kisses Joe’s temple. “Come on, let’s get you up and ready.”

_Our baby’s on the way._

Joe barely registers John guiding him out of bed and into some comfortable clothes, and he lets out a cry when another sharp pain hits him in the stomach. He keeps his hands on his bump all the way to the hospital, taking deep breaths and trying not to think about what he’s about to have to go through.

When they arrive at the hospital, he’s quickly ushered to a private room, and he suddenly feels very hot as he takes in the sight of the bed with the stirrups. The task in front of him seems so dauntingly impossible that he wants to cry.

“I can’t do this,” Joe says miserably, tears in his eyes. “Take me home, John. _Please_.”

John kisses him gently. “What’s all this about? Hm?”

“Can’t do it,” Joe chokes. “Can’t have the baby.”

“Joe, sweetheart, look at me. _Look at me_. I’ve known you less than 18 months but I’ve seen how strong you are. I’ve seen you deal with far worse than this, and you’ve come out the other side even stronger. You can do this. I _know_ you can. Come on now, love, count to ten with me. One...say it with me, Joe...one...two...three...that’s it, good lad, keep going...”

As Joe counts with John it reminds him of that phone call they’d had all those months ago, where Joe had called John in the middle of the night in tears over his dad, and how John had calmed him down. He knows he’s in the safest place in the world right now with John, and it helps him even his breathing just as another contraction hits.

“Let’s get you comfortable,” John says gently. “This is all going to be over very soon, and we’ll be able to take our baby home.”

Joe tries to focus on that thought as John helps him undress and put on the unflattering hospital gown, and when he’s in bed John kisses his forehead and takes his hand.

“I’m going to be right here with you, Joe. I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’ll be right next to you.”

Joe nods, tears building as another contraction rips through him.

He’s in labour for nearly twelve hours.

It’s the longest twelve hours of his life.

He can’t get comfortable lying down so he tries pacing the room, cupping his bump and groaning in frustration. But that soon becomes exhausting, and he ends up back on the bed again. The nurse periodically comes to check on him, and the doctor comes to check how dilated he is a couple of times, but it seems to take an infinity for anything to actually happen. 

John looks just as restless, but he’s a reassuring presence, and Joe wouldn’t have anyone else in the world with him right now.

When the time finally does come to push, Joe begs the doctor for gas and air, gripping John’s hand tightly.

“It might be easier if you’re on your hands and knees, Joe,” the doctor says. “The baby is in an awkward position.”

“Awkward position?” Joe parrots as John helps him turn over on to all fours. “Is the baby okay?”

“Your baby’s fine, Joe. You’re just going to have to work a little harder.”

John fiddles with the hem of Joe’s gown. “It might also be easier if you’re not wearing this?”

“Yeah,” Joe nods, beyond caring that he’s about to give birth naked on all fours in front of a stranger and the man he loves. As John helps him out of the gown, Joe can’t help but wonder if John will ever be attracted to him sexually again after this. He knows he must look a sight; sweaty and naked and fat, but right now he couldn’t care less about his dignity.

“Joe, stop growling,” the doctor chides. “I know it hurts, but concentrate on pushing for me.”

Joe hadn’t even realised that he _had_ been growling, but he grits his teeth and he squeezes John’s hand.

The pain is nothing like anything Joe’s ever experienced before, but it’s the exhaustion that really does it for him. Every push seems to drain the energy from him, and the sweat is pouring down his face by the time the baby is crowning. He can hear John whispering soft encouragement in his ear; he can feel the older man massaging his shoulders gently.

“You’re doing so well,” John tells him, rubbing his sweaty back. “I’m so proud of you, Joe. Your Dad would be so proud of you.”

Joe lets out a loud cry as he musters all his energy into one final push.

The pressure suddenly disappears, and a baby’s cry fills the air.

“You did it,” John laughs, tears in his eyes as kisses Joe’s cheek. “Joe, you did it.”

Joe turns his head, trying to get a glimpse of his baby, but his thighs are like jelly and he collapses onto his front.

“It’s alright, love,” John says softly, helping Joe onto his back and covering him with a blanket. “He’s safe. He’s healthy.”

“He?” Joe croaks, blinking slowly.

“He,” the doctor confirms, handing Joe a tiny bundle of blankets. “Your son.”

Joe is trembling as he takes the bundle carefully. _His son_.

He’s _beautiful._ He’s red and covered in slime, but he’s the most perfect thing Joe has ever seen. He can’t quite believe that _this_ is the being that’s been living in him for nine months. _This_ is the thing that’s been keeping him awake at night and making him go to the bathroom thirty times a day.

Joe loves him already.

He thinks his heart could burst with how much he loves this baby.

When he looks up at John, he can tell the older man feels exactly the same.

Their lips meet in a kiss, the salt of their tears mixing with one another as their son cries in Joe’s arms.

*****

It takes a little while for Joe to actually register the pain in his nether regions, but once the baby is taken away from him, it suddenly hits him.

“You had some minor tearing,” the doctor tells him. “You’ll need stitches.”

Joe keeps his eyes on the midwife cleaning up his baby as John helps him put his legs in the stirrups so that the doctor can work.

“Why don’t we talk about names?” John asks, clearly trying to distract Joe from what’s going on between his legs.

Joe laughs tiredly. “You want to name our child while my ass is being stitched up?”

John shrugs. “It’d be nice to give him a name sooner rather than later.”

“Okay. You first. You were responsible for the middle name. And then we can see if it goes with the first name I picked.”

John smiles gently. “Well...I’ve always liked the name Andrew.”

Joe nods. “Andrew is nice. Okay, I’ll tell you mine, but promise me you won’t veto it?”

John frowns. “We talked about bloody Optimus Prime-“

“Of course it’s not Optimus Prime.” Joe rolls his eyes. “It’s John.”

There’s a moment of silence.

“You...want to name our son John? After me?”

“Of course after you! Who else would I want to name him after?”

“Your brother is also called John-“

“Well I want to name him after you.” Joe smiles softly. “I love being named after my dad, and it’s like I still have a piece of him with me even though he’s gone. I want our son to have that too.”

Joe doesn’t add that their son will probably lose his father at a younger age than Joe lost his, but he knows John can read the subtext.

John sighs. “It will get confusing with two Johns in the house.”

“So we’ll give him a nickname. John Junior? J.J.? J.D.?”

John makes a face. “No initials.”

“Okay. How about Jack?”

John pauses, glancing over at their son. “Jack. Jack Deacon.” He looks back at Joe.

Joe grins. “I’ve got the seal of approval, haven’t I?”

It certainly feels more real now that the baby has a name, and Joe finds himself grinning as the baby is returned to his arms. He lets John take a few photos of him with Jack, and then he hands the baby over so he can take some photos of John with him.

Joe’s heart melts at how natural John looks with Jack- completely at ease, like a man who’s been through this time and time again but never gets tired of it. The two of them are very sweet together, and it makes Joe desperate to start their life together as a family.

When Joe finally manages to have a shower and clean himself up in the en-suite bathroom, his ass still numb and sore, he can’t help but reflect on what John said to him earlier.

_Your Dad would be so proud of you._

Joe returns to bed quietly after doing a quick check of Jack in his crib, and smiles at John snoring softly on the sofa in the corner of the hospital room. He grabs his phone and scrolls through the photos from earlier, picking his favourite to upload to Instagram.

It’s one of Joe holding Jack- he looks exhausted in the photo, sweat covering his face and his hair sticking up everywhere, but his smile says it all.

Joe grins and types out a caption.

 

_I’m tired and sore and my hormones are all over the place, but I’m so happy that I finally get to hold this little guy in my arms. I want to thank all the amazing hospital staff for their care and support, and of course my incredible fiancée._

_Welcome to the world, John Andrew Deacon._


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three years later...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we made it! Apologies for the delay with the final chapter, but I hope it's worth the wait. Thank you so much to everyone who's waited so patiently and stuck with this since the beginning. I appreciate all your love, support and kind comments so much. I'm sad this is coming to an end, but I'm pretty certain this won't be the last you see of this universe!
> 
> Tumblr: @bohemian-rhapsody-slash

_Three years later_

 

Joe examines himself in the mirror with a smile.

He runs his hands through his hair, checking his teeth quickly, before adjusting his lace panties slightly. He makes his best sexy expression, trying to look as alluring as possible. It’s the first time in a while he’s dressed up like this, and it’s giving him a degree of confidence that he hasn’t felt in a long time.

Joe traces his fingers down his stomach, still covered in faded stretch marks and no longer as flat and toned as it once was. Not so long ago he would have cringed looking at himself like this in the bathroom mirror, but it’s thanks to the love and support of his husband that he’s managed to rebuild his confidence and feel happy with his body again.

Joe smiles at the thought of his husband, waiting unsuspectingly in the bedroom. He gyrates his hips experimentally, giving himself a wink in the mirror.

He looks fucking _sexy_.

He doesn’t need to seduce his husband. He knows he's hot stuff, but that doesn't stop him from feeling nervous.

Taking a deep breath, Joe collects himself before opening the bathroom door. His heart flutters at the sight of John lounging on the bed in a pair of pyjama bottoms and an old grey t-shirt, staring intently at the book in his lap. Sometimes Joe still can't believe that he's actually married to this man. This incredible, kind, loving man who only seems to get more handsome with age.

Joe leans provocatively against the door frame, one hand on his cocked hip. He clears his throat. “Hey, honey.”

John doesn’t look up from his book. “Hi, sweetheart.”

Joe sighs fondly, reaching behind him to grab the bottle of lube on the bathroom counter, before padding over to John’s side of the bed.

“Whatcha reading?” Joe seats himself delicately on the edge of the bed next to his husband.

“This espionage thriller I’ve wanted to read for ages.” John still doesn’t look up. “Brian recommended it but I’ve only just managed to find the time to start it.”

 Joe reaches over and delicately places the bottle of lube in the middle of the pages of John’s book.

The older man frowns, before finally looking in Joe’s direction, and doing a double take when he sees his husband’s attire.

“ _Hello_ , trouble,” John murmurs appreciatively, his eyes drinking in the sight of the younger man as he removes his reading glasses and tosses his book aside. “Not that I’m complaining, but what’s all this about? I haven’t forgotten an anniversary or something have I?”

“Trust me, you’d soon know if you’d forgotten an anniversary.” Joe straddles his husband’s lap, settling his hands on John’s shoulders. “Jack is asleep. He passed out halfway through his bedtime story which means he’ll be down for the night.”

“Really?” John’s eyes widen with excitement as he grips Joe’s hips. “Jack’s asleep? You’re in the mood? I’m _definitely_ in the mood. The stars are aligned!”

Joe laughs as John pulls him into a kiss, his hands sliding down to cup Joe’s ass. He sighs contentedly; this is the first time in forever that he’s felt so relaxed. It’s rare that they can take their time like this, and Joe can’t remember the last time they were able to actually _make love_. He’s used to quick hurried fucks in the morning where they both pray that their son doesn't wake up, or possibly getting a bit frisky in the shower when they’re both in a good mood.

Joe moans and wriggles his ass when he feels John’s erection press against him.

“Someone’s eager.” Joe kisses John’s jaw, nibbling on his earlobe.

John chuckles and slides his hand down the back of Joe’s panties, breathing in sharply when his fingers skim across Joe’s hole, loose and wet. “So is someone else, it would seem.”

“Couldn’t wait,” Joe says huskily. “Didn’t want to waste any time. Fingered myself so I’d be ready for you.”

“Fingering you is never a waste of time, love. It’s usually my favourite part.”

“You can finger me another day. I haven’t been fucked in over two weeks. Cock now, please.”

“Alright, lovely lad,” John grins, as Joe impatiently pulls his t-shirt over his head, before lifting his hips so John can wriggle out of his pyjama bottoms.

Once naked, John grabs hold of Joe’s hips and rolls him over, so that the younger man is pinned beneath him. He kisses down Joe’s neck to his chest, tongue circling his nipples as he gropes Joe through his panties.

“ _John_ ,” Joe moans. “Jesus Christ. Want you in me so badly.”

Joe is trembling by the time John finally eases the panties down his hips and thighs. He grips the sheets as John’s lips trace over his stomach, kissing each of his stretch marks, and dipping lower and lower-

“Daaaaaddy!”

John freezes, hovering just above Joe’s erection.

Joe sighs and closes his eyes. If they keep _really_ still and don't say anything, maybe their son will just go back to sleep.

“Daaaaaaddy! Are you there?” Jack’s voice is faint from his bedroom across the hall.

He had thought it was too good to be true.

“The number of times we’ve been cockblocked by that kid is getting ridiculous,” Joe sighs as John reaches for his clothes.

“Don’t move,” John says gently, kissing Joe on the lips as he pulls on his t-shirt. “I’ll be two minutes, and then we’ll continue this.”

Joe smiles as his husband slips out of the room to see to their son. He loves Jack more than anything in the world, but he can’t help but feel frustrated that they’ve been interrupted yet again. The rare moments when they do have time to be intimate never seem to last very long, and their life now is a far cry from the days when they used to be able to have sex whenever and wherever took their fancy. But as Joe glances at the photo on the nightstand of him and John with Jack during a day out at the park, the three of them smiling up at the camera with silly expressions, he knows he wouldn't change a thing. 

Joe shivers a little, and slips under the covers to warm himself until John’s return. He finds himself drifting off to sleep as he twists his wedding band around his finger, and when the click of the bedroom door shutting jolts him awake again, he glances at the alarm clock to find that nearly an hour has passed.

“Sorry,” John says softly, the mattress dipping as he climbs back into bed. “He wouldn’t go to sleep. Had a nightmare. He wanted a bedtime story.”

“What nightmare?” Joe asks, concerned.

“Something about dinosaurs.”

“I told you we shouldn’t have let him watch Jurassic Park!”

John chuckles and rubs Joe’s hip. “He still wants to watch it again. He says Tim is his favourite.”

“He didn’t say that!” Joe gives his husband a gentle kick.

“He certainly did.” John kisses the younger man’s collarbone. “I suppose you’re too tired for a bit of hanky panky?”

Joe yawns and pulls the covers tighter around him. “Sorry. As much as I'd love to, I can barely keep my eyes open right now.”

“Don’t worry, love. We’ll find time.”

“Mm.” Joe rests his head against John’s chest.

They rarely seem to have time for anything other than Jack these days.

*****

When Joe blinks his eyes open the following morning, he huffs a sigh of disappointment when he reaches over to John’s side of the bed, only to find empty sheets. They’re cool, suggesting that John has been up for a while, which doesn’t surprise Joe as his husband is an early riser. He’d been hoping that maybe they could finish off what they’d started last night, and while he’s a little disappointed, he also realises that John has probably taken care of waking Jack and getting him dressed for the day.

A task which somehow seemed to take Joe twice as long to complete.

Sure enough, when Joe heads downstairs to the kitchen, he finds Jack already sitting at the table, tongue sticking out in concentration as he scribbles on a piece of paper in front of him. Even though he knows it's not possible, Joe could swear that his son seems to get noticeably bigger every single day. Jack's auburn hair is already sticking up all over the place, despite the fact that John probably brushed it for him less than an hour ago, and he's staring so intently at his drawing that his eyes remind Joe of John so much that it almost takes his breath away. 

“Hey, baby,” Joe says with a smile, dropping down to press a messy kiss to his son’s head. “Whatcha drawing?”

“Dinosaur,” Jack replies happily, not looking up from his paper.

“Looks like a pretty cool dinosaur! Daddy said you had a dream about a dinosaur last night?”

Jack giggles. “Yep. You nearly got eaten, Dada!”

“Oh no!” Joe tickles the boy’s tummy, blowing a raspberry just below his ear. “I hope you saved me!”

John places a plate of toast next to Jack. “Actually, it was me who saved you. Isn’t that right, Jack?”

“Yep.” Jack nods his head. “Daddy saved Dada!”

“My hero!” Joe exclaims dramatically, leaning over to kiss John’s jaw.

“Morning, love.” John kisses Joe back. “Did you sleep okay? Thought I’d give you a lie in this morning.”

“And it was very much appreciated.” Joe glances at Jack, checking that he’s still distracted by his breakfast and his dinosaur drawing, before lowering his voice. “Although I was hoping you might be around to have some of the fun we missed out on last night.”

John also glances down at Jack, flushing slightly as he grins. “Well, there’s playgroup this afternoon. _All_ afternoon.”

Joe pauses a moment, but then smiles. _Of course_.

Jack has playgroup today.

Jack goes to playgroup twice a week, but recently John and Joe had both had other engagements that had prevented them from being alone together when Jack had been out of the house. Today though, their schedules are both clear.

“Hope you’re up to the challenge, old man.”

John laughs and shoots him a wink.

Jack finally looks up at his parents, frowning. “What you talking about?”

“Nothing, tiny trouble,” John says fondly. “Eat your breakfast.”

******

“Jesus, _fuck_.”

Joe curls his toes and grips John’s hips as the older man slowly sinks down onto his cock.

“You feel good,” John sighs, his voice throaty with arousal. “You fill me up just right, Joe.” He's flushed from his cheeks to his nipples, and he's never looked more beautiful.

“Yeah, baby.” Joe gives John’s ass a gentle smack. “Gonna fuck yourself nice and hard on my cock, huh? Is that what you want, John?” He shifts a little on the kitchen chair he’s seated on, trying to wriggle around so his own ass doesn’t get numb.

Joe can’t remember the last time they fucked in the kitchen, and he’s so turned on right now that he’s afraid he might come the minute John starts moving.

John impales himself completely with a loud groan, gripping Joe’s shoulders for purchase as he leans forward to kiss his husband. “Want it, Joe. Want it so badly.”

“You got it,” Joe growls.

John lifts himself a few inches slowly, before dropping back down. Joe is blinded by the pleasure of the older man’s tight heat surrounding him, and he feels like a virgin all over again, fucking a man for the first time.

“Fuck, baby,” Joe moans, taking John's erection in one hand and squeezing his ass with the other. “You know what to do.”

John starts building the pace, and Joe squeezes his eyes shut because he knows if he sees John’s smile he’ll come immediately; he can hear John’s breathless moans and he curls his toes-

Just as he’s about to come, the sound of John’s phone ringing echoes through the kitchen, startling them both, and John has to wrap his arms around Joe’s neck to stop himself from tumbling out of the younger man’s lap.

“Fuck,” Joe says, keeping his hands on John’s waist to steady him. “Ignore it, keep going.”

John glances at the phone on the kitchen table, squinting to read the name of the contact on the screen. “Joe, it’s the playgroup.”

Joe’s heart stops, and he lets out a defeated sigh.

“They’ll be calling about Jack-“

“Yeah. I know.”

John kisses the corner of Joe’s mouth apologetically before easing himself off the younger man’s cock, and padding over to the kitchen table to answer the phone.

Joe stares dejectedly at his wilting erection as he half-listens to John’s soft voice.

“Jack’s been sick,” John sighs as he hangs up and hunts around for his underwear. “We need to pick him up.”

Joe’s disappointment is quickly replaced with concern, and when they collect their very pale son from playgroup, he knows he’d give up sex for the rest of his life if it meant being there for Jack when he’s most needed.

*****

Opportunities for sex seem to be few and far between even after Jack recovers from his stomach bug.

Joe’s schedule is pretty hectic with his latest project, which usually means he’s too tired from work to really be in the mood most evenings. And when he _is_ in the mood, Jack usually ends up knocking softly on their bedroom door just as Joe’s got John’s dick in his mouth, or John’s rolling on a condom, or John’s tongue is buried in Joe’s ass. They attempt to have sex in the mornings too, but Jack’s developed a habit of waking up unusually early, so mornings are off limits as well.

“What about the 12th?” Joe asks desperately over dinner one night, scrolling through the calendar on his phone. “I’m not working, Jack should be at playgroup-“

“Cameron has a dance show,” John says apologetically.

“Yeah, of course. Right. So that pushes us back to the following week? Um, the 25th maybe? Oh wait...no, Rami is in town and I said I’d meet him for drinks.”

“The 27th?” John suggests, glancing at his own phone. “Your mum is over and can maybe watch Jack; we could go to a hotel or something-“

“My mom is watching Jack because we’re having dinner with Brian and Roger that night.” Joe sighs, glancing over at Jack playing happily with his toys on the floor in the corner. “We’re never having sex again, are we? This is our life now. I love our son, _of course_ I do, but god I’m so tense right now and I could just use a good dicking-“

“How about,” John interrupts, taking hold of Joe’s hand. “We ask Gwil and Ben to babysit for a night? They won’t mind I’m sure, and Jack loves spending time with them. We’ll get a night to ourselves without interruptions.”

Joe bites his lip. “They’ve just got back from the Caribbean.”

“I’m sure they won’t mind. They love spending time with Jack.”

Joe shoots another glance at their son, before looking at his husband and imagining John’s lips wrapped around his dick.

He picks up his phone and scrolls through his contacts to find Ben's number.

*****

“Unca Gwiiiiiill!”

Jack wriggles excitedly in John’s arms the minute Gwil opens the front door of his and Ben's home, reaching out for him with a toothy smile.

“Hey Jacky!” Gwil takes the boy from John, allowing Jack to give him a kiss on the jaw. “How are you, buddy?”

“Good!” He waves a piece of paper in Gwil’s face. “Drew you a picture!”

“That’s lovely. Thank you very much.” Gwil smiles at John and Joe. “You guys have time for a cuppa? Pretty sure Ben wants to make you jealous with some holiday snaps.”

“Sure.” Joe kisses Gwil’s cheek with a smile as he enters, giving Jack a quick pat on the head. “It would be rude to deny the newlyweds a chance to gloat.”

Ben is looking a little sunburnt when he appears from the kitchen, but his eyes are sparkling as he pulls Joe into a hug.

“Hello, Mr Lee,” Joe says teasingly.

“Hello, Mr Deacon,” Ben retorts back with a giddy smile as they exchange kisses. “God, that’s gonna take some getting used to.”

“Good honeymoon?” John asks when it’s his turn to kiss Ben.

“The best.” Ben is practically bouncing on his feet. “I think I can safely say it trumped the Deacon honeymoon. But it’s good to be home; I’ve been looking forward to seeing my favourite little man.”

Ben turns his attention to Jack, leaning forward to press a sloppy kiss to the boy’s hair.

Jack giggles as a blush creeps across his cheeks, hiding his face bashfully against Gwil’s shoulder.

Joe can’t help but think that his son’s crush on Ben is absolutely adorable. Jack has always been particularly fond of Ben, but it’s only over the last few months that he’s become oddly shy around his favourite uncle, and also seems to talk about him an awful lot at home. John had noticed it as well, and had even teasingly asked Jack one evening whether he likes Uncle Ben, after the boy had spent nearly twenty minutes drawing pictures of him.

“Just as a friend!” Jack had answered quickly, flushing as he pulled the drawings to his chest.

Watching Ben chase Jack around the back garden that afternoon only makes Joe’s heart swell more.

“He’s getting broody, you know,” Gwil says with a smile to Joe and John as they sip tea, nodding at Ben.

John chuckles. “How about you?”

Gwil shrugs and grins. “I’ve been broody ever since Jack was born.”

Joe pats Gwil’s knee. “You’d both be amazing parents. You’re so good with Jack.”

Gwil’s doesn't reply, but his eyes sparkle as he watches the scene in front of him.

When it's time for him and John to leave, Joe finds himself feeling a little emotional. No matter how many times Joe is separated from Jack, he finds it never gets easier to say goodbye.

“We’ll be back to pick you up tomorrow,” Joe promises, kissing his son’s hair. “You’ll have fun with Uncle Gwil and Uncle Ben though, yeah?”

Jack nods shyly.

As John says his own goodbyes to their son, Ben discreetly passes Joe a square box.

Joe raises an eyebrow. “A board game?” He lowers his voice. “You do realise that John and I aren’t planning to play board games tonight, right?”

Ben shoots him a wink. “You’ll want to play this one. Trust me.”

Joe doesn’t have a chance to look at the title on the box as he shoves it under his arm, blowing a final kiss to Jack as John gently ushers him out the door.

*****

John frowns as he squints to read the text on the tiny piece of card in his hand.

“What does it say?” Joe asks impatiently.

“I think we’ve had this one already.”

“What does it say, John?”

“ _Lick your partner’s nipples for thirty seconds_.”

“We haven’t had that one.”

“Really? Didn’t we do this one the round before last? Right after you got the card telling you to give me a foot massage?”

“We definitely haven’t had this one. I would remember you licking my nipples.”

“Okay, fine. Start the clock.”

Joe brings up the stopwatch on his phone, tapping the Start button as John loops an arm around his waist, pulling the younger man’s naked body close to his own. He dips his head to lap at Joe’s right nipple, chuckling when Joe lets out a throaty moan.

Thirty seconds seems to go way too fast as John alternates between Joe’s nipples, leaving them both perky and the surrounding skin on his chest red. John’s mouth disappears the moment the timer on the phone chimes, causing Joe to sigh in frustration.

“Rules of the game, my dear.” John gives a sly wink.

Joe pokes his tongue out at his husband as he rolls the dice, moving his counter across the board quickly to land on a blue square and picking up a card with the corresponding colour.

“Okay,” Joe laughs, reading the small print of the card and blushing slightly.

 _Masturbate in front of your partner for two minutes._

John leans over to read it, chuckling as he presses a kiss to Joe’s ear. “Mm. I like the look of this one. Better get on with it then.”

Joe pretends to pout as he makes himself comfortable, spreading his legs and bending his knees to flatten his feet on the bed. He leans on one hand on the mattress to steady himself and takes hold of his half hard cock with the other, stroking gently. He keeps his eyes trained on John, whose own cock is twitching against his stomach. He's never usually shy in the bedroom, but touching himself in front of his husband always feels a little odd. He always prefers sex acts where John can take part rather than act as an audience for Joe, but Joe knows that John likes to watch, so he tries to make a show of it; biting his lip and moaning as he plays with himself.

“Time!” John says with a grin as the phone chimes, and Joe swears loudly as he releases his erection.

“I swear to God,” Joe huffs. “If this game doesn’t end with me getting fucked into the mattress, I’m divorcing you.”

John laughs as he rolls the dice and moves his counter, but frowns when he reads his card.

“ _Wrestle your partner for three minutes. The loser must perform oral sex on the winner_.” John looks up, confused. “How dowe determine who wins?”

Joe kisses John’s jaw. “When I used to wrestle my brother, we’d say whoever managed to hold the other guy down for ten seconds would win.”

John snorts. “You’ve clearly got the advantage though. You’re three decades younger than me.”

“You’re a bit bigger than me though. C’mon John- it’s naked wrestling! God, it would be even hotter if we could oil ourselves up.”

“Fine.” John rolls his eyes, shuffling into a kneeling position. “Come on then, trouble. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

Joe mirrors his husband’s position, counting them in from three, before throwing himself at John. The older man falls back onto the mattress with a surprised yelp, which quickly turns into a pleasured moan as Joe writhes on top of him.

“You’re not even trying,” Joe whispers in John’s ear, kissing his neck as their cocks brush against each other.

“Maybe I like being pinned underneath you.”

“Means you gotta suck my cock.”

“You make that sound like a chore.”

“I know you love it. Know you love having my dick shoved down your throa- _woah_!”

Joe is cut off as John suddenly heaves the younger man off him, pinning Joe to the mattress.

“ _John_ ,” Joe says breathlessly, painfully aroused by his husband's demonstration of strength. “Not bad, old man.”

“Ten,” John chuckles, trailing kisses over Joe’s shoulders. “Nine...”

Joe pays little attention to John’s countdown as his husband’s lips explore his body, shivering when his husband pauses just above his erection.

“That’s ten seconds, love. Blowjob time.”

Joe sighs. “You are so devious. Playing me at my own game by distracting me.”

John chuckles. “We could call it a tie? 69?”

“As hot as that sounds, you won fair and square.”

Joe gently eases his husband into a seated position against the headboard, before settling himself on his stomach between John’s spread legs. He grins as he takes hold of John’s cock, stroking a couple of times, before taking the head into his mouth. He feels John’s hands grip his hair gently, tugging as Joe slides his lips down his husband’s erection.

“ _Joseph_ ,” John sighs, his head thunking back against the headboard.

Joe works his lips and tongue on John’s cock, the board game on one side of the bed now completely forgotten. He’s always loved doing this for his husband, and although Joe’s own erection is aching, trapped between the mattress and his stomach, he’s completely focussed on John’s pleasure. He spends a few minutes bobbing his head up and down, using every technique he knows John likes as he listens to his husband moan and sigh.

“Joe.” John cups the younger man’s chin, encouraging him to look up so they can make eye contact. “Can I come in your arse?”

Joe releases John’s cock from his mouth with a _pop_. “Oh my god, _yes_.”

Their lips meet hungrily as John fumbles for the bottle of lube they’d used earlier and a condom.

“Need some fingers?” John asks breathlessly.

“Nope.” Joe grins, taking the condom and lube from John. “Still got that dildo shoved up my ass from one of the earlier rounds of the game.”

John chuckles. “Well, why don’t I give you a hand with that while you sort out my cock?”

Joe nods enthusiastically, tearing the condom wrapper open as John reaches behind him to grab hold of the tip of the dildo protruding from Joe’s ass. Joe lets out a deep breath as he feels John ease the dildo out of him, rolling the condom over John’s erection and hastily adding some lube.

“One cock out,” John says with a wink, dangling the dildo in front of Joe’s face before tossing it aside. “And-“

He guides Joe onto his back and spreads his legs, lining up his cock with Joe’s slick entrance.

John leans down to press their lips together briefly. “One cock in.”

Joe lets out a sharp breath as John nudges inside him, pushing forward slowly. “God, I’ve missed your dirty talk.”

“I’ve missed being inside your pert little bum,” John says breathlessly, hitching Joe’s legs up around his hips.

“My ass is- _oh_ -not so pert anymore. Not since I gave birth to an 8 pound baby.”

John kisses Joe’s neck, biting the skin gently. “Still the best arse in the world.”

Joe grins as John begins to pick up the pace, nudging Joe’s prostate with his cock. It’s the most intimate they’ve been in ages, and Joe wants to memorise the way John is looking at him now, with flushed cheeks and pupils blown wide. His hips snap against Joe as he pushes one of the younger man’s legs up against his chest. He uses his other hand to grasp one of Joe’s, their wedding rings clinking gently as he interlocks their fingers.

“I love you,” John says, his voice stuttering a little with the effort of his thrusts. “I love you, Joseph Francis Deacon.”

“I love you too,” Joe says softly, pulling his husband in for another kiss. Being called by his married name still makes his heart flutter, even after nearly three years of marriage.

John takes hold of Joe’s cock and strokes in time to his thrusts, and it only takes another minute or so for them to both finish.

“Wow.” Joe laughs breathlessly, still dizzy from his orgasm as John gently pulls out of him. “Fucking... _wow_.”

John kisses the tip of Joe’s nose. “I quite agree.”

Joe lies there bonelessly as John does a perfunctory clean up, and allows himself to be pulled into his husband’s arms.

“We’ve got our mojo back,” Joe sighs happily, nuzzling John’s chest.

“We never lost our mojo, love.” John kisses Joe’s hair. “We just haven’t had time to enjoy our mojo.”

They share a laugh and another kiss.

“Guess I’ll have to thank Ben for loaning us that sex game, huh?” Joe rubs his fingers through his husband’s chest hair. “I’ll have to remember to give it back to him tomorrow. Him and Gwil will probably wanna use it to help them with baby-making.”

“Hm. I’m surprised it’s taken them this long to get round to it. They’re both so good with Jack and it’s clear they love children.”

Joe bites his lip, unsure if he should voice the thought in his head.

“John?”

“Hm?”

“Do you ever think about us doing some baby-making?”

John chuckles. “I don’t know if it escaped your notice, love, but we literally just engaged in a bit of baby-making.”

Joe smacks John’s arm playfully. “Obviously, we just had sex. But we weren’t trying to make a baby.”

A moment of silence passes before John frowns at him. “You actually want to make a baby? You want another one?”

Joe smiles shyly. “Well...yeah. We always said it would be nice for Jack to have a brother or a sister.”

“He has five brothers and a sister.”

“I meant a brother or sister his own age, John. Someone he can play with and grow up with.”

There's another moment of silence where Joe allows himself to be hopeful, but then John smiles sadly. “I’m 70 years old, Joe. I would love to give Jack a little brother or sister. But I know what it’s like to grow up without a father and I couldn’t do that to another child.”

“Don’t say that,” Joe says softly. “You don’t know that’s what will happen. And even if the worst did happen...wouldn’t you want Jack to have someone else to lean on? A best friend he could laugh and cry with, and together they could take care of their remaining grieving parent?”

John lets out a choked laugh and pulls Joe closer. “When you put it like that...I was glad I had my sister when my dad died. Even though we fought like mad. And I know Jack would love a sibling his own age.”

“See.” Joe smiles, squeezing John’s hand. “You know you want another Baby Deacon.”

John stares at the ceiling. “I just have visions of me having a heart attack six months from now, leaving you pregnant and alone with a boisterous toddler to look after.”

Joe cups John’s jaw, tilting his head so their eyes meet. “We can’t stop living our lives because we’re constantly afraid of what might happen. There will always be reasons not to do something. And you know even if something terrible did happen, which it _won't_ , I’d never be alone. I’ll have Ben and Gwil and Rami and Lucy. And Ronnie and my hundreds of step-children. And Brian and Roger-“

“Okay,” John laughs, pulling Joe in for a kiss. “I get it." He bites his lip, caressing Joe's cheek. "I’ll think about it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Now let’s just enjoy a night together without a toddler climbing into bed with us and kicking us in the face at 4am.”

Joe grins. “Deal.”

*****

When they arrive at the Lee household the following morning, Ben laughs when Joe sheepishly shoves the board game into his hands.

“That good, eh?” Ben waggles his eyebrows. “You’re welcome. Any time you want to spice up your marriage, you know where to find me.”

“Where’s my son?” Joe asks, feeling his cheeks rapidly heat up.

“Watching a film with Gwilym.”

Joe’s heart bubbles when he walks into the living room and sees Gwil sitting on the floor, back against the sofa, with Jack sat in his lap as they stare intently at the TV together.

“Look who’s here,” Gwil says with a smile when he notices Joe and John, stroking Jack’s hair.

The boy turns to look at them, confused for a moment, but then breaks into a huge smile. “Dada! Daddy!”

“Hello, tiny trouble.” John picks Jack up and kisses his hair. “Did you have a good time with Uncle Gwil and Uncle Ben?”

“Yep!” Jack giggles. He glances at Gwil, before lowering his voice and leaning closer to John. “They let me stay up late and eat chocolate before bed.”

“Oi!” Gwil laughs. “I told you not to tell them!”

John chuckles. “Dear me, that’s very naughty! What film are you watching?”

“Jurassic Park!”

Joe glances at Ben. “Are you kidding me?”

“That’s the film he wanted to watch! He says it’s his favourite.”

“Can we stay and finish it, Daddy?” Jack asks John, looking up at him with wide eyes.

John smiles at Joe. “He looks just like you when you pout.”

“I do not pout!”

John kisses Jack’s cheek. “We can stay and finish the film, sweetheart. Do you want to sit with Uncle Gwil?”

Jack shakes his head, grinning. “Wanna sit with you.”

John beams, and takes a seat on the sofa with Jack on his lap as the boy starts babbling about which dinosaur is his favourite. Joe sinks down beside them as Gwil and Ben disappear to make some tea, leaning his head against John as the older man wraps an arm around his shoulders.

They sit there quietly watching the movie together as a family, the only noise coming from the TV and the sound of Gwil and Ben bickering playfully in the kitchen as the kettle boils.

“I’ve been thinking,” John says quietly to Joe, “about what we discussed last night.”

Joe glances at Jack, who appears to be too engrossed in the movie to pay attention to his parents. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it actually.” John swallows. He looks at Joe, his eyes shining with vulnerability. “I want another one.”

Joe’s heart skips a beat. “Really?”

John smiles. “Really. I love you and I love him and I know this is what I want. You were right; I can’t just stop living because of what might happen. I know Freddie would tell me the same thing.”

Joe kisses his husband’s jaw. “He would be so proud of you.”

John smiles, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “I think he’d be happy for me. He’d be happy knowing I finally found some peace, and I found it because of Queen.”

“We both did,” Joe says softly.

Their lips meet in a gentle kiss.

John chuckles. “We’ll need to align our schedules again then if we’re doing this. Ask Gwil and Ben to babysit.”

“We’ll make it work. We have our whole big ass Queen family to support us.”

John squeezes Joe gently, and the younger man takes Jack’s tiny hand in his own, unable to wipe the smile from his face. He fumbles for his phone in his pocket, and quietly snaps a photo of Jack sitting in John’s lap. John’s face isn’t visible in the shot, but anyone who saw the photo would know who it was sitting with Jack.

Joe uploads the photo to Instagram, smiling as he types out the caption.

 

_God knows I’ve fallen in love._

_#AndThisTimeIKnowItsForReal   #DeaconFamily_

 

END

 

**Works inspired by this one:**

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